The moment in Journal

That I realized I was so strongly empathic (empathetic) that I mistook (necessarily) my mom’s experiences for my own completely changed my life.
It was really not that long ago. 4 years? But it feels like about maybe 3 or 4 times more as before I had that realization. And the amount of time I livedbefore was .. 32 years? Lol. It just seems like a lot has happened, okay.
It is January. I’ve always felt a sort of sense of time in the year, and been aware of the relative happenings and influences. I have only noticed it deepening as I learn more about the world, about myself, and what it all means. On the 21st it was very cold. Statistically it’s the coldest day of the year: the day that all outward physical movement is most asleep and unmoving, frozen. Juxtaposed to the mental/spiritual, which is always at the opposite pole of consciousness. It is the time of highest spiritual consciousness and wakefulness and activity. It’s the movement of the sun out of Capricorn and into Aquarius.
I was born with the sun in Aquarius. In this age of Aquarius, I feel a real power coming through, both during this time of the year and for me personally as an aquarian in this age. The arch angel Micha-el is the ushering spirit for Aquarius. I was named after this being.
It’s all very much in my awareness, during this time of year.

I feel a great relief to be free of my mother’s tyrannical impositions. They were.. smothering. I would not have been able to feel so happy, grounded, and whole. This scourge of affirmation and reassurance that plagues so many, today, would have continued to eat at my soul. She has the same plague, and would have it that I and my children all suffer it as well. No, thanks.
I recognize it now as a sort of mind virus which keeps maturity away. Forever, if it is indulged and the one infected made complicit. One can never mature if the depth and breath of their choices aren’t owned absolutely.
My moon is in Libra. And, if my relationship to my mother were any indication, this is a wholly challenging position.
Most all of my planets are also below the horizon. I’m not affected outwardly, but inwardly.
I can see why I would choose that. These deep inner experiences, only one of which was my ability to really live in and wholly identify with my mother’s projections, have moved my being in ways that no outward influence possibly could. It comes out of me, and is therefore unavoidable. An outward influence, to me, is easily disregarded. I have a harder time giving any proper deference to purely physical phenomena. I like to move; this house, for example, means very little to me. And yet, my daughter was born in this house, and that seems wrong that it should mean so little.

What do I mean by changed my life? Well, party of course my life looks different, but also inwardly my world(whirled) is different. Haha. In BioGeometry we learn about the Energy Key. The direction of your whirl is of utmost importance. And the energy key is created by polarity. Where is my pole? Well it certainly was along the lines of whatever most assuaged my need for affirmation and reassurance. And now, it is far more correct to say that it is close to truth. Or, true North, as it were.