Scared in 2020s

Written last night:

It’s late Sunday night, and I have a lot to write about. I better get started before I fall behind and forget things. I’m not posting this tonight, though. My sleep has been awful again. I had a bit more energy than I did when I was feeling that Zyrtec hangover, but after just an hour of sleep, I woke up because the internet cut out, taking my nature sounds with it. It took me another hour to fall back asleep. As much as I love my waterbed, I just couldn’t get comfortable. When I finally did nod off again, I started snoring and feeling like I was suffocating. I’m really worried that I’m not going to get these sleep issues resolved!

I’m still unsure if my levothyroxine had anything to do with all this, though some symptoms suggest it did. I’m also concerned that my nose isn’t just suffering from tissue damage due to the nasal sprays, but that I’m dealing with more allergies too. First, we’ve got to survive Hurricane Milton, and then we’ll definitely look into getting a mouthguard for sleep apnea. At least I haven’t had lung tightness for a couple of days. I’m still not sure what caused that either. Could’ve been the spray. All I know is I’m tired of being unhealthy, constantly having issues, and always being exhausted because of my sleep problems.

My TMJ is flaring up a bit tonight, so I’ll probably take some ibuprofen before bed. That sometimes helps me sleep better. I’m also wearing a nose strip as the dilator doesn’t seem to open my nose enough these days. Not the right size. It was pretty cool when I asked AI when my nasal tissues should be healed, and it said that since it’s been about ten days, I should see improvement by October 20th.

We’ve also been toying with the idea of selling the place, getting an RV, and moving out to the desert. Of course, we’d have to get a gas car. We could put in a septic, install solar panels for electricity and eventually get a cabin kit or a used manufactured home. Manufactured homes are fine if you’re isolated, but in communities, they’re terrible because noise travels through them so easily. Another option is to fly out there, buy an RV, and avoid being on the road for too long—especially since I can’t always sleep at night and would feel every move Tom makes in the RV. RV parks aren’t exactly peaceful either.

We couldn’t afford to be too close to Becky in New Mexico, but we’ve been looking at other areas. There’s always Nevada and California to consider too. The idea excites my adventurous side and appeals to me for so many reasons, but I do have qualms—mostly about how I’d handle such a transition when I’m tired so much of the time. I’m hoping to get adjusted to some kind of sleep apnea device, like a CPAP, if I can’t get a mouthguard. Maybe then I’ll have more energy. Even with that, the move would still be hard, but maybe not as bad. When we moved to Oregon from Arizona, I was young and healthy, and it was still a tough move. So hopefully I can resolve my sleep and energy issues before, and if, we do move.

I’m getting tired, so I’ll list the pros and cons of what we’re thinking another time. Things are easier and cheaper now than they were in 1999. Back then, we didn’t have the options we do today when we bought our 10-acre parcel in Arizona. Now, we could get solar panels and wouldn’t have to worry about things like the internet. Plus, Tom doesn’t have to commute to work regularly. I’m not sure how I’d feel about being an hour away from doctors and hospitals, but this idea appeals to me for other reasons. I’ll go through them later.

For now, the last I heard, the storm was expected to hit just below Sarasota. It’s really important it stays south of Tampa Bay because if it doesn’t, we could be in big trouble. This storm is way stronger than Helene. We found that we could afford an extended-stay hotel indefinitely if we lost the house, but that’s far from what we want. All I want is to start sleeping normally again—or at least what’s normal for me.

We’ve got groceries coming in the morning, mostly non-perishable food since, even if the house isn’t damaged, we’ll almost certainly lose power for a while.

Written this morning:

Okay, I finally have an update that’s not as gloomy as my last few entries. I’m feeling and sleeping a little better, although not as much as I’d like. I guess when you take it as easy as I have over the last few days, you don’t sleep as long. My nose and lungs are better, but I’m still exhausted.

It looks like we’re not going to get any significant damage or high winds from Hurricane Milton, but I do worry about how long we’ll be without power. There are shelters we could go to, but I’m more worried about dealing with the heat and humidity, even though it’s a bit cooler now. I’d also hate to lose everything in the fridge and freezer.

Oh, fuck. Tom just told me the hurricane track shifted back up from Sarasota to St. Pete. That’s very worrisome. This storm has been a real wake-up call for me—it’s time to finally deal with this damn sleep apnea and start planning to get out of Florida. Climate change is just going to make these storms more frequent, and eventually, they’ll hit too close for comfort. These storms used to be occasional, but now they’re happening multiple times a year. I can’t imagine how my parents would feel if they were still alive.

We’re looking at different options in various states. There’s some dirt-cheap land in New Mexico that’s tempting because it’s more isolated than our place in Maricopa was. It would definitely be peaceful—unless we get hit with a lot of sonic booms. We’d deal with the monsoon season again. I remember waking up a few times in Arizona during storms, though nothing too extreme. I was a lot younger and healthier then, too.

I would love the peace, quiet, freedom, and safety from natural disasters, plus it would be cheaper in the long run. The only downside would be how far we’d be from civilization—no quick runs to the store, no food or package deliveries. We’d also have to go back to having a gas car.

It’s funny because I thought once Tom retired, we’d have the security of knowing we had a roof over our heads for life. But this storm is a reminder that anyone can lose their home for any reason at any time. I don’t think we will, but if we lost this house, it would be the second home lost in a 4 year—although for very different reasons. I can’t wait for 2024 to be over!

My dreams have been weird lately. I had one where a part of one of my lower incisors chipped off, and I was trying to figure out which tooth it was. The only other dream I remember is a classic one: missing purse.

It’s almost funny hearing Kathy, who’s about to turn 42, say she wishes she were 28 again. Things definitely change between those ages, but that’s just the beginning. Wait until she’s comparing 42 to 58!

Ugh, the fucking hurricane looks like it’s aiming for Tampa. That’s way too close! I’m getting scared like. Really getting scared. I think we’re gonna have to evacuate after all. We got the alerts on the phone, and a lot of people are already clearing out.