What The Actual in 2024

I. Am. Not. Crazy.
Yall, I swear I’m not crazy! I don’t know what is going on or why but it’s real.
I was doing dishes when I got home and noticed one of my chef knives was missing.
That’s odd, I thought.
Maybe I over looked it on the counter.
Nope.
Did I open the FedEx box with it this morning and leave it on the table?
Nope. I don’t leave knives or breakable things on the table. Albie likes to knock things off and that is the LAST thing I need River to find.
But maybe, just maybe I DID leave it on the table, Albie knocked it off and it went under the radiator.
Nope.
Did I use it to open a dog food bag last night and left it in the cabinet? In the dog food bag?
Nope.
I texted Dana to see if maybe he grabbed it to use on his lunch. I mean, if he did it’s no big, I just want to know where it is.
Nada.
I looked under the bed, in the bathroom, under the stove, refrigerator, and microwave. I looked in the FedEx box like four times.
What. The. Fuck.
That bitch is not in this apartment.
Why?? Why my knife? Is there a murder being planned and they are setting me up? Haha, yeah I’m not THAT paranoid but still…..’tis odd.
I haven’t unpacked our new knives yet.
I don’t know if I want to.
What a my nice, ceramic knives start coming up missing?

When I was growing up, my mom would buy sets of dishes, towels, glasses, etc that we never unpacked. I asked her why once and she told me they were things she was going to use in her nice house one day.

Please, dear lawd, don’t let me be like that.
I want to use my new knives!!