I got a new car! in Since OD is shutting down....

So I’ve had my new car almost a week and I love it. I’m now needing to get my taxes done. I paid off that debt that was in collections. I used a credit card so I need my taxes so I can pay that off. I also have to license the new car and I already made my first payment. I’m happy that my other side gig starts paying after every drop so I plan to do more of that because it’s more money in one shot than my other one. I had an interview on Thursday and they want me to come for a second one.

Things are going well. My Mom came for awhile yesterday so I could work. I didn’t make hardly anything at all and then we did lunch. I took my boyfriend and his work people lunch and that was fun. I know that he appreciates that I do stuff like that and I guess they were even talking about how I’m so consistent because I bring him lunch every day.

I’ve spent some time lately thinking about my kids Dad and I realize that the reason we can’t co-parent is because of how he feels about me. That man hates me because I never wanted a relationship with him, because I didn’t let him move in and live off me, and because none of this went his way. I don’t believe he’s healthy mentally or emotionally for my daughter and him seeing her just creates more problems. She’s doing pretty good in school and I don’t want her to go back to acting out and getting suspended like she has before because of the things he tells her. It affects my work day and my stress level having to worry about the phone calls and having to pick her up or early or her not going to school at all because she got suspended.

I don’t feel that anyone understands what I go through dealing with him. What it’s like for him to see her and what I go through before, during, and after visits. It’s miserable. I honestly feel like I’m going to end up in jail putting up with his lies, abuse, name calling and threats. I haven’t spoke to him in almost 3 months and he hasn’t seen our child in almost 8. It’s bullshit that this guy has done damn near everything he could do to absolutely destroy me, my mental health and yet, I’m still supposed to be open minded to him being involved with our child.

Me talking to him is a trigger. All he does is say whatever that’s going to cut the deepest and thrives off the reaction. I’ve gotten a lot better by controlling my emotions and being super aware of how I word things. He’s also posted screenshots of our conversations on Facebook and only posts the parts that make me look bad and I know to watch what I say. He’s truly the meanest, most evil person that’s ever entered my life and I would be happy to never see or speak to him again.

I just feel like life is hard enough that I’m not going to prioritize fighting with someone when there’s no way to win. I also don’t like how he’s made it seem like I owe him my daughter or HER time because he’s paid some CS. He’s always said that I’ve used her as a toy but he’s the one that only wants her when he’s going to look good for other people. He’s treated her like shit every time he’s been around her and she’s told me about it. My daughter doesn’t say much about him but when she does, it’s never anything positive. I also make sure that we don’t say anything about him whether it’s good or bad. I want her to form her own opinions and right now, she doesn’t feel great about him at all.