Ugh in 2020s

Written yesterday:

I have so much to say and so much on my mind, but I don’t know where to start. I’ll start by saying that I took Zyrtec last night, remembering how it helped me sleep longer, and it worked. I slept for 9 hours but woke up groggy. In the past, 9 hours of sleep would have revived me, but not this time. You just can’t pay off a week’s worth of sleep debt in one night, I guess, especially when you’re older.

Every fucking time I seem to be on a roll and getting better, something happens to knock me off my game. It’s great that I didn’t have any lung tightness today, but my nose is still a little stuffy, and my stress is through the roof. I have virtually no energy, but most of the time I don’t have much anyway. It’s definitely been worse with this illness, and I’m still not sure what happened. The only thing I’m sure of is that I likely got nasal tissue damage from too many years of the Nasacort. But my nose is still stuffy at times, which makes me question the environment unless it just hasn’t had long enough to heal. But what caused the lung tightness? That’s what I’m not sure of at this point. The spray? I’m starting to wonder if the nasal spray could have been connected to that as well because I just don’t get that type of feeling for that long from the Levo. Also, there’s the fact that I didn’t have a racing heart, so maybe my TSH didn’t get too low despite the effortless weight loss, feeling warm, insomnia, and anxiety. Even the anxiety was a little different, so maybe that was just me being overly stressed, although I’m not sure about that because I’m still pretty stressed, yet I don’t feel anxious per se.

I swear it’s like something up there is throwing multiple problems at me at once just to confuse and mind-fuck me so I can’t figure out for sure what’s what. Every time I think I’m better, I start relapsing.

Getting Hashimoto’s has really made my life hell. To get a disease that requires medication you’re so sensitive to is beyond frustrating! If only I could test my TSH as easily as I can test my glucose. That would really help me get a better understanding of what’s going on and allow me to ward off any potential trouble from the drug before it starts. I wouldn’t suffer nearly as much if my TSH didn’t get too low in the first place. As I said, this disease has really made my life a million times harder. Without it, I likely wouldn’t have gained weight and therefore developed high blood pressure. Even my A1C would be better.