The first two pages of my novel. What do you think? in Poetry

The first two pages of my novel. Please let me know what you think.

Tiriel looks at the heavens while whispering in his head: The Sun slowly rises from the time it suffered from being held down under and trapped in Hades. A red light strikes the horizon and scatters. The light shatters the night like glass as the Sun breaks free from the mouth of Cerberus. The Sun has finally awoken from its grave to illuminate the path of lost souls to return home. Now, the Sun knows what it feels like to be cold.

The Moon knows this sight because its belly is filled with fake light. The face of the Moon melts in awe and fright. The damp, dark cold slowly fades into warm, moist air as the dew waters the ground. The stars stretch out the Sun’s light to erase the darkness and engulf Tiamat in a new day as the creatures of the night scatter away. The darkness of the night vanishes as the Moon takes flight, surrendering its rights. The Sun will not surrender its grace; it will push through even when it is being erased.

Tiriel takes notes about this mysterious day. He analyzes his surroundings and thinks everything seems out of place. The stars are in a different location. At night, the Moon seems farther away. I am unfamiliar with this beautiful island. Everything feels so calm. I feel so empty, and the void is eating me alive. I feel like I am a million miles away from everything and was meant to suffer through this journey alone. Why do I fear that something terrible is about to happen?

Then, a fog surrounds him. He sees nothing but white, and there are no details to help his sight. A warm wind rushes in to separate the fog, creating a path. Tiriel begins to walk down the foggy myrtle path in the forest, and he wonders in awe that the sky and Tiamat decorate themselves in a new design—an image he has saved in his mind. He sees that the Sun has moved several degrees.

Tiriel asks out loud, “How old am I? How long have I been gone? Has 200,000 years already passed?”

Then he becomes silent and thinks: There has been a shift in the heavens. A New Age begins with consciousness in our hands. He continues walking down the myrtle path while figuring out the mystery: How did I get to this time and place?

The path in the forest led Tiriel to a beach. He kneels to scoop a handful of sand. He slowly let go, watching the grains of sand float away and dissolve in the air: “It’s all a matter of wind and time. When you are floating, you do not have control of the direction where you go. When you disappear, you’ll reappear in a different place and time. Nothing ever changes; it just rearranges.”

Tiriel picks himself back up and continues walking down the beach. Tiriel notices something in the tree and stares at a Serpent that slithers toward Tiriel, “Hello, Tiriel.” Momentarily, the Serpent pauses to stick its tongue in the air. “I hope you are enjoying this moment in time. Welcome to a new day, for the spell of time has its own rhyme.”

Tiriel admires the blue Serpent, “You are unique in design. I also understand that you try to play tricks on people’s minds. Why do you approach me today?”
The Serpent slithers back, coils, and raises its head to speak, “I am your warning that things are fixing to change. You do not ask the right questions because you still possess your name. Is it too soon, or do you not remember what is at stake? No worries, I’ll show you the pain.”

Tiriel instantly becomes petrified and freezes once the Serpent utters those life-changing words. The Serpent traps Tiriel in a spell. Tiriel foresees dark roads lie ahead, and he would have to become like the Sun and free himself from Hell. He will also need help from the stars above to make it through the journey he has unknowingly begun. Then, he begins to feel the moist, cold air warm up as it lightly touches his skin. The warmth of the Sun starts to heat the air. The warm air inches its way around Tiriel’s skin. He absorbs the warmth and heat into his body because he knows that he will need every bit of strength to conjure within himself to succeed against the bleak odds.

Tiriel turns back to the Serpent, and the Serpent immediately changes its color to black. The Serpent’s eyes turn into a whirling fire, shaping itself in a downward spiral as the Serpent hypnotically stares into Tiriel’s eyes, “The only thing that will follow is the death of almost everything! Your knowledge is blank, and your soul speaks meaningless words. You think you possess the keys, but both hands are free of the objects you have yet to retrieve. How will you ever be the piece that unlocks the eye to open its sight?”

The Sun falls from the sky as soon as the Serpent whispers those words. The daylight breaks apart into shards of glass. The Moon laughs its way back into the night with no starlight. The trees lose their leaves, and the grass disappears from the land. A deep arctic cold rushes in to invade and conquer the warmth that the passionate Sun so dearly gave. The Serpent gets face to face with Tiriel: “Sleep and fall into the riddle, for the path is known.”