The Benefits of Being Unforgiving in 2020s

I read an article written by someone who lived in the US and Italy comparing the two cultures. One of the things they pointed out was how Americans tend to hold grudges, whereas in Italy, someone could be screaming at someone in the morning and happily having lunch with them in the afternoon.

Oh, Americans definitely do hold grudges and are far from forgiving, despite preaching the importance of forgiveness—that’s for sure! I learned this at a young age. I’ve got people, both related to me and not, who won’t forgive me for some stupid thing I did 30 years ago as a young, naive, and troubled person working through childhood trauma. It’s almost ridiculous—the grudges people will hold and how unforgiving they are.

At the same time, I’ve made myself become less forgiving as well, because, as funny as it may sound, it can be a good thing. When you’re more forgiving, you’re more likely to let someone back into your life who has screwed you in the past, thinking they’ve changed when they haven’t. It’s only a matter of time before they offend you again. So, I can kind of understand the need for self-preservation and keeping a grudge going. A softer heart really can lead to more trouble. People take advantage of others.

I have never forgiven my mother, sister, nieces, or anyone responsible for legally screwing me in Arizona, and I never will. Never. And I make no apologies for my attitude, either. Twice, I forgave my sister for some shitty things she said and did, and each time, things were fine at first—until they weren’t, and history repeated itself.

My lack of forgiveness knows no bounds in my later years. Related to me or not, history or not, you screw me and we’re done forever even if I don’t stay angry forever.