Like Sand In The Catbox in Life

I was curious the other day about what the average life span of a white female in the United States was, so I asked google and the answer was 80. It struck me that my mom was already 83. I had decided that in retirement I was going to make 4 trips to Utah in a year. After reading that i got to thinking 4 times a year is not enough time to spend with my mom, so I decided to really look into the possibility of living there, down to going to look at condos for sale when I visit at the end of the month. I didn’t get a gung-ho response when I mentioned it to either my mom or my therapist. My mom said even just by phone I get on your nerves so why dont we stick to your visiting me more often and my starting to visit you again. The therapist said I should not be making any big decisions right now and that she actually agrees with my mom to test things out by visiting more often.

I have to admit my mom’s response hurt my feelings. The same old rejection I have always felt from her. I think it’s only human for people to get on one another’s nerves. You act irritable and give one another some space, and it doesn’t change the fact that you love one another and want to be with them. At this point I can’t do anything about moving to Utah anyway. Im very doubtful that the condos I want to live in will accept five cats.

I’m into my first week of retirement. The reality of not having a paycheck coming in every other week is starting to hit me. I planned everything all wrong. I should have taken a bigger disbursement at the end of the year. Now I’ve spent down to $200 in checking, $200 in savings, $120 in cash, plus I have some unused Walmart gift cards. With the gift cards Im going to get some groceries so I eat at home more often. I meet the financial planner on the 12th and we will set up a monthly withdrawal from my retirement fund, and then social security will start at the end of February. I should probably file for unemployment to get some money coming in for January and February, but the truth is I don’t want a job, and I don’t want to pretend like I do.

My therapist has been encouraging me to have a daily schedule, so I don’t let my mind get in a bad place. I went to join the local senior center today and worked out for a bit. Just a mile walk to ease myself into it. Did it in 20 minutes which is terrible compared to my prior 11.26 minute mile from back in my running days. I want to get back into running but no more half marathons. Maybe 5 or 10 Ks. My plan is to walk Mon, Wed and Friday, and then on Tuesday volunteer at the animal shelter, and on Thursday to volunteer at the genealogy library.