Embracing A Familiar Unknown in Elephant Architecture

I have, of late, forfeited my job. I say “forfeit”, because I found myself fighting for something I didn’t want. I enjoyed working with the patients, but it had been becoming painfully clear that the ogres, and goblins (AKA state employees) were winning. “Stately, plump Buck Mulligan…” echoes through my consciousness: the beginning line of Ulysses by James Joyce. About 8 months into my work there, it was becoming painfully clear that the “care” portion of “patient care” was not anywhere in the unofficial decree the workers live by. And around the time Walt passed away, we never really recovered. I waited 8 months in hopes things would get back to some functional level. Creating a therapeutic environment was in the actual job description, but I always seemed to be reprimanded for enacting the “care” portion of patient care. It’s Us vs. Them was how the core employees based their lives. The Employees vs. The Patients.

By the time I was taking Anatomy & Physiology, my health seemed to be deteriorating at an alarming rate. Working the graveyard shift was the only way to make the money worth it, and getting good sleep was becoming impossible. Even when I slept 5-7 hours during the morning, I woke up more exhausted than when I fell asleep. My health is a big deciding factor on the dogma I base my life, and decisions. That’s where I draw the line. And during A&P, I chose my health, and my grades. I began calling out days before my tests, and focusing on my studies. I can always find a new Hospital to work at (after I finish the RN program), but I cannot get a new body, and mind. They did end up terminating my employment, and I could have gone to the meeting, and probably convinced them that I was an asset they needed, or I could have appealed, but I just didn’t. I literally make more money serving tables at restaurants around here, and I am happier (for the most part), can have a social life, and sleep at night. I am sure I can re-apply as a Nurse, and the money would actually be worth the bureaucratic grind. Saying goodby to the patients has been the hardest part, and the few employees I ended up creating a good work family with.

I am still serving at the Hibachi joint, and it feels good. I will be looking for one more job, and I’ll probably go knock on the back door of the upscale joint I cooked for before. I went back a long way with the Head Chef there. For now, I am ready to just stretch out, and do me for a while. I just did 15 months of classes with limited breaks between them. Plus, the Hospital will be sending me my retirement, and accrued vacation, and annual time they were hoarding of mine.

PS

I literally feel thinner already. I feel like I’ve removed a tumor in my visceral tissue. My appetite feels healthier, and my digestive system seems to be working much better. I am a firm believer in environments and health. Toxic work environments affects one’s limbic system, and physiology more than it’s given credit for.

Last updated August 19, 2024