Can't wait until Tuesday!! in Since OD is shutting down....

Christmas vacation is almost over and I’m extremely grateful for that! My Mom babysat for about 2 hours yesterday and I took her with me to work today. The roads became scary after a couple of hours so we got food and provisions and came home. She’s tired and keeps throwing fits over stupid shit but won’t take a nap. It’s been 15 days now so I’m just trying to get through 2 more. I can’t help but be angry that her real Dad is crazy because if he wasn’t, I would have had him help with her.

I’ve had very limited kid free time in the last 2 week and it’s starting to get to me. I can’t handle the constant snacks, messes, and tantrums. I’m also sick of buying her shit every time we enter a store and listening to her scream bloody murder when I say no. My daughter is very entitled and I’m sick of it. I just have a couple of more days and then I’ll be able to work ALL DAY without taking her with me or being on a time situation because my Mom can’t watch her for long.

My boyfriend and I have been in a fight since Saturday night and I’ve barely spoke to him for days. I’ve been sleeping in my daughter’s room. I’ve still made him breakfast every morning and dropped off lunch. He asked me this morning how long I’m going to be like this. Well, after being called controlling, jealous, and him letting me know that I try to take over stuff that I don’t pay for, I’ve decided to back off quite a bit.

I really don’t believe I’m jealous or controlling but definitely could be. I don’t argue when he decides to go out and do his own thing or go visit friends. I didn’t say a word when he used his vacation to go visit family across the country or call him at all when he went to training several states away. I am the least jealous person on Earth I thought. He says a lot of hurtful/untrue things when he starts drinking. I honestly believe this is not going to work out and I’m already planning my exit.

Sometimes my relationship is complete and utter bullshit and I regret giving up my own place to be with him. I think at some point, I will pack what I can in my car and we will leave. I just don’t know how many more times I’m going to deal with what I do. I’m so tired of feeling inadequate simply because I don’t have proper childcare to make real money. It’s like people LOVE that I’m in the predicament that I am so they can make me feel even lower than I do. It doesn’t matter that I pay the internet, the electric, I pay for the majority of the groceries and household stuff. I do all the cleaning, dishes, laundry and take out the trash. None of it matters.

Tax Season is amongst us. I’m waiting on a total of 2 W-2’s and 1099’s. One should come in the mail and the rest should be online. I have no idea but I want to file ASAP. I need that money. I plan to save what I can and have a fat down payment for another car.