Checked Out... in Dreams And Nightmares

Is how I’ve been living lately.

Thanksgiving is this Thursday and I’m not really sure how I feel about it. This year it’s being held at my younger cousin’s new house. I don’t know why I’m apprehensive. Too soon? Feels like it.

So, this dream was wild. Somehow I was back in jail. Went through processing and everything but somehow had kept a pocketknife. A guard/medic had been killed inside. We had to leave our cells to go take some test…I don’t remember what. Fearing that I’d get searched I thew the knife down some stairs. We do the test and are taken back.

In front of where I’m at the knife is before me disassembled and a guard is walking through asking whose it is. No one is speaking up and as he starts to walk away I confess. He confers with me then leaves. Now one of the inmates has the knife and is trying to kill me, the guards are behind a solid steel door, locked, not answering my cries for help.

I wake up.

Later on in the evening as I’m in the shower I’m trying to convince myself to drink.

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

236 Days