Waiting for taxes, cold weather. in Since OD is shutting down....

My Mom stayed Friday night so we could go out for Valentine’s. My boyfriend bought me a ring on Wednesday and still came home with flowers and chocolate. My daughter got chocolates and a big teddy bear. He’s so sweet. I just love that he makes us a priority. We’ve never had that before. He even came on Thursday to her parent teacher conference which meant a lot to me because I’ve always gone by myself. Her teacher thinks he’s been a great influence on her and I’ve always heard that from her counselor.

He’s currently out somewhere with my little brother. He offered to take him out Friday before we left and I just hope it goes well. I’m angry that I’ve now given up time with him for someone I don’t really like. My little brother is fucked up, mostly because of my Dad but I’ve always kept my distance and I just hope that he doesn’t plan to get needy with my boyfriend after this. My boyfriend works constantly and I already don’t get enough time with him that I hope my little brother doesn’t plan for this to be a regular thing. I’m sorry that he doesn’t have friends of his own but I’ve spent much of my life by myself and then had a child so now I’m kind of selfish with my person.

I’m been pretty happy with work lately. I’ve switched over to another side hustle and this week is the most I’ve made in months! I’ve made almost $600 and I even have my car payment for next week. My Mom is coming to babysit tomorrow so I can go for a little bit. I don’t plan to work all day because I know she’s never really excited to babysit and I do want time with my daughter. I’m still not a super big fan of having my Mom babysit because they are always broke and I hate worrying about her eating all of our food. I also get tired of giving her a fucking vape every time too.

I’ve always been a lot happier not having much to do with my family. I just get tired of the drama. They are very negative and there’s ALWAYS something wrong! She came over the other day saying her back account is overdrawn by $500! Um okay well why? She said credit cards and it’s like okay well you know when the payment is due and when they are going to try and take money! I’ve just always marveled at them being broke because I remember growing up around kids who’s parents were broke but these kids always had what they needed!

My Mom can be a manipulator and a bit of a liar so I wonder how much she’s overdrawn and what the real story is. I just never know if she’s hoping I’m going to offer money. She also said how they didn’t have any food. I’ve heard about that my WHOLE FUCKING LIFE and find it disgusting that they never make it a priority to have food in their fucking house! They each get a social security check and my Mom works part time. I’ve added up their bills and there’s still plenty of money left over. The problem is, my “Dad” likes to make sure that all of their money is spent so they go without.

I have always had food in my house. The only time I ever struggled with having food is when I would help them. These days, I don’t help them nor do I even offer. I make sure to feed her when she is here but I’m not going to feed my little brother or the other one. Why should I have to feed people that I don’t like because I need my Mom to babysit? There’s been plenty of times over the years that I helped them and never got paid back or even a thank you. I think my Mom has definitely lost sight of the fact that my “Dad” should help himself. Everyone has done more than they ever should have and now, he’s going to be on his own. I refuse to help with money or even a pack of ramen anymore. I will help my Mom out when she’s at my house but I won’t do anything outside of that.

Past entries pop up and there’s one about my BD. I look back and remember the way I felt about him and my situation and I just can’t believe I spent so much time being sad. I wasted a lot of years being angry and upset over something I couldn’t change. I am so glad that I’m not that person anymore. I still think my BD was out to completely destroy me so I would be trauma bonded so he could have an open door when he was bored.