Anger in 2020s

I’m looking forward to trying the AI they’re going to add to Alexa once it’s available.

Today, we’re going to remove the ugly black MLV from the exterior wall in the bedroom. Soundproofing is pointless unless you do 100% of the room with professional-grade materials, and we don’t have the money for that right now. The question is whether or not it’s worth saving up for. The honker’s return will help me decide that.

We went to the pool yesterday at about 9:30, and the water was surprisingly chilly. We saw bubbles coming up from something at the bottom of the pool every few feet. I’m guessing it was something to cool the water. I get that this is Florida, but come on. Pools shouldn’t be chilly. It’s probably warmer in the afternoon, so we’ll go down there (not today since they’re barbecuing), but probably tomorrow after he donates.

Coincidentally, the weather has been drier as I get onto days. I knew it would be. At least we’ve only got about a month left of storm season, even if it means trading it in for the snowbirds. I hate the snowbirds, but they’re less of a threat to my sleep than the storms. I also like it better when the mowers drop down to every other week.

Toni will be back in a week. I don’t think the party girl has been here for a while either. I haven’t seen or heard her or her husband.

Little by little, I’ve been revising my bio, as I might have mentioned before. Most of it was written in 2002, and there are hundreds of pages to go through. Let’s just say it’s brought back some very unpleasant memories—things I’d forgotten about, like when I was in the state hospital in Northampton, Dotty, Vermont, Valleyhead, the way my mother gambled with my life due to her selfishness, and her lack of compassion when I starved myself at the beach, etc. So many times in life, a part of me was sorry I didn’t die that day or when I threw myself out the window nearly a decade later. Regardless, I’m glad I wrote all this when I was still young because one’s memory isn’t what it used to be at my age, and I wouldn’t be able to remember a lot of it if I were just starting to write it now.

I felt so much anger reading back on things I went through that at one point I thought to myself, if there is such a thing as an afterlife, I would want to slowly torture the shit out of all those who really screwed me over. It wouldn’t be about closure or therapy—it would be pure revenge.

This has reinforced the fact that it’s important not to reach out to those who don’t reach out to me and to avoid toxic people at all costs. Anyone who’s ever displayed any kind of vengefulness, or who is overly emotional, sensitive, hypocritical, judgmental, paranoid, controlling, accusatory, defensive, dramatic, or dishonest should be kept at a distance. “Third-party” people can stay out of my life as well—those who go to others with our problems. I understand the need for an unbiased opinion at times, but there are times to involve others, and there are times to keep it between you and the person or people involved.
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