Checking in!! in Since OD is shutting down....

***So I went and got him from the hospital late Thursday night. He spent the night and then I took him home yesterday morning. He wanted to shower and what not. I worked some and then right after I got home, he called and I asked for him to come over. My daughter was picked up by the girlfriend right after school so him and I went outside. It was truly a great time and I can’t stop thinking about him. I admitted last night that I loved him and he was happy about hearing that but kept saying how I don’t know him.

There’s a lot of barriers in this but I don’t care. This man has treated me like an equal, my feelings matter and is very caring, sweet, loving, and vulnerable with me. The rest of the time, he’s very loud, obnoxious, bossy, and a hard ass at work. With me, it’s totally different. He told me last night that I have his heart.***

The first part of this entry was written quite a while ago but I don’t know if it’s saved anywhere and I don’t want to delete it.

Things have been absolutely crazy since I wrote last. My boyfriend and I are doing well. He’s moved in. Well, he has a place here but stays at my house. Everything is going great and I’m definitely happy to be where I’m at.

BD created a bunch of shit about a month ago and wouldn’t give my daughter back so I had to call the cops. I filed a PO and it wad dismissed last Thursday. The judge said this is a custody matter and we need to file an uncontested custody agreement. I got the paperwork before leaving that day but it’s never going to be filled out because we aren’t going to agree on anything. He is still in the same spot with not working and can’t even afford to feed our child when she’s been with him so I’ve had to take bags of food and drop them off. He had bought her a pair of shoes and kept them.

So, we haven’t gotten to go out together on a weekend for about 5 weekends now and I really do miss it. We work hard all week and I miss having time with him but there’s not much that will change because everyone here wants $20/hr to babysit and my Mom is hit or miss. We have a huge event starting next weekend and we’re planning on just taking her with us. My Mom might watch her a night or two but I’m not getting my hopes up.

I’ve been thinking about reaching out to him and ask if he’d like to agree to everything on paper and then pay the $70 to file it. I know that it won’t be a productive conversation but I am not going to let him see/take her again until there’s a custody agreement on paper where I feel more protected and there’s accountability for him. The papers talk about him covering some health expenses, school supplies, childcare, and even school lunches so he’d be responsible for paying more than just the CS payments, which he still doesn’t. I got a $30 payment the other day so he’s quit his job yet again.