feeling better in Second 1st

I am on the edge. I am about to break.... down… up… need a… I don’t care… the world is trying to tell me something and I’m not sure how to hear it let alone listen.

Today, Jake wanted to push buttons all day. I appreciate his help in meeting my goals but ..... I need a schedule that’s set… I hate adding stuff here and there and I”m not handling it well.

I want to cry…I’m tired but not the kind where ya sleep it off....

Jake says “I’m not turning into another Rocky am I?”.... well honestly right now I want to say no cause if I say yes he’ll be hurt and I don’t want to do that..... but.... I need him to stop being up my ass…
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That was yesterday while Jake took a nap. It’s 4:19am and he’s getting out of the shower now. It will be another rough go today I’m sure BUT..... I got some chill time yesterday when he woke.

While he napped I took some plastic bags to a collection box at town hall. Then, I went to Taco Bell, decided it all looked gross for some reason and went back home.

Eating yesterday just didn’t happen. We had gotten breakfast around 8 ......... Jake got a sausage biscuit and I got a steak bagel..... my steak bagel is rediculous so we ordered in the app at McDonalds.... except I wasted $10 because I ordered it from a McDonald’s I was not willing to drive to almost 20 mins away. So we went in and ordered and I felt DUMB worst feeling I know. “I’d like a steak bagel, no cheese, no egg, no salt, extra hollandaise sauce.” They never extra the sauce.... ” I literally want steak on a bagel.” .... I ate about half of it before Jake accidentally knocked it on the floor while I was picking up an order. He felt bad and felt the need to tell his mother .... I accepted it and forgot to even tell Rocky..... it’s no biggy.... however, that’s why by lunch I was so hungry I was sick about food. ....

Had a gummy and after awhile started snacking which I slightly regret. Jake made Spanikopita (spinach pie) for dinner and it was amazing. He let me veg out and it was a nice quiet afternoon..... except everytime I got into watching tic tok he wanted to talk lol. It was fine he wasn’t so bothersome when I was cross-stitching.

I feel much more prepared for today. I explained to him that THAT was the goal. yes bills need to be paid and I need money for that and for work to end each day I have a goal BUT chillin’ in the real goal. That’s my life line. That’s how I keep life in perspective and order. I absolutely need that to survive.

Jake made some Apple crisp but I haven’t eaten any of it yet. He also made me some topping just to snack on.... both are in the fridge now and will get eaten in the next few days. ..... 4:36 he’s all ready to go and wants to stop for coffee per usual. So.... time to get started I guess. Before we leave I check on Rocky.... make sure he’s awake and give him an update on the dogs digestive tract....(she didn’t poop this morning) He will let her out again with that in mind before he leaves.

Have a great day ya’ll.

Oh yeah.... just a reminder for myself.... need to tell you about the ring the world gave me for my birthday.