Day 41 - Mind. Body. Age. in These Foolish Things

Saturday, I took Martini to daycare bright and early and then set off on the 3-hour journey to see Mom and Dad so I could take them to lunch.

As always, I listened to podcasts. One in particular stuck in my brain, and it was particularly interesting as it pertains to Mom and Dad and my feelings around their aging.

I know I have dissed Andrew Huberman for his transgressions, sometimes made-up words, and generally being a flawed human (and who isn’t?), but I still find his topics and his guests highly intriguing. Plus, the podcasts can be up to three hours or more, and I can listen the whole drive.

So I listened to this episode about using your mind to control your physical health, and it was fascinating - and dare I say, life-changing.

Now. It’s a long fucking episode, and everyone will likely take from it what they want, but the things I got out of it will probably seem common sense to you (but you have to understand what a rule-follower I am):

• RULES/LAWS/PROTOCOLS are only parameters that have been put into place by mere humans like (and unlike) myself and yourself and are not always the best way to do something or solve a problem. It’s all relative. And we humans are all different! One thing that’s good for me might not be good for you. There’s no “One Right Way” to do something. Ever. EVER. Granted, there may be solutions that work 99% of the time for certain problems, and that is why we have rules, standards, laws, etc. But there is always, always a margin that differs from the absolute given.

• The Mind/Body Connection is very real and should get more attention than it does. Simply stated, if you think you can, you can. The guest told a story of a family member who had a spontaneous remission from pancreatic cancer. Now. That’s NOT to say that you have mind control over cancer! No way!! But it truly is a mindset thing. Just like when I’d look myself in the eye every morning during my own cancer treatment and tell myself that my body was MADE to handle the treatment. Sure, I followed the rules, and I followed them to the letter, but I also made my mind up that I was going to come out on the other side. There was also discussion of the placebo effect, and that is very real as well!

• Related: YOU are only as old as you FEEL. There have been studies done on seniors who talked like it was 15 years earlier, and their physical bodies acted like and became younger (as seen in various medical studies). You can actually think yourself younger. And the reverse is true. If you think that you are no longer able to do certain things because you are now older, then that’s exactly what will happen. Now, granted, there are things that both of my parents can no longer do and they shouldn’t be doing - driving in the dark and such. But there are also things that they just feel like they’re too old to do and they are just wearing down. But I also look at 95-year-olds who are doing great and can get around just fine and I know that it’s because they just don’t feel or ACT like they’re 95.

• Learned HELPLESSNESS is not the exact term that was discussed in the podcast, but it was essentially what they were talking about. And it’s something that I see with my mother during her older age, though she now has dementia and is in a place where she needs to be taken care of, but also with my brother. My dad still takes care of so much in their household that my brother has this learned helplessness that is keeping him from taking care of things at their house. We ALL KNOW THIS, but nobody is saying it out loud. In general, if someone feels like someone else is always going to be taking care of their needs, then they will LET THEM. It’s a learned helplessness. When all of that support and help is gone, they will step up to the plate!

There are many more lessons to be learned in this podcast (it’s nearly 3 1/2 hours long!), but those are just some of the tidbits that made me think hard about my own life and the lives of those around me.

Had a great visit with Mom and Dad. My bro and SIL were out of town at a Lunar New Year festival for the day, which meant that I had 100% of their attention. They are doing as well as can be for what they are going through.

They live next to a lake, and it was a gorgeous day to be outside, so we went to this cute little lakeside restaurant we frequent often because it’s the easiest place to navigate now. Mom seems to barely eat anything anymore, and yet, she is still very obese. I know she loves her sugary snacks, but even then, it doesn’t seem like she eats much. She is getting even more forgetful, sometimes forgetting something I just told her. She’s not retaining any information anymore. But she’s as sweet as can be. Thank goodness. I just don’t want her to be angry or scared.

Dad is still healing nicely, though he tells me he’s still having some issues. I just ache for him when I think about the fact that he’s holding the whole family fort together. These are things that I can’t do for them/him…but I am considering moving back to [Former City] so I can be a little closer to them. An hour’s drive is SO much easier than a three-hour drive.

Dad said not to move back to [Former City] just for them! But of course, I would be. But there are also better job opportunities there for me considering the types of things I specialize in. And then factor in the fact that I have more of a support system (friends) back in [Former City]. I need to decide pretty quickly as I have to give notice. I’m hoping that more ideas will come to me soon.

Okay. Better go. I have a long, long meeting with Head Cat in 15 minutes and I need to prep. I have a lot more to tell you from the weekend, but it will have to wait for now.

I’ll be back!
xox,
GS