Tough subject.. in Thoughts on thoughts

So sorry y’all for doing a lot of TMI in this blog… started my period so I’m full of rage, headaches and cramps! My thought process for the day is…WHY am I still having to go through this stupid monthly crap if I am unable to have children… its like thanks universe for fucking me over and then making me suffer once a month! I guess my whole huge thing is… I’m still angry at God for a couple of things… one… for just deciding one day my mother had to have brain cancer and so she should just be taken from us so young… another thing.... deciding that I am not good enough to have kids.. but I get to watch everyone else have kids.. or “oops I got pregnant on accident” situations and I’m supposed to just smile and bare it…
So yeah me and the big guy upstairs have beef..... I don’t know if that is fair or not on either part.. but damn it! I’m stuck being 41 and have an ongoing biological clock that ticks.... and ticks....and its empty… like my soul…