Aw Hell No in 2024

I.
Almost.
Died.
Coming back from the laundry room just now, I almost stepped on a fully stretched out snake.
It’s dusk, why is a snake out?!
No, before I’m asked, I don’t know what kind of snake it was. Nor do I care.
It was about three feet long, snakey, had its head raised, and scared the crap out of me.
I’m just glad I wore shoes. I usually don’t wear shoes since the laundry room is just across the sidewalk from my apartment.
“Aw he’ll naw,” I said out loud. I didn’t care who heard me.
I stood there looking at it thinking it was a Halloween decoration and someone was playing a prank. If that was the case, then good on them. They got me.
But, it wasn’t, I could see its snaky little bug eyes watching me.
I walked, against the opposite building, three apartments down, THEN crossed the sidewalk back to my side.
All while carrying my clean laundry, curling my toes inside my sandals, and pretty much tippy toe running
Ain’t no snake getting me or my little piggies.
Na uh. No sir.
Did people see the strange lady outside doing a bad impression of the Ed Grimley dance?
Don’t know, don’t care.
Let me be an example.
STOP!
DANGER!
DEATH!!
DESTRUCTION!!
RAISE THE GATES!!
BOIL THE OIL!!
THAR BE A SNAKE OUT AND ABOUT!!!

Damn snakes.
Go do snakey things elsewhere. Away from me.