On Becoming Christian in Journal

I was presented with, I think, the opportunity to confront a challenge of Fright. I did not want to confront it. I felt that I would not adequately, in that moment, withstand the temptation to focus on some antagonistic being who would thereby blot out my focus and awareness of the Christ. I think it was the correct choice. Not only because as I sank further, I comprehended more fully the vastness and all-encompassing nature of Christ, and of God the Father, but also the futile and petty tricks played by the enemy. Because, in relation to God, the enemy is small, petty, powerless, illusory, and a liar relying on humanity’s weaknesses to penetrate into, and always ratchet up the influence over, people’s minds. And so we should be, as Spiritually informed people and aware of the Christ being, always focused on that which is represented by the Christ in earthly terms; abundance; love; devotion, faithfulness.
Stefan should really be a Saint. Because he has brought out, rationally, that which the church has heretofore completely failed to bring to the people. Stefan brought out clear, concise, reasoned, rational impulses to be faithful; to be good; to have devotion; to embody and exclusively focus on those Universal characteristics of Christ. It is hard to believe, for me, that Stef has never experienced Christ. Perhaps that is simply a matter of his own constitution. Stefan taught me how to identify evil. The church never did. In fact there seems to be a concentrated effort on the part of many churches to obfuscate evil.

I do very much see a confirmation bias within this framing, in that, the frame set forth makes an ultimate virtue of the choice I made and necessarily relegates the alternative to the “wrong” decision. And I’m not so sure I want to accept this idea without a thorough test against it.
So. The other side would be; a test of fright would confirm or deny my conviction in the above; that Christ is with God and Christ is in me so my fear is a testament to my willingness to focus on the petty, the illusory, the false, the banal, the inversion of God’s intent. If I regard this and am filled with Christ’s love and compassion even for the devilish foolishness of futile and petty and selfish punishing antics of those beings; even those that would cause parents to harm their children and thereby impair the child’s freedom to perceive Christ.
I feel a certain sense of need for Justice. For Righteousness to come through to condemn that evil which necessarily impairs innocents from ascending to the Universal heaven that is the right of every human being to choose for themselves in freedom. I feel also, the great Hope for each human being though caught and steeped in the evil of hindering and hampering other innocent human beings. No human being is above another; and so Christ wishes to save them all. All who will be saved. And perhaps it is those innocent’s karma to receive such: and remain or turn to Christ through their own striving.
Certainly, we are not constituted as human beings to address abstract ‘evil’ within humanity; but to define evil within our own relationships, and choose within our freedom and understanding and prompting of Christ, our course of action.
Wouldn’t it be, then, that I should thank my mother and father for the part that they played, however unconsciously, in providing me karmic repayment? Would it be that I should honor them outwardly, worldly? Or, that I would honor them Spiritually; practice intercession for them in Christ; pray, and move my own spirit in response to their contribution to my development.
Honor thy mother and thy father; is it not as Stefan says? That parents have complete control over the relationship with their children. Honor their authority. But God did not say, give up all Free Will to thy mother and thy father. He said Honor. I Honor my parents completely by accepting their choice in how to mould and create a relationship to me. I do not try to change it. I respect it totally. I don’t lie about it, nor obfuscate it, hide it, or do anything to dishonor it.
Maybe I am backwards to everyone else and they are far more spiritually advanced than I; and I struggle to see or comprehend how an earthly show of devotion to my parents is Honor. I rather honor their choice; their Free Will! And so I also honor my own Free Will. Which is exactly that capacity which the Christ used to make himself known to me. It was through my own development and highest respect for MINE and others’ Free Will that Christ found his entrance to my awareness. AND, if I had obfuscated, lied, or was otherwise false in my testimony regarding my parents, then I could no more find love or truth for my own choices! The way to Free Choice would be blocked (and it was) just as surely as my striving to create a false reality brought before my Spirit and Soul a regard for Illusion. That same choice to focus on what is True, whatever the consequence, is the self same focus that Freedom to be aware of the Christ is founded.