What Am I Doing?! in These Foolish Things

I haven’t felt like there has been much going on with me, so I haven’t written.

And now, it seems like EVERYTHING is going on!

You know how I’ve been saying that I feel a little weird about working from home, but I’ve started loving it?

Yeah, maybe I’ve been loving it a bit too much. I sometimes feel like I’ve gotten very comfortable with the fact that I can slip away for a while and get my workout in a little later and take my time in the mornings. And I start cooking my dinner well before 5pm so that it will be ready to eat when I shut down my work.

And other things. I am easily distracted at home and a lot less so at an office.

So while I’m putting in the work for the most part, it just feels slow and not sustainable. This tiny company has no idea what they are doing. Especially now that they let Inbox Nazi (my old boss) go.

There’s no structure and my colleagues are inexperienced and pretty immature from a business standpoint.

It’s weird. It doesn’t feel right. And as much as I love having next to ZERO stress…not having stress actually stresses me out!!!

Is that messed up or what?!

I feel like God or the Universe has put me in this position for the time being so that I can get through some things. Things like being able to go away and work from an Airbnb with my dad in a couple of weeks to get him to and from his medical treatments, and to treat myself to a wellness retreat, and to have my lesbian crush come over for a day here and there to work remotely together (she’s going to come here on Friday)!

But lately I’ve been nervous since I know this is not sustainable, so somehow…somehow the universe has felt those vibes and has tossed a couple of opportunities my way, and now…NOW I have been hearing from new companies and talking on the phone with folks and have lined up an early morning interview with a company on Friday (before LC comes over), and another company wants to talk more as well!

Both of these recent potential companies would be risks, but I feel like I’m in a riskier position if I don’t at least talk to these guys.

BUT to add to this confusion, today I got a text from Kitty Cat, the CEO of my current company, and she wanted to call a last-second meeting. I of course said yes, and for a moment I thought she might be firing me or calling me with an issue that Head Cat is having with my lack of urgency or something.

She really just wanted to run something by me and get some things off her chest. The poor woman was feeling stressed and pressured about something and I actually talked her off the ledge and we worked through a temporary solution that she and I are going to fix together and all felt really good.

And after we got off our Zoom call, she sent me a text, thanking me profusely, saying “What would I do without you? THANK YOU!!”

And now I feel like a shithead for going on interviews and to networking events. Like I’m cheating or something.

But damn. What am I supposed to do? There doesn’t feel like any stability with this company, they don’t pay me market value (I make $30K less than at The Cutie Pie Company, but I shouldn’t compare since that is $30K well spent), there are NO bonuses or 401K plan, the medical insurance SUCKS and costs me thousands upon thousands more (thanks, cancer and aging), and I have to use all of my own equipment to do the job.

So, am I the asshole?

I also hate the fact that I should be thinking about retirement in my future, and all I see is clamoring for stability over the next 10 years. Think about THIS: I will be 67 in 10 years and one month!!!

Holy fucking shit, man.

xo,
GS