Hello Darkness My Old Friend. in Current Events

My therapist paralleled my previous entry. We discussed a lot of what I mentioned without me having to bring it up. I wanted to talk about my anger issues. My anxiety and depression have been absent for over a month. What is left is anger. I had to learn anger management when I was eight. This is when I learned that my emotions are not safe. We used my roommate as an example for his exercise. Long story short, what you resist persists. I have to create space for my emotions. Also, I choose anger instead of peace. I have to value peace more than anger.

When we talked about my anger, we deduced that it is me thinking that everybody is out to get me. That is a habit that I need to let go of.

I knew when the session was over before he said anything. I felt the therapist mode turn off. He then started to pick my brain. He wanted to wrap his head around my relationship with identity. He is also multiracial and he doesn’t know where he fits in. Identities are not real, I can participate in them but I don’t belong to them. I belong to God and the truth.

I had only streamed my sessions with him. I hadn’t seen him in person before yesterday. Hello thunder thighs <3 we set some goals for myself so that we can measure my progress, so to speak. It has to do with me creating content for my socials. Wonk wonk. I’ll have to get on that then. It has been so hard to connect with my passions as of late. My anxiety and depression were my connection.

I spent the night at my sister’s so that we could go to the beach with her kids today. The kids watched their movie downstairs and we watched The Witches of Eastwick. It was a garbage film. Values have been degrading since 1987? A lot longer than that, I’m sure. I’m just aware of it now.

It was a good run but my depression resurfaced today. It was hard to enjoy myself at the beach with my niece and nephew. It didn’t come out of nowhere. I know what I need to do. I am avoiding my agenda/budget book. I have been suppressing the stress. Once I face the music, I will be fine. I need to get my head out of the sand. I just got home and I am going to eat and then force myself to get to it. I don’t want to ruminate. That doesn’t serve me anymore. I already know that I will feel in control and on top once I lay everything out for myself. I also need to give myself some grace for I am in a vulnerable position. I’m in the middle of trying to get hired somewhere that is going to pay a lot more than what I am making and will be a far more rewarding job.

Not to invest too much energy into having hope but Pluto is about to retrograde back into Capricorn and then it is the end of the heavy sixteen-year karmic cycle for Cardinal signs. Our villain era can begin. Getting that new job is exactly the vibe for this transit.