Crazy busy. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I didn’t get to work at all yesterday because I had to wait for the guy to come fix our burner and back deck. He finally showed up at like 10 and was here for quite a while and then my boyfriend got off at noon because he had an appointment. Well, we were late and had to reschedule. We got McDonald’s for lunch and then went to a couple of stores and then got the kid from school. He got new speakers for his pickup and then we were gonna get his stuff out of storage but it was snow covered at the front door so we weren’t able to get in. We had to run his nephew home and put a tire on his car but it was just too cold. We got home pretty late and finally went to bed.

I happened to creep DB’s Facebook and he put that he’s in a relationship. I like how he made that public and I’m guessing it’s to make someone upset even though no one gives a flying fucking shit about him. I remember back when how I’d see stuff like that or him posting videos having sex with someone and I’d be in my feels about it and now I seriously just don’t care. I really hope that he does find a girlfriend and doesn’t care about being around my child. This thing where he always wants her to be around the flavor of the week is bullshit and I’m sick of her seeing all these randoms that don’t stick around.

So last night I was going through my boyfriend’s phone because he left it in the car and there was a text from an unsaved number from someone asking him to have coffee with them. I immediately message my friend and she even said it’s probably nothing and he didn’t respond. Well, he gets back in the car and we start driving where I ask him if he’s happy with me and our relationship. He said yes and then I asked why he didn’t tell me about that text. He told me that he didn’t even know who it was and said how he doesn’t have time to have coffee. He reiterated how I should know where his heart lies and if I don’t think so then I need to kick him to the curb. My issue is he’s always told me about text like that and this time he didn’t. He said it’s because he didn’t think it was a big deal and it was an oversight. I was sure to tell him that if I got a message like that I would tell him.

Relationships are so complicated and I definitely understand why I was single for so long. Sometimes I just want to rip my hair out. We get along very well most of the time but when we don’t, things really suck. I’ve always fought to have time with him because he works so much and he acts like all I need to do is get a real job but I can do that, I just don’t have reliable childcare outside of school so what am I going to do if I need to go to work and there’s no school that day? I feel like he overlooks details that should be a huge issue like they are for me.

I really do love him and hope that we are together forever. I know the other day when I talked to his step Mom and she even said, “it may not work out” that stuck with me. I do feel he struggles with depression and is bi-polar. His parents said that too. I also worry about what he’s going to be like in 3 days because it will be the 1 year anniversary of his fiancee passing. I have a lot of anxiety about it. I am so sorry she died and it’s hard to think about the fact that I get to know him because of her passing. It’s a hard pill to swallow. Definitely not easy.

This is the first time in my whole life I’ve had an actual boyfriend. Someone who wants to spend time with me, teach me stuff, good to my child and wants to just take care of us and make us happy. I never had that before. He’s never used me or treated me like I’m below him. I’ve had boyfriends before that always made me feel like the annoying little sister. He cares about my feelings and opinions. Like he wouldn’t have bought his truck if I would have said no. He told my Mom that I have control over him but I think that’s just because he does care about me and making sure I’m happy with what’s going on.