Christmas is over!!! in Since OD is shutting down....

It was a great Christmas don’t get me wrong but I’m so glad the stress is behind me! We had a fantastic holiday and my boyfriend made it downright magical. He got me pink long stemmed roses and hands me a little box. Like a ring box. My heart was pounding. I open it up and it’s a beautiful sterling silver necklace that has a cross with a diamond in the heart! I was absolutely floored! I just love it!! My kids big sister brought us cups and she got me a Stanley!! My daughter got a bunch of great stuff from everyone and it was fun watching her open her gifts and enjoy them! My boyfriend gave me money on Christmas Eve and I went to a few different stores and got some stuff. He isn’t a big shopper and has issues with his feet so I went and it was a lot of fun! I don’t like shopping for myself but I do like getting stuff for others.

I thought about reaching out to my daughter’s bio Dad a few days before Christmas and stumbled upon some messages that he had sent our daughter. One of them had stated that she needs to understand she only has 1 Dad and that I’m keeping her from him. I immediately decided not to reach out because even if would have, I would just be faced with more hate and anger no matter how nice I’d be. I came down with one helluva cold over the weekend that I’m still recovering from. I can’t smell anything and I feel like my ears need to pop.

My boyfriend had his Christmas party last night for work but we didn’t go. My daughter has been getting on my nerves and I just didn’t want his work people to see me all pissed off and overstimulated. My daughter also chose to skip over dinner, breakfast, and lunch so I didn’t feel she needed to go eat out. I felt really bad though. I know how badly he wanted us to come but I just couldn’t. My Mom didn’t feel like babysitting and honestly, I told her to fuck off. I get so fucking sick of never getting adult time that I could puke. We ended up being okay and we took her to her surgery today. My kid wouldn’t stop interrupting and I was glad to get my Mom home because she refuses to allow me to talk to anyone when they’re around.

I’m tired of being around my kid. I will flat out say it. The constant noise, her talking over me and flat out disrespect is making me lose my fucking mind. I took a nap yesterday and woke up to her screaming at me because I was snoring. I’m congested as fuck and couldn’t really help it. I can’t believe how fucking rude and disrespectful she is. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get through the next week with her. I think Christmas break takes a toll on me every year. I just go crazy having my kid 24/7 for 2 weeks and then some. It’s been 10 days and we have another week.

Being a single Mom has affected me more than I will probably ever understand. I truly believe that everyone around me has enjoyed using my daughter to control me and watching me spiral from riding the struggle bus. I am going to be so fucking happy when she’s finally old enough to be home by herself, even a couple of hours at a time. My Mom is supposed to watch her on New Year’s and let’s hope she does. I just need to get some time with my ole man because we don’t see each other much because he’s always at work and we’re never kid free. I know it’s been awhile since we’ve been able to even go to dinner by ourselves.

I’m gonna start dinner here soon. It’s been snowing all day but it’s not sticking to the roads. I guess I gotta take my Mom to her follow up appointment in the morning and then I’m planning to work for a little bit. I’ve had some money in the past few days but it’s gone just as fast as I get my hands on it. I’m so tired of everything being so expensive. It’s damn near impossible to save any bit of money whatsoever. I should be getting a CS payment like tomorrow. I really hope I do because I have a couple of bills to pay.

Things are going decent other than having an anal tear flare up and then having a really bad cold. I still haven’t talked to my brother. I think it’s been like 3 or so months now. I just don’t feel like him or his family treat us very well and I’m happier not really having anything to do with him. My boyfriend would like to see us talk again and I’m sure we will but it’s just not a thing for me right now. He also said that he doesn’t think it would be bad if my kid saw her real Dad for a couple of hours here and there but the issue with that is I don’t need the worry of him keeping her from me again and he’s clearly still bad mouthing us to her. It’s just never good for her to be around him because he’s a negative influence which has a domino affect. She comes home and has a hard time at school and being back with us for several days because he can’t shut his fucking mouth!

I just get so tired of going out of my way to try and make things work and get along with people that I’m okay with leaving things where they are. I just don’t feel that it’s my job to be the glue that holds everything together anymore.