The last day of 2024 in Stuff

It's the last day of the year, so it's a fitting time for an entry.  I might just start with a bit of what's been happening, and maybe reflect on my year before I head to gym and then head to Moe and Ben's to spend New Year's with them.  This is something I've done a few times now, so it's a bit of a tradition, since I'm not at Tropical Fruits this year, given last year's weather-event disaster, which should have been an omen for how this year was gonna turn out lol.

First of all, I got my results from the doctor.  She rang me at around 8:45am for a 7:50am telehealth appointment lol.  So I got up early on my day off for no reason.  Anyway, good news is, I got the all clear.  She said it must have just been something that was going around.  I knew this would happen, as I started to feel a bit better probably the day before or so.  I then saw someone post on the South-East-Queensland Covid Facebook page, "Has anyone gotten really bad gastro with this strain??" and a heap of people agreeing with it.  So now I'm wondering if maybe I even had Covid and didn't know??  I'm still convinced it was those antibiotics, but it did make me wonder.  Taking a RAT didn't even cross my mind when I was trying to control not shitting myself lol, so I didn't take one.  Now I'm thinking maybe I will in future, if Covid seems to be showing up in all these crazy ways these days.  I also don't think I had Covid because I went to Christmas lunch with family, and I haven't heard anything about anyone getting it, but apparently it's rife again at the moment.  But hey, it's the new normal these days and we just have to live with it.

My anxiety has been rearing it's head this week, for whatever reason, again.  I mean, it does make sense when I think that I'm still searching for a new place to live within the next three weeks, and also that my mum is now alone in her home, now that my little brother and his family have headed back home, after spending the last six weeks with her since dad's funeral.  

I'm proud that I've gotten better at recognising my anxiety and being kinder to myself, because I was doing anything but that earlier in the year, after Luke and his partner were murdered.  Then my dad getting a stage 4 cancer diagnosis and given weeks left to live in August didn't help my anxiety either.  Then he died in November, and I watched him take his last breath.  Man, it was tough.  My personal relationship with my own mortality still isn't great and is something that I really need to work out how to approach in a healthy way.  I'm just not sure about the best way to go about it, because sweeping it under the rug isn't doing me any favours.

Seeing a psychologist and meditating and listening to podcasts were probably the best things I did for myself this year.  I was in a scary place.  I somehow have avoided the medication, putting myself down so many times for not being on it.  But I stuck with it because that's just what felt right to me, despite everything.  I just kept thinking that if this was meant to appear in my life, then there must be a way for it to disappear.  Yin and Yang and all that jazz.  That's what makes sense to me.  It just didn't, and doesn't, make sense for my own thoughts to be the end of me.  Because that's what they were trying to do.  At the moment, I'm at a stage where the bad thoughts come and I'm like, "Oh okay then. There you are again," sorta thing.  Certainly not with my head in my hands pleading for them to stop.  I feel I haven't needed the strait-jacket in some time now, and that's progress.  Having said that, I understand that I am not there yet.  I am handling it.

I had some highlights this year.  Only two major ones I can think of.  Two people dying threw me into a spin this year unfortunately.

- I went to Taiwan, despite my head pleading with me not to get on that plane.  I did anyway.  The whole flight there, my head was like, "What the hell are you doing??"  Then mother nature threw the worst typhoon since 1996 at me whilst I was there lol.  I was concerned, but I also found it a bit exciting.  It helped that the Taiwanese were such amazing people.  Obviously, I couldn't interact with most people, but the very few I did helped.  Catching the high-speed-rail and seeing Harris in his home town was a major highlight for me also, getting driven around on a scooter.

-Seeing Ricki-Lee in concert in September was also a big highlight for me too.  It was the only concert she was doing in Australia, and I planned a trip to Sydney specifically to go see her, and had the best time, even though I was by myself.  She encouraged the crowd to leave their problems at the door for those few hours and have a good time, and it was advice I needed to hear.

I don't know what 2025 is going to bring, but as Smash Mouth said, "The years start coming and they don't stop coming."  Got that right! 

I feel a little bit weird writing this entry, given the rollercoaster this year was for me.  If I can get my menty health on track, I know I'll feel better.   I'm looking forward to seeing in the new year with some of my best friends, and that's all I can ask for.