Butterflies in Current Events

I’m not sure what I was expecting with this car purchase. I felt let down for no reason last night. Just a scosh and for no reason. Somewhere in my psyche, I must have given it the script that it was going to fix all of my problems overnight. I took some THC oil before bed and then laughed until my eyes dried up from crying while watching scare pranks. I felt better after that.

I had an anxiety attack while I was at the gym this morning. I’m still in shock over that massive purchase I just made, so it adds up. I don’t let it stop me from doing anything so I pushed through it. Even though I felt like I wanted to throw up. Excitement and worry are the same physical experience, the rest is mental. My ADHD brain is trying to calculate every single thing that can go wrong and I didn’t let it stress me out. Lick my mons pubis ho I say to it.

I got to spread my wings today, so to speak. I went to every shop after my gym session. Even though I am concerned about money I spent $65 on two plants. I scored a black raven ZZ plant! Then just a prayer plant.

Every fibre of my being wants me to curl up in bed for a few hours. I haven’t done that since my mood disorders took a step back. It’s been a month without them now. They got tired of me telling them that they were just thoughts and gave up. I’m not counting the melancholy I experienced after my mother told me about her diagnosis and I am not counting today’s anxiety attack because those had valid triggers.

Anyway, I shall listen to my body and rest up. I would do a detox bath first but I don’t know if my roommate is home or not. She said she was gone for the day but I can that her bike is here and the lunch she made herself is here as well. Blah. I’ll spend some time planning my next steps after that. I quit alcohol, I could use a glass of wine right now. I would like a glass I should say. Maybe I’ll grab some. I’ll probably bring some to the camping trip next weekend.