Orientation, Free Will, and Perception in Journal

This morning,
I performed an at once fascinating, amazing, and awe-inspiring act.

I was dreamily reviewing options open to me at the moment; why should, or would I choose one option over another? One option (to sell the house) might mean that I compromise on a commitment that I made to God, and that commitment, I believe, has already paid out return to me. So I have a duty to remain loyal to my commitment.
But, what if I didn’t? What would it be like? How would I feel? What would the environment be like if I did not keep my commitment?
You know, I have never asked this question before. Although that’s not to say that I haven’t kept commitments before, because obviously I have transgressed in that department. But I did not ask the question. I had no curiosity. I just threw away my commitment and focused on the perceived immediate benefit and willfully ignored asking the question, and also shut off my perception to any possible answer to that question.
So, what if I did not keep my commitment?
And I closed my eyes, and really tried to feel what it would be like

I saw- almost without number and in such copious numbers that I felt I was in the middle of a packed school of fish- dead bodies. So many dead bodies. They were ethereal, like the bodies of people so long dead that they perhaps didn’t even remember living anymore. The bodies were, obviously, lifeless, but they were also decaying. Which was very interesting because they were not physical bodies, but gossamer thin see-through bodies. I was strongly reminded of Steiner’s description of the dead astral body. But, he described them as being somewhat sparse in the environment. These were so thick I could not see anything other than the bodies. If there were air, or the bodies displaced it, I thought I might not be able to breathe for their proximity.
Also, they were almost without exception laying horizontal. Only one that I saw was on a canted angle.
They floated around as if being supported or moved in an invisible body of water. There was a slight rhythm to the way they moved- like an ocean might cause- and none of them seemed anchored or belonging to any certain place. They seemed to have drifted in and would just as soon drift out at the whim of whatever current they existed in.

I didn’t feel scared. It was not scary. It was… sad. I felt sad, but not overly so. No strong emotion accompanied witnessing the bodies. They were in themselves absolutely dead and unfeeling, so there was no suffering to witness. And it was equally as absolute that there could be no force or power in all creation that could compel by force a body to accept this fate. IT WAS CHOSEN IN ABSOLUTE FREE WILL.

And then, I opened my eyes. I did not feel good about seeing the bodies, but I felt… amazed. I felt such profound awe that I had been granted witness to this scene. Or this plane, or whatever it was. And I knew, it was because I had asked with sincerity to know what would it be like, if… I did not keep my commitment.
This is what liars look like
That is what they look like, in whatever plane or realm that is. That is their state. That is their will.
Just as importantly, I could see them because of my strong commitment. I was able to ask the question because I possess an anchor that I can now pivot on it, and remain anchored, to glance over to the other side and see what its like over there. Likewise, I can glance in the other direction…
This perspective is only possible because a singular point has been created, and an anchor to that singular point has been made. I recognize the fundamental sense-making ability of the human to be inextricably bound to that human’s commitment to reality. Or to God. Or to whatever. I recognize it because I spent a long time not able to ground my sense-making ability.