Panic Attack. in 2014

Ok so many of you know, who have read me for a while, that I used to have very high anxiety about … everything… lol

The last entry I wrote… short… but just thanking a friend. I had my first anxiety/panic attack in AGES and he was able to call me and stay on the phone with me through it.

Thinking back and the thousands of things that were going on in my head during that time… I can’t even pinpoint one thing that started it… I’m pretty sure it was just from being tired. When I’m tired, I can’t catch my breath. I can’t get a nice deep breath in. I was trying and trying which ended up just stressing me out and then all the extra oxygen in my body just made things go crazy. I started thinking about this and that and how much I could just use some help around here, like ONE hour, how busy I’ve been, and stuff like that. Anyway, there I was, in a cold sweat, mind racing, fingers and face tingling and going numb, feeling like I was about to pass out.

I managed to convince my fingers (before they went numb) to text Tom and ask him for help, ask him for advice etc. He called me and stayed on the phone with me until Chris called me from work (I texted him what was going on) and I was able to calm down.

I’m telling you, after years of not having to deal with anything like this (thankfully) it was really hard to try and convince myself that I was going to be ok. Problem was, I just kept focusing on the fact that it could very well happen again, and the kids were around too!! I had no one to help me or come to grab them or anything like that. What if next time, I pass out. What if next time, its worse??? And that was just causing was more anxiety and added to the attack. I thought about that for the rest of the night and almost have 2 subsequent episodes but I managed to calm down and get through without more than just a few tears and slowing my breathing a bit.

Chris still doesn’t get it though. He doesn’t realize how much sleep I’m losing or because I’m working so much I could really use a little more help around here because clearly I’m burning myself the fuck out. I’m ok now though, I am completely and finally done every photo shoot as of now, and I have nothing planned until Tuesday, so thats a nice little break!

No I didn’t quit Karate. I love that. I love working out and the feeling I have after. And its super energizing. I do have more energy now that I’m getting off my arse and doing something lol … Its definitely something I needed considering my job entails sitting at my laptop. -_-

Anyway, I need to go read…

Kristen <3