October 4 - Today's Question on Receiving in These Foolish Things

What patterns do I notice in relationships where I over-give or reject support?

I don’t think I do either of these anymore. I do know that when I have over-given in past relationships, I was completely taken advantage of. I believe that over-giving is an invitation for others to use and abuse that kindness and naivete, and it makes me so freaking angry when I see it happen to others.

One huge example of over-giving was my relationship with someone I used to call LDL (Long Distance Love). I can’t remember what I called him before he moved away, but it was a relationship I had all through my 30s, and it was a relationship that lasted far, far too long. I was 29 when we met, and I was terribly naive and in awe of this man. It was an extremely emotionally abusive relationship as he took advantage of my support every step of the way. By the end, I was paying this guy’s BILLS, feeding his broke ass, and allowing him to isolate me from all my friends and family! He was my addiction that I just couldn’t quit, so I physically had to move him away to live with his mother after I refused to let him live with me. WOW, when I look back at all the awful, grotesque things he did to me… shudder AND, even after I drove him over a thousand miles away, I still couldn’t break the spell and found myself actually flying out to visit him from time to time!

Finally, FINALLY, after nearly TEN YEARS of this shit, I figured out what boundaries were. I don’t think I ever had to set boundaries before, and it took me that long to understand that I was only hurting myself (even though the man cried and cried all the time, trying to trick me into feeling bad about myself).

What a life lesson!

As far as rejecting support, I don’t think I reject support anymore either. Having several years of medical issues and complications has opened my eyes to the generosity of others. I’m no longer embarrassed to accept help. And I also know how good it makes me feel when I offer and give healthy support without being taken advantage of.

Whew! These questions are so GOOD!