Reconnection in Current Events

Today was long and full of terrors. I was counting down the minutes from the moment I woke up. There were no terrors today, I just wanted today to fly by. I do not have a shift tomorrow so I just wanted my long weekend to start. I was tempted to offer to come in tomorrow but I want a break.

I hypothesized in my previous entry that connecting to my goals would keep my mood disorders away. So far, it is a working theory. I am currently in a reflective mood. I need some time and space for myself. I can feel a shift in my inner equilibrium. There is a disconnect with a few things, for better or for worse.

The gym is one of my disconnects. I’ve been going for a year now and I feel like I don’t have anything to show for it. It is suddenly dead to me. I will be going first thing in the morning, I know that I will.

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow morning. I’ll let him know that I finished the book he recommended, No Bad Parts. The author’s politics was loud and clear. He is a leftist through and through. Not a liberal, a leftist, and his two-value thinking can go fuck itself.

I’ve tried three times now to get ahold of a dealership about a car that I am interested in. The one I had my eyes on sold over the weekend. The one I am eyeing is still a used Dodge Charger but a 2022 one. A 2017 one got back to me, I will reach out tomorrow if I don’t get a response from the 2022 one. I will call them since they don’t know how to use their e-mail.

I have been sleeping most of the week. I am feeling some guilt over it. Summers are short and bittersweet in my city.

When I say that my mood disorders are absent, I might be stretching the truth. The physical symptoms still manifest. The anxiety I can flip into excitement. They are the same physical experience. The sleepiness, well that is just the depression. Anger and resentment still come through. This mini break from work is just what I needed. My whole weekend is wide open.

I shall go try and meditate or do Yoga, I suppose.