Cyclone in Adventures in paradise

So there's a god-damn cyclone right off the coast where I am, which is extrememly rare for one to come down this far south.  I guess the ocean temperatures are still warm enough for it to do so.  I first heard about it as I arrived in Sydney last Thursday, but it wasn't a threat then, and the forecast was for it to veer out further into the Pacific Ocean over all the islands, but now that I'm back in Brisbane, the latest news alerts are like, "Brisbane in direct firing-line!"  I dunno,  I never know what to believe anymore with the media.  Seems to be all hype and bullshit, most of the time.  But with the BOM even saying it could cross over on Thursday, I guess this will be my first cyclone!

I mean, I did have a huge typhoon go straight over the top of me whilst I was in Taiwan, so that was fun lol.  I can't imagine this will be much different to how that was.  I do know, however, that people will panic-buy, which is not making me look forward to going to work on Wednesday.  I decided to take a few more days off upon returning home, so that I didn't have to go straight back into work-mode, which I think was a smart decision.  There probably won't be much on the shelves when I do show up.  Especially water.  Probably toilet paper.  You know, cos these are those times now.  

It is quite windy outside, but that's not really that unusual.  I can't tell if it's the incoming cyclone or just normal weather.  I'm a little bit paranoid.  I've brought my cushions in off the outside setting, but left the setting out there, for now.  There's so little space in this apartment that I'm gonna have to stack them on top of one another when I bring the seats inside, since they are all separate.  I'm just keeping an eye on things outside the windows for now.  It could very well change directions yet.  No-one else seems to have brought in much from their balconies yet, and the friends I have spoken to aren't too worried.  "It's just a bit of wind," said Andrew.  Even my friend from Canada who I met in Sydney is like, "It'll be a bit wet" haha.

In other news, I heard voices outside my bedroom door this morning, and realised the evaluation was happening.  I thought it has happened whilst I was in Sydney, but I could hear my housemate talking to the guy - "We only just moved so we don't wanna move again."  I think he reassured him it was just an evaluation.  But I got anxious, because I got home from Sydney last night and was still in my bed, naked, and thought he might come into my room to have a look at it!  So I quickly made my way to the bathroom and put on some clothes.  But when I walked out of my room, the guy had already gone.  So I'm not sure how one puts a value on a place without seeing all the rooms, but anyway.

I told my housemate a bit about Sydney, and how I hadn't even really done all that much besides hook up.  He thought I was showing off by telling him, but I really wasn't.  I asked him how the Kylie concert was, and he said he loved it, but he was over it with about a half-hour to go haha.  He told me he may be a bit loopy, as he's back on valium since he has given up drinking, and I was like, "Oh so they give you valium for THAT and they wouldn't give ME it when I was having suicidal thoughts!"  He was like, "That's why they didn't give you it."  I told him that I was bitter because I was really struggling at the time.  But anyway.  It may have been a blessing in disguise, going cold-turkey.  I just know my friend Peter was raving about it.

I've found talking about my mental health with my friends is actually quite difficult a lot of the time.  Like, it really is like walking on egg-shells.  And it's usually because they are so hard-line about their experiences with it.  I think the only good converation I had about it was with my friend Kenny, when we hooked up that time, and we bonded over our psychologists haha.  But man, I'm finding I'm better off keeping my mouth shut, especially when it comes to anything to do with the medication side of things.  I never went on them, and that was due to my doctor's encouragement, and the huge personal journey I've been on.  I wonder if maybe I'm coming across as being on a high-horse or something to my friends who are on meds.  I dunno.  I'm just not getting a good vibe.  Every single person has a personal journey with this and if you need meds to get through, God, take the fucking meds to keep yourself going!  Lord knows, I was pleading to my doctor for them, numerous times.  But I'm not going to *not* be proud of myself for deciding to delve deeper into who I am and why this occurred (ironically, the trick has mostly been to not focus on it) and still learning more about myself every day, because I really am.  I know where I was.  My ego still gets in the way.  My astrological chart says I need to give my "shadow-shelf" more attention, and I feel that's one of my next steps.  To intergrate that side of myself, to become more at peace with it, and understand why it's there.  It also feels like a logical step.  I knew this would be a long journey, probably even a lifetime one.