How? 30.10.13 in Your Face

I'm not really sure how long I can keep getting up every day and getting on with things. It is hard. I do feel heartbroken. But what else can I do? I have responsibilities to meet.

Is this the hardest part of our relationship? I'm not really sure. It always feels like the worst when you're right in the middle of it. My headspace is okay, and I am putting on a brave face that is fairly convincing, but the state of our relationship is so very bad. It's just the silence. I know where I stand, and I am fighting for this and dedicated to our relationship - but is he? I just don't know.

I just feel a bit numb, I guess. It's like a survival thing - if I let myself sweat over this I will absolutely go crazy. If I'm going to do this I have to switch it all off and almost pretend like he doesn't even exist. How awful.