CS court, crazy ass people. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s been hella chaotic here lately. My ole man works a lot and is leaving tomorrow until Thursday. I have to take him to the airport late morning and I’m already losing my mind. I hate that he’s already gone so much and now he will be gone overnight until Thursday. He’s got some health issues going on and needs to get his health insurance through work. The doctor thinks he may have colon cancer. Friday night while we were watching the fights he was talking about how he would have to marry me to get us on his insurance but we touched on that last night and I told him to just get it and add us later because he only has a week to get signed up. We can’t get married that fast. He wants to have life insurance so I would have money for a house and another car when he goes. I was absolutely broken yesterday thinking about all this and I just want to know what’s wrong. He’s to send in a stool sample and hasn’t done it yet.

Anyways, there was court on Tuesday and we went. BD got there after the fact and is to pay an extra $50 a month. His employer still hasn’t put the order on so he’s been working almost 2 months and still hasn’t paid anything. His new thing is he wants receipts for whatever money he pays. I know that it’s just to control and manipulate me. He hasn’t cared about receipts all these years that I’ve been the one paying for her upkeep. He’s just this mean, vile person that refuses to make any of this possible. It’s like a fucking warzone. I haven’t allowed him to see my daughter since June and until CS is paid, I refuse visitation. He actually paid her phone bill the other day and apparently was still telling her how terrible I am and just having conversations with her like she’s an adult. I have since blocked him on her phone. I’m not going to allow this shit to go on.

I have been running around cleaning and getting laundry done today. I need to make dinner soon because after he gets home, we have to go get stuff out of storage to put in in the storage here in town.

So now, I’m praying I make some decent money this week because I’m so broke I can’t hardly think about anything else. I should have gotten my last paycheck from my job. I was told it would be mailed on Tuesday and still haven’t gotten it. I have made several attempts to reach out where I’m being blown off so I’ll probably have to go to the DOL and see if they can help me get it. I know that it’s not much but it’s going towards my portion of the rent. The week after next is Thanksgiving and I don’t know how much my Mom is going to babysit so I can work so I’m really under the gun to make money.

My little brother is almost 30 and still lives with my parents. Well, a few months ago, he stabbed my Mom’s dog. I had called the cops and the cops arrested him. The state has picked up the charges so my Mom has begged me to talk to him so I have. Last night we were messaging where he had mentioned my ole man and wanted to know why he got so mad. I told him it’s because he refused to take accountability and came off like he didn’t care. He fired back and said that he’s going to shut down my Mom watching my kid.

I just want to know why everyone’s go to is to weaponize me getting any help with my child. My Dad and little brother have never liked her babysitting and have done plenty to prevent it. I don’t like feeling that someone wants me to sugarcoat things or just agree with them or I will face severe consequences. I’m allowed to be honest, I’m allowed to challenge other perspectives and above all else, I’m allowed to have my own mind. My little brother is just like my Dad where he wants to be completely in control of other people and wants everything his own way. I quickly ended the conversation where he then blocked me from contacting him. Well, that’s fine. I have never been too interested in having a relationship with him anyways. It sounds like he won’t have much accountability with the courts so I don’t really know why I should have to talk to him.

He was telling me how he wasn’t gonna go to court and how it’s my Dad’s fault that he chose to stab the dog. No, he chose to hurt the dog and has always been abusive with the animals. He’s gotten away with it his whole life and I really hope that after all this, he will never lay another finger on an animal. It’s maddening how much him and my Dad have done and they seem to just keep skating by with little to no consequences. I just wish my parents would put him in a home or a different living situation.

My Mom is still stuck paying all the bills and has recently started talking to some guy that’s supposed to be here in like a month. She’s planning on filing for divorce and taking off with him. She’s wanting to just give my Dad the house and bail. I really hope she does. She’s spent her life taking care of them and shouldn’t have to anymore. I asked her the other day what my Dad plans to do if she were to leave or just can’t work anymore.

I just couldn’t imagine putting up with what she has all these years. All she does is listen to both of them bitch and scream all day long. They are both very toxic people that I wish would just leave everyone alone. I needed her to take my daughter to the dentist Tuesday morning and asked her if she was coming alone. Well, apparently my Dad overheard that and got up and stormed off. I also let her know that if my Dad ever shows up, my daughter is to text me to which I will call my ole man at work who is only a mile down the road. I do believe at this point he knows my ole man is no joke and things would end up really bad for him.

But yeah, child support court is a fucking joke and I will never go again. The judge was friendly and wasn’t intimidating whatsoever and I now understand why these men don’t pay. There’s zero threat of jail. I don’t plan to call and ask about it anymore. I was so upset after court that once my ole man dropped me off and went to work, I sat in my livingroom and cried my eyes out for about an hour. I am so angry that there’s zero accountability for this person that I could scream. He’s been working for almost 2 months that the wage garnishment is still no on his checks.

I have spent years having to roll over and accept that he doesn’t pay. I have accepted that I’m on my own. I have accepted that my daughter is for me to worry about and that he gets to be what he is. It’s just crazy how someone can just make your life a living hell and won’t stop. All I can do is just cut contact and let it play out how it’s meant to. I just think about how much I’ve struggled with depression and doing everything by myself and there’s no end to his crazy. The guy still texts my daughter and does absolutely everything he can to keep stirring the pot. He says I’m the deadbeat because I won’t let him have her and that all I care about is money. Well yeah after I’ve been the one to struggle financially all these years, it would be nice for him to have to help. He’s gotten to have a choice all along and I have not.

All I know is I have more than enough to worry about. I’m very stressed about money and my ole man possibly having cancer. I spend most of my time worrying about those 2 things. I love him a lot and plan to be with him for whatever time I get. I wish that I didn’t have to worry about it all though. He said a couple of nights ago that I’m going to outlive him and I knew that when we met because he’s 10 years older than me. I just want him to be happy and comfortable for as long as possible. He works his ass off for us and is the best man I have ever known. I’ve never seen a man work so hard to take care of his family and give us everything he possibly can. He’s honest, caring, and the most incredible soul. I never thought in my life I would find such a good human to share my life with and the thought that it could get cut short has got me really emotional. I cried so much yesterday that my eyes stung and were swollen.

Anyways, I’m going to watch tv and then make dinner.