32w3d in The REAL Baby Journey!

I may be one of the few pregnant ladies to say this but I truly hope I stay pregnant for the entire time. It isn’t that it’s comfortable or light or easy all the time - it’s that it feels like it’s full of such purpose.

I feel like I’m doing such a vital job, that growing and nurturing this little soul gives a meaning to a life that never felt meaningless but certainly a bit selfish and self involved sometimes. I am not at all saying those who don’t have children don’t live meaningful lives - I’m just saying how this experience has felt for me.

I pined for this baby for so long. I wanted so badly to be able to get pregnant and be pregnant and stay pregnant…and now here I am, at 32 weeks along, and every day is a step closer to a boring, routine, healthy, average, uncomplicated delivery of a full term baby. I’m doing it. My body is doing it. It’s incredible. And the closer I get, the more I want it. The more I want to be big and uncomfortable, the more I want to feel the discomfort of the end of pregnancy because it means there’s a fully grown little person in there and the more I want to release myself from the guilt and stress that has hung around this pregnancy with every doctor appt that doesn’t go quite right and every update that says we’re still ‘touch and go’. I want to prove my own doubt wrong and have a new faith in my body that is growing every day but isn’t quite there yet.

It doesn’t hurt that people are simply nicer to you when you’re pregnant. They hold doors, they smile warmly at you, they comment on your glow and how beautiful you look - even if you know they’re being kind to a woman who can’t see her toes and hasn’t slept a full night in many months. It’s the thought and the kindness behind it that makes it meaningful and I try to focus on those sweet words rather than the clueless and hurtful things people say just as freely. I won’t focus on those because they make me frustrated and sad so I instead genuinely thank the kind strangers and wonderful friends & family who build me up with the support and warm fuzzies.

The more pregnant I get the more I also appreciate the shift in perspective. I have had to slow down, as I’ve written about before, and that shift has been a welcome opportunity to notice the world around me a little more, smile at the moms pushing strollers full of little people they too created and revel in a little time spent sitting on a park bench instead of running through trying to set a personal record and push a pace. I do miss running and volleyball and bending over without having to grunt but I will miss this too, I’m sure of it. There’s a strange sort of freedom in later pregnancy where most people just want me to relax, rest, sit down, let them do it for me, put my feet up, here let me help you. I’m a stubborn, independent lady so I often laugh it off and push them away but sometimes it just feels nice to be taken care of. We don’t do that enough for one another, pregnant or not, and while I’d be pregnant happily without this added bonus, it is a sweet gesture when it happens.

We put together more of our nursery this weekend - even putting together the crib and putting the bedding on it!! - and Rob is working on painting the dresser/changing table. Up next he’ll put together the glider and we’ll put the tiny clothes away in the dresser and I’ll have my last two showers. I’m excited to see more friends and family and celebrate this little one with them. It’s cliche but oh is this tiny person already surrounded by so much love. It’s such a blessing to feel that - it’s like the rush that comes during your wedding when you just know you need to soak up an entire room of people wishing you well and being genuinely happy for you.

This evening we’re off to the hospital birthing center for a tour and then on Tuesday we have our last Labor and Delivery class…after that, it’s those two showers next weekend and putting together the last parts of the nursery and we’re pretty much set. November can pass slowly and then even most of December is welcome to tick away without any signs of the baby but we’ll see. I’d love for that to happen but who knows if it’s a possibility. We have an ultrasound on Tuesday to check in there and make sure it’s growing and developing as we’re hoping. I will be sure to update after that.

Hope the weather is beautiful where you are…it’s been a stunning autumn here and I’ve been trying to soak it up as much as possible! Happy Halloween week, everyone! :)

Last updated October 26, 2014