The Vibes Are Nor in Current Events

Yesterday had all of the ingredients for a good day cake. It fell flat. It was bitter.

I woke up way too early for my own good because I was too excited about finally being able to go to the gym. My cold is behind me now. My childhood friend that I see there managed to set me off. I set me off in the end. I created drama in my head. Then I get a text from my coordinator at work asking if I was coming in. I didn’t have a day shift after all but a morning one. So I was an hour late to work.

While at the gym, I was also fuming because of that they/them woman I share an office space with. On Wednesday, she waited at the front reception for me to walk in so that she could be passive-aggressive about me moving a lamp to a different room. She is the daughter of someone that was recently the second-highest-ranking person in the organization. I’m starting to see that she thinks that she is a princess who we all need to revolve around. Virginia pulled her aside to call her out. She was onboarded the same day I was. She and I both have been hating the vibes as of late.

My coordinator was down in the dumps yesterday. I don’t want to read too much into it. His boss’s boss made a cameo and then put a lot of pressure on him. I think that’s what it was. I have been managing him, to be honest. I’m an empath, I forget about it sometimes because I can turn it off at will. Yesterday, I couldn’t. Today I am going to talk to him. I can step up and go even more above and beyond. He just needs to delegate. He is in a new role himself.

Today had all of the ingredients for a good day cake as well. I forgot to sugarcoat everything wth toxic positivity. It tastes bitter and it isn’t even 8 AM. My roommate triggered me. Or it is all in my head. I can’t trust my thoughts anymore. My therapist made me self-conscious about my internal dramas and upsets. Is what you’re experiencing self-validating or is it proportional to reality. He said, something to that effect. It’s the same old same old with my roommate. She’s has useless cows disease.

She just joined a dating site. Then deleted it the moment she started texting some guy. He’s our level she said to me. A statement that haunts me. He will be another man that she will sleep with that will refuse to date her. No self-respecting man would ever take her seriously. She has absolutely nothing at all to offer. She is a 40-year-old teenager for frig’s sake. That’s her future problem. I’m not helping her pick up the pieces if she falls apart again.

I didn’t get the workout I wanted yesterday. I aimed for it today but some guy kept talking to me and to everybody. He was trying to be helpful and give advice, I suppose. He was spotting for people who didn’t ask for it. They were also annoyed. It’s not even 6 AM, nobody has their social settings on. I put on my podcast so I could get lost in it. The whole world disappears. Leave me alone. I know my form needs work, so I should be grateful. Maybe next time if I am in a better mood I’ll be more receptive.

So I’m banging out an entry instead of showering. I need to air myself out before I go to work. Choose peace. Choose peace. Choose peace. I have to tell myself. Lateral Kindness as they would say at work. I always choose to be kind. Call me sexist but it’s like being mean to a child whenever I give sass back to a woman. In my mind. I feel so dirty afterward. Verbal abuse is their game. Passive aggressive manipulation… I am an expert. A mental terrorist. I don’t want to be that guy anymore.

I went for a walk with Alex and Bruce last night. Alex used to work for my organization. She didn’t try to influence my opinion of anyone or anything but she is right there with me whenever I complain about anything, especially with that little princess. I don’t need beef with a 21-year-old.

Princess’s mother, who used to be at the top of the organization, created a new program for herself. She came and asked my coordinator to ask him to fund it. We have an expense surplus that we have been struggling to spend. This is what her job used to be. Getting funding. I don’t want him to be taken advantage of today so I am hoping he lets me sit in with him when they talk about it. He’s very passive.

Anyway, I do have time for a shower so I shall get on with it then.