Structure in Book 1

She wants to make my life better, she says. But...

She says I deserve it. But...

She says that I make her happy. But...

I don't know if I believe it. 

And then there's the dynamic. She craves structure and she wants to not be able to make decisions. It's why she wears the collar, so I know that I'm the one in control. It's why I write the lists. So she knows what to do and doesn't have to think about it. 

And when she doesn't perform to my specifications, there's agreed upon set of punishments that I choose from. 

She missed a pile of dust on the floor the other day. It was fine. It normally would have been fine. But I told her that it needs to be cleaned properly. She promptly bent over and I gently spanked her. She thanked me for it. Daddy. She said she would do better. 

She's typically a very good girl... So I make the lists, and I search for rewards and punishments. And I learn how to control and I listen to what she says. So that I know and that I remember. So that it can be incorporated next time. 

And she calls herself the sub... But I'm really not sure that's the case. Because one by one, I feel like I'm cracking open each rib to show her something I wasn't even sure was there. She tells me what she wants and I follow. I will command, I will decide, I will push right up to her limit but I know what her limit is because she told me. She told me where the lines are and she told me what we're capable of and that doesn't seem submissive to me.

A protector? Not something I would have thought but I seem to be good at. 

A decider... Decision maker... Okay, let's go with that. 

But when she looks at me and she's pleased with herself. I am pleased. 

And we've barely touched each other. We haven't even been in the bedroom today. 

But when I push and she pulls, we don't need to be in there. That's not what it's about. 

Maybe I can do this and maybe I do believe her