About Sex in A transparent lockbox

After evaluating who I’ve been, who I hope to be, and what I desire, I’ve realized I’m a prude. I think I’m actually quite a sex-negative person. First of all, I find my experiences to have been boring despite being objectively enjoyable. I do not want to be viewed as a sexual being, and I would be really uncomfortable with being known for who I am sexually. There is no place in me that is viciously judging people who enjoy sex or slut-shaming anyone, but I find I’m personally so modest. I used to sext a lot, swap nudes with people, and tease them, but there is this horrifying aspect of reputation that comes along with sex. I have no desire to know about others’ sex lives, and I don’t want anyone to know about mine. There is something about it that feels sacred to me. Stories go around in small towns about all the people who have sex with each other, what people are like and what they do in bed, and there are titles that are placed upon people unwillingly. I’m a firm believer in keeping intimate things between the parties involved. Some people wear their sexual roster like jewelry, showing off to anyone who will listen. There’s this culture of evaluating people based on what they will do sexually. Every time I hear the phrase “put out,” I want to fucking vomit. Like when people say someone didn’t put out after a date, or didn’t put out enough in a relationship. It makes it all seem so transactional. To be fair, though, I tend to stray from most forms of pride, but especially sexual pride. Why does who you can “bag” or what you can do satisfy you so much? What happened to sensuality? And when I do find interest in people, I don’t wanna hear who they have been with or their past experiences because those don’t affect me. I am here to make my own experiences with that person, and the past doesn’t really alter that. Sex has always just been such an insignificant part of my life. Truthfully, if I ever get into a marriage, it’ll probably be a sexless one. I just find myself so eternally turned off by the ways I’ve witnessed sex expressed and framed throughout my life. Nonconsensual sex tapes, bragging about who you’ve been with, whose virginity you took, and the blatant objectifying of people. Using and being used, and what may follow you from it.