Was my ex girlfriend there or not? in Vulnerability

  • Dec. 2, 2024, 2:28 a.m.
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I'm very tired today.  I think I was mentally exhausted yesterday and crashed out from a nap, which resulted in me awaking at 11pm, and it's now 6:15pm the next day.  I was at the gym wondering why I feel so tired, and remembered that's probably why.  I just lay in bed, pondering, until I opened my laptop at around 4am, and watched the live-stream of my dad's funeral.  It was cool to get a point of view of those who may have watched it online on Saturday.  I didn't even look much to see who was in the crowd when I was there, but I saw a few other long-lost relatives on the live-stream, as it kinda panned out to show everyone.  I don't think anyone would want to watch it, but apparently Burstow's never delete the live-streams, so I may as well link it here for future reference, if ever I want to watch it again.  There were a few parts that I had missed, as I was comforting mum or whatnot.  Dad's funeral live-stream

I'm third-up in the eulogy.  I was afraid watching it back that I would have a "gay voice", and it's quite clear that I do HAHA.  Oh well, relatives who didn't know, they sure must now!  I can also see how shy I am in that I don't open my mouth properly while I speak, or at least publically speak.  I'm still proud of myself that I even did it, as I was shaking with nerves while my older brother was speaking, but I'm slightly off-camera, so I can't really tell.

During my non-slumber last night, I kept thinking back to the few people who spoke to me in the Pioneer's room after we'd been at the ceremery.  It was all such a blur that I'd almost forgotten some of the convo's I'd had, but I recall an older lady speaking to me and all I remember her saying was, "Please keep in touch with Fiona."

Now, Fiona was my one and only girlfriend (unless you count Samantha in Grade 5, who was much cooler than Fiona, lol) and I haven't spoken to or heard from her in 25 years.  I "dated" her when I was 15 and I'm 40 now (41 this week!) and I'm near-sure that she blocked me from everything when she heard through the gossip-grapevine that I was gay.  What's even more crazy, is that I think I was talking to Fiona herself shortly after that convo with whom must have been her mother, but I don't recall any of the conversation with her at all.  But I'm sure they were both there.  It would make sense that they must have known who my father was, as I think he dropped me off at their house that one time, and my parents tend to make friends with anybody (as was evident by how many people were at his funeral.)  So my guess is they would have seen a Facebook post or the Funeral Notice and decided to attend.  But, how crazy is that?  That I can't recall the conversation with either of them (except that one bit), but I'm sure I chatted with them.  I didn't recognise either of them at all.  I mean, it had been such a long time, and I'm pretty sure I'd been pulled away for family photos or something.  I remember being annoyed that someone wanted photos, as I was sure my eyes were still bloodshot from crying, but I asked my sister if I looked okay, and she said that I did.  I haven't seen those photos pop up anywhere yet.  But yeah, why would I "keep in contact with Fiona" when she's the one who blocked me all those years ago?  That's all I really remember.  I checked my spam messages on Facebook just incase there was a message or something, but nope.  Like ships in the night again I guess.


Last updated December 02, 2024


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