Ive got the eye of the tiger in Riverdale

got arrested for the first time. at 27 thats not too bad....

my week has been CRAZY and when i say CRAZY I mean CRAZY!!!

first off i got arrested. nothing too bad. typical douche bag shit from my neighbour ex. he wouldnt leave me alone when we clearly had broken up twice id walk home and hed be in my face saying something. i had earphones on so i dont know exactly WHAT.

anyways one night he actually called me. we have both been on a stand off with eachother really. when i really wanted to do it talk to him personally calmly and rationally. even if i had to lie to keep the peace. we live right beside eachother and its a small community. he agrees on text and on phone calls but when it came down to it if i saw him on the street he would be in my face and i would just walk right on by ignoring it like i usually do and have to…

thats fucking stressful enough.

hes not a text or call harasser hes a in person harasser mostly unfortunately.

anyways he called me one night at a reasonable hour but with my blocking app it went straight to voicemail which i am glad about.

but later on i thought id call back and be calm or whatever. i miss him. (i know ew eh?) but at the same time i didnt need him or really feel like i was desperate for him. part of it was survival wanting to talk things out and see him reasonably and part of it was that destructive bond we both have.

anyways. he actually talks with me reasonably.he tries to convince me to go over to his place but i decline since hs prone to have his douche friends over and i knew i would feel ganged up on and shit.

so he came over here and it was ok at first. i didnt expect too much. but when it came down to it it was obvious he could not put the past on the back burner and was intentionally very cold towards me and the second he came into my place he was in my cabnets and shit loking for tea and all this other garbage trying to take from me since i told him i didnt have any beer or whatever. even when he clearly had some on him that he brought with him.

i was drunk ill admit. i had feelings for him and still do to a certain extent.

so when he treated me so coldly and tried to so boldly use me it pissed me off.

i told him to leave and he proceeded to take insense from me of all things right in front of my face without asking out of spite for asking him to leave.

i was pissed and started throwing his chips he brought over at him. and he just started telling me shit like oh you are going to fuck your floor up like that. i didnt give a shit i had enough.

than he finally left and i had thought at the time he had taken my charger. my battery was completely dead as i really wanted to just phone someone and vent. i had recently just had my ipod stolen from me so i was quite upset. i had no money to buy a new one until the next week.

so i went to his apartment and started screaming at him to give it back to me and all this other shit about him. and he came out and started screaming at me telling me to kill myself and all this other shit i dont know why. people threw water at me to try to get me to shut up i guess.

and than the police came. i was pissed and upset and he ran back into his apt turned the lights off and locked the door i guess.

they didnt even question him after they asked me why i was screaming just said oh ur drunk and selfish for waking everyone else up they hand cuffed me and put me in the back of the car. i complied obviously. they were going to let me go but still my problem was not solved and they didnt want to listen to me and i was still quite upset so they said. ok you are under arrrest.. and said no wonder your boyfriend left and other ognorant shit like that.

they took me to the station photographed me and shit. and patted me down and threw me in a cell with a stupid iron bed and no toilet paper and a toilet facing a camera. thats expected i guess. and i was drunk and upset so i didnt care much anyways. other chicks that were locked up started screaming at me and threatening to beat me up for being loud and drunk and once again called selfish for waking up the nieghbours in the morning. lol like what the fuck.

anyways. i didnt sleep all night. eventually befriended the two chicks mostly enough to just occupy my mind.

the next morning i come home and theres texts from my ex telling me how stupid i am and shit like that for getting arrested. and blaming me for causing HIM problems. i called im a beligerent fool basically than he kept going on berating me telling ME i need help and i was just like ok you know what you win. i didnt wannt engage in stupidity anymore. fighting i just got over being slapped with a ticket i can barely afford for the stupidest shit ever.

than he went on to say i need stronger? meds? and help so i dont end up like a street person....

i didnt respond ive had enough…what is there to say to someone so clearly delusional selfish and unwilling to comprimise.

anyways....

i went to work that night because im broke and ended up telling my boss what happened kind of broke down at that point because i have no one really to talk to and i know he is quite empathetic. he said he was concerned with my safety rightfully so and said maybe i should stay in a shelter for a bit to get some space. so i went to a shelter and it was pretty shit really. people were not very nice and miserable and none of the saff were very helpful. there were alot of rules and it was strict and there was four people to a room

i slept ok the first night. but the second night when i came back i just couldnt do it. was too rough and scary for me. really .and overwhelming i hate being around so many people .i had a few panic attacks and shit.

so i left the woman before i left seemed concerned intially but i dont really believe she will follow up to advocate for me to get a transfer but we will see.i guess.

i am anyways requesting two police reports. the one from the other night and another poiice report made on him of witnesses seeing him chasing me screaming at me. to try to see what i can do to get away from him and the neighbourhood. obivously my word and therapist and my case workers word is not enough to get me tranferred to another affordable housing apartment without loosing my housing or being on the streets or going to live in a shelter or living in a shared living place after living on my own for so long. its bullshit. so my therapist is helping me with that and hopefully things can get moving with it.