Brain Burn in Current Events

It’s like I have acid reflux in my brain. It’s racing so hard it physically aches. It is becoming unbearable. My jaw also hurts because grinding my teeth is my stim. I want to go back to last week when my mood disorders were obsolete. I wasn’t even numbed out, they were just not there.

I barely got through the show I mentioned in my previous entry. I passed out which was not something I wanted to do. It was a four-hour nap. My roommate woke me up when she got home just after 8 PM. Well, I’m going to be up all night and then be dead tired at work tomorrow. I figured. I passed out less than 2 hours later. I had 7 hours of sleep the night prior. I had no idea that I was that tired.

Today my depression hit me again. It was the same trigger. At least I know what is going on. The sheople are intransigent and that matters to me because of what I want to do with my podcast. Open-mind surgery, in a captured essence. They are demonic, through and through. Knowing the problem (my depression trigger) is half of the solution. Why bother? I feel compelled to. It’s like when you come out of the 12-step recovery and then have an obligation to help others. I shall run this by my therapist.

I napped after my shift today. I feel like I am coming down with something. Sleep is what my body wants so that is what it shall get. I won’t even catch it, I know it. I took a lot of CBD oil an hour ago. That will knock me out.

I have to organize my thoughts and set myself up with some goals this week. That might be the missing ingredient that is causing my mood disorders to come out and play. I was looking forward to life last week. If my theory is correct, I should not have an anxiety and depression attack tomorrow because before I go to bed, I am opening my day planner and filling it up for this week. If that fails, then my second theory is that I need to soak in the sun. I went two weeks without my mood disorders and spent those two Sundays in the Sun where I belong. I did not do that this past weekend.

The car I wanted was sold. I found a few more and reached out to the dealership to let them know that I am interested. I have my heart set on a Dodge Charger for no good reason. The heart wants what it wants. I returned Bev’s car yesterday after my shift. I missed it this morning as I was walking in the rain. There was no rain in the forecast, it sucked.

I am forgetting that I have a job lined up when I get that car. Everything feels so far away because my head is in the clouds. In the dumps, more like. I can’t see past the pain once it starts. Well, I’ve evolved to do just that. I can see the other side of it but it isn’t easy. It isn’t easy by a lot. I suppose I am dissociating a bit. Then I can’t quite my mind once it starts rumbling with an idea.

I needed to bang this entry out so that my stims would stop. On with my nighttime routine which I desperately need to change up. I need to quit my phone. My provider wants me to upgrade my phone. I am contemplating a downgrade. Just get a cheap flip phone. I just bought a bunch of books, and Karlo inspired me to read. Over lunch today, he just sat in the corner with his eyes closed. I could tell that he was meditating. He also has ADHD. ADHD doesn’t have him is what it looks like. He can do everything. I need to separate myself from all of my vices. Minus coffee because that is medicinal at this point. Blah!