I Hates It So in 2024

Im sitting here watching Ghost Hunters.
I remember when this show first came on. My ex-husband and I were living in a suburb outside of Houston in a house we couldnt afford but he just had to have. Hell, we were living there for almost two months before we could get the gas turned on.
Cold showers for two months! Thank goodness we were down south.
He came home from a couple weeks on the road and told me about this cool show that he found. Funny enough, there was a Ghost Hunters marathon on that weekend.
Huh, odd memory.
Watching this show really makes me miss ghost hunting. I mean, we never went anywhere because our house at the time was SUPER haunted. In hindsight, that could have been our fault.

Dana made it to Indiana safely. I asked him how his room was and he answered “meh.”
- Me: Meh? Meh bad or just Meh unremarkable?
- Him: Just meh. Im only staying here for a week anyway, so this will do.
- Me: Yeah? Find a better deal? Where ya going?
- Him: To the same place I stayed when I was up here before; with the widow.
- Me: Seriously?!
- Him: What? Its $400 a week here and on $600 a month there. She only lives and hour and a half from the job site.

I HATE THIS!
He met this woman in a bar they frequented when he was in Ohio. Her husband passed a while ago and she was renting rooms to make extra money. Did I write about this last year? I dont remember.
So this woman, I think her name was Debbie (Deb) if I remember correctly, is in her late 60s, early 70s and supposedly has a boyfriend (didnt stop her from getting with Danas welder). It seems she is a bit of a party girl and has her little posse of girls that hang around. They range in age.
I dont think he would cheat on me with any of them. I trust him when he says he loves me and Im enough ( heaven help me). Its them that I dont trust. I know how women are around Dana. He might not see it but I do and they know exactly what they are doing.
One of the women has a daughter that just had a baby. Yeeeeeah, Ive been burned by that before.
A one night stay turns into a month cause that co-workers house was closer and ‘trust me I never even see his pregnant daughter’ to ‘oh shes having a really hard time with her dad and Im just being supportive’ to finding a Christmas card on his desk addressed to both of us with a photo inside of my husband holding her baby.
No thank you.

I know these are my issues and I shouldnt be projecting them onto Dana, but sonofadamnbitch, its hard not to.
I know hes doing it to save money but I hate it SO, SO much and he knows this. We have talked about it before.
If I visit, will I be allowed to stay there or would we have to get a hotel room?

Im trying with everything I have to just stay positive about it (again). Trying to tell myself that it is just an innocent living arrangement. One person helping another person out. Not some person helping herself to my man. I cant go through that (again).
Yes, i know, if something happens he has to LET it happen.

My brain is just messed up, yall.
I have trust issues and that is something I am trying to work on. Thats why im writing it out here instead of going psycho on Dana for (hopefully) nothing.
He told me once, “you either trust me or you dont.”
I do.
I trust him.
I have to; i love him.

I miss the Nin that wasnt suspicious.
The Nin that trusted people.
The Nin that could just enjoy a relationship instead of worrying all the time.
That girl was shattered a long time ago.

Sigh.
Hopefully writing it out will help my brain.
Hopefully.

I have to get to bed. We did some good work today. I really need to do a work entry.
Good work.