Drama starts where logic ends -Ram Charan in Second 1st

I see I’ve failed at updating again.... and like every year I will try again to post more often.... Lets see…I try to remember the last things I talked about but I always end up actually consulting my “latest entry”. I got responses on most of those resumes I put in with nothing positive. I was also up till 2am researching and doing almost nothing last night. Doordash shift starts at 6 this morning instead of 5 but I still don’t have long to post. Updating on the entry before last....

Destiny’s mom still isn’t talking to her :(. Destiny would like to believe it’s her choice so she made a big deal about her mother’s reaction to the gift she’d gotten her for Christmas. In case I’d not said and as a bit of a background.... Destiny’s stepdad (giving him a title feels gross) would “message” her and her sister Heather awake. According to Dest’s mom it was ” to not wake them aggressively” Then.... “message wasn’t even a word in our house”. When Destiny was younger and all this had come out the first time she had refused to believe it as well.... that’s how I came to know Destiny to start with. Their dad believed them and was in a position to take custody (for the most part) .... I guess that’s why mom thought it was all a lie.... an elaborate plan to move in with dad.

Destiny had gotten her mother an hour message for Christmas and the exchange of gifts was done by Christopher, her oldest. He’s been living with Destiny’s mom most of his life. The kids know nothing. I can’t tell them. It’s not my story. What they know is that Grandma isn’t talking to mom right now. Grandma seems fine but Destiny does not. Destiny called her mother to thank her for the gift (I don’t remember what it was) and to make sure that her mom had opened hers. I heard her (sitting across the table from me) telling her mother “It wasn’t malicious. I didn’t even think about it. I know you really like getting messages with Rebecca so I got you an hour. I didn’t think about it when I bought it and the one has nothing to do with the other.” After roughly 24 hours Destiny sent her a message saying that her number was blocked and a reminder that “You are the one who brought all this up. I’d forgiven you for your part a long time ago. I love you now and always will but I won’t let you put blame where is doesn’t belong.” Her mother says she believes the girls were coerced..... in order to have reason to move to dad’s. Heads up… her step mother didn’t want them there either. Ugh, I did not like her.... shrugs

I’ve been trying to go over as much as I can to help her through it.... especially when Critter is out bowling and she’s at home alone.....

Next bit.... Rocky got a call yesterday.... his adoptive father passed on the first or that night.... details are fuzzy. They are currently in process of getting the body released to Rocky’s mother who will work the VA to get him buried. Rocky would like to go down for the funeral ..... so he will. Probably without me as that will be cheaper and we won’t miss as much income. I told him when he gets out of work to put that check and his paycheck in the bank and we will figure it out as soon as we have a date.... he’s not going to the 3 days bereavement till then and has already talked with HR and his direct supervisor.

This is ultimately why I was up till all hours.... I’ve got to find something more stable than Doordash. I do have a credit card I had gotten for the online business that failed.... $10,000 limit in case we NEED it.... but I’d like to not need it so .... well I have to work.... longer… harder.... he will have money to go down on but I’m not sure about getting back..... and even though I thought we’d get to make some progress on the financial situation this month..... well.... a little callous I know, I can tell you I feel a little guilty and it feels childish to feel like finances are more important to me personally..... but this is a guy who “bought” a truck from us and failed to make payments then “moved” to Alaska and didn’t tell Rocky for a month because he was in rehab for hard drugs (Heroin and Cocaine). I do find the timing more shocking than the death....

Lastly, yesterday, I went to lunch with Jake. I told him I can’t do that. I can’t stop for lunch when I don’t have my goal yet, and I failed at the goal yesterday because of it (60.50/102). So, the rest of the week, it will be impossible to reach $550, which is the minimum. sigh. Again, I’m never going to get this in order.

I asked Jake if he was going to be home and he said some stupid shit about getting a dumpster and it being dropped off at 2.... but not coming home “depending on how late the dumpster is. In actuality it was because he had a chance to go out with Tabitha (his other girl friend who he doesn’t ever get to see because she’s always working).

We’d kissed before and after lunch and I could tell that I am in great need of some affection.... and told him so.... but hey! on the off chance that Tabitha MIGHT come over after work to hang out with him. .... he stayed another night (3rd in a row) at his mom’s.... at least he’s getting things cleaned up over there though.... for when he does move his mom and actually moves in.

I’m not going to lie that hurt my feelings a bit.... BUT it’s not like we are committed.... like anything is going to become of us anyways..... we went for “your my soulmate” to not needing each other at all.... so sad. It does hurt even though I know I did it. There were moments yesterday during lunch where I thought I’d made a big mistake..... luckily logic is my friend.... at least I like to think so....

I”ve been logged in and on break on Doordash for 20 mins now.... and the cars been warming up.... pretty sure I’m done with excuses to not work and need to get moving.

Logic is the technique by which we add conviction to truth. - Jean de la Bruyere