Stress never stops. in Since OD is shutting down....

My boyfriend came home about 1pm last Monday and told me he’d gotten fired. He decided we should go on a road trip so we left Monday night and got home Thursday night. I am beyond stressed about money and bills. We got pulled over on the way home and he has court next month. I am not going to say much about it but I’m worried sick. I am trying not to worry but I can’t help it. I told my Mom partial truth on it but it’s better to keep most of it to myself because most of the people around me THRIVE off hearing the negative. They don’t care what you are going through, they just want something to talk about.

Last Sunday, he took my little brother out and had drinks. I guess my little brother was really pushy about my boyfriend giving him a vape. I definitely don’t see my ole man hanging out with him again. I’m also irritated that my Mom was to come feed my cats while we were gone and really didn’t so they were fucking starving while we were gone. I remember Tuesday where I called and asked if she had been by to feed them and she said no that she was at work and ‘they’ll be alright’ so I’m going to remember that the next time she’s crying about how they don’t have any food. I plan to tell her the same fucking thing! She babysat on Valentine’s day so we could go out and it would just be so much better if I had someone else. I literally can’t stand her mooching and the first thing she ways walking through the door was, “you got a vape” and I was absolutely infuriated.

I’ve worked some today and yesterday. I didn’t make much this week because we were out of town so I have some catching up to do. Right now he’s gone on a social thing so I have spaghetti in the crock pot and just picking up the house. I got the garbage taken out and I’m just taking a break before I shower. I smell and need to get cleaned up.

My refund has been approved and I should get it by Wednesday. If everything goes like it should, I’ll have a grand left. I’m definitely not getting back as much as I did but grateful to have that money coming. I’m paid up on my car not until March 5th but plan to give them a few hundred. I will get child support on Monday night and I have to pay the internet bill.

I talked to my BD’s ex yesterday and she was asking how nice it was not talking to him. I told her it’s like heaven on Earth. I haven’t spoke to him in almost 4 months now and he hasn’t seen my daughter in almost 9. I’m sure he’s livid that he’s been paying and I make no attempts to have any contact with him. All he would do is demand receipts and try to use my daughter to control me, like he’s always done. I believe that he’s the most toxic person on this planet and I’m going to enjoy not dealing with him. It’s not my problem that he’s crazy and abusive so I refuse to allow his behavior to interfere with our lives anymore.

My boyfriend was telling me today that his Dad said I have my talons locked in and he apparently expressed his feelings but he won’t tell me what they are. I think this is the first time either one of us have truly had a healthy, loving relationship and it’s still a lot to take in. I think we both had people before in hopes that it was going to be better and more than what we got. I’m the 3rd relationship he’s had with a single Mom of a daughter. My boyfriend is truly an incredible soul and has been through a lot. I still remember telling him I loved him on our 2nd month anniversary and the goofy smile he gave.

He told me on Valentine’s Day that he cares for me deeply. This morning he said what’s mine is mine is mine and he’d put a bullet in someone’s head over me. I know he would too. He means so much to me and I’m going to be more and more scared the closer we get to his court date. I don’t know if I’ll be going with him or not because my daughter has school but hopefully it’s just fines and we can move on. Without him, I can’t pay rent. I’m just so scared about so many aspects that I feel sick to my stomach.

So I’ve been going to the laundromat because our machines are broke and they have yet to come fix them. My Mother was trying to get pushy yesterday about me bringing her lunch because she was at work and I was about to come unglued. It’s like she doesn’t understand I have my own family and things to do! The whole time we were out of town, she kept asking when we were coming back. Um, why?? What is the big deal?! I’ve gone months and years without hearing from her!!! She was texting my daughter when we were pulled over and then acted like she already knew what was going on by the time I had called her. It makes me feel like she uses my kid as a spy just like my BD has done!

My Mom is a very manipulative and a liar. I don’t trust her and I wish she would worry more about her own problems than mine. I also get sick of hearing about how they don’t have any food but neither my Dad or little brother will make money to buy any. I just wanna scream to let them starve. There’s been plenty of times over the years that I’ve needed help with food, money, or my car breaking down and they didn’t lift a single finger to help me!!! I get that my little brother is mentally fucked up but they don’t do shit to get him into a better living situation so he can get the help that he needs. I’ve done enough enabling that I absolutely refuse to do any more of it.

She was telling me the other day that her bank account is overdrawn by $500 and I find that really hard to believe. I think it’s because she overheard my boyfriend saying something about my taxes and was hoping to get her hand in it, even though I have already fucking told her I’m getting back way less that I usually do and I owe a couple grand on a credit card. I also just bought a car and have to spend a pretty penny getting it licensed. I have never understood where these fucking people feel entitled to MY MONEY THAT I’VE WORKED FOR!!!! It’s not my problem or responsibility to give them money when I have my own family and plenty of my own fucking bills!!!

I remember when I was in my 20’s and they would always come around and ‘borrow’ money and then I wouldn’t hear from them again for MONTHS! It was never a thought to pay me back and I refuse to allow them to further financially abuse me. There’s been so many different times that they’ve gotten food and cash from me and then I’d suffer later because they don’t pay it back and I can only make so much money. She also knows that my boyfriend who is the fucking bread winner has lost his fucking job so I’m not the one to be hitting up for money.

My parents are still the same people they’ve always been where they don’t care what kind of situation you are in, they will still try and get what they can from you. They honestly have zero regard for anyone other than themselves. It’s honestly disgusting. My Mom is worried we are going to move away and asked me, “what am I supposed to do” um whatever you want?! I don’t give a fuck. I lived in an apartment for years right down the street and wouldn’t hear from you for long stretches of time so I am not at all concerned what she does!!!

I find it questionable that they have always cared what I do when they are down and out but never when everything is going well. I also get tired of every time there’s contact, all they do is complain about their problems but don’t wanna hear solutions. If I constantly complained about being broke, I would be told to get a job. But with them, my Dad and little brother won’t so it’s uncomfortable bring it up which is fine but I’m not going to be giving out “band-aid money” either. I’ve done enough of that my entire life and I suffer for it later.

It’s just insane to me that they are like this and have never gotten better. They just love to soak people for whatever they can get and not even have a thought about it. I couldn’t fathom treating anyone they way they have, especially family and still turn around and act dumbfounded when you keep your distance!! I just feel that I have outgrown them and I’m good to not be drug down by other people’s problems. Every one of their problems is money, money, and more money! They just PRAY that you are going to offer to hand them over some money and I will NOT DO IT EVER AGAIN!

I remember a few years ago telling my friend that if they darken my doorstep with some sob story and their fucking hands out that I plan to telling them to kick rocks! I wasn’t selfish like I should have been and I’ll never forget when my daughter was an infant and my Mom called me from my brother’s house where she was babysitting to ask me if I got a nice tax check. I hadn’t heard from her in 8 fucking months. I remember just saying no but I will never forget how that made me feel. My daughter was sleeping in her car seat and she didn’t say anything about her or ask to hold her. Just wanted to know about my money!

Both my Mom and little brother have learned to be really pushy because of what they’ve been taught by my Dad. I refuse to be pushed around or dictated to. Like yesterday, she wanted me to stop whatever I was doing, spend money, and bring her lunch on the whole other side of fucking town. I didn’t. She had texted me saying she was at work and I simply wrote back, “ok” and she took the hint because she didn’t reply again.