Horrible Fatigue in 2020s

On a scale of 1 to 10, my fatigue is a definite 10 today. While I was in a good mood yesterday, today I feel frustrated and hopeless. I really fear I’m never going to resolve this problem and find out everything that’s causing it, much less what to do about it. So much for thinking the waterbed and the vitamins were my saviors because they’re not.

I can say that I definitely slept poorly. Had to get up to pee and just kept waking up a lot. It still seems that my body should have slept long enough to make up for it, though. Even a nap later on didn’t help. I’m just physically exhausted through and through. I still don’t know if it’s mostly tied into my sleep, the Zyrtec I took yesterday, something I ate, my thyroid, or if I’ve simply developed chronic fatigue. Even on the days I have energy, it’s still not like it used to be.

I really would have loved to have been able to test my TSH the day I felt wound up as well as today. Tom said he keeps checking to see if there’s a home test available. When there is, I’m sure it will cost a fortune. You can now test your A1C for just $65, but you only get four tests.

I would really love to try a custom mouthguard for sleep apnea for a while and see if that helped. I did notice that after I got back into bed after getting up to pee, I felt short of breath. It was almost like I couldn’t take a deep enough breath. This lasted a little while, and then I drifted back off only to wake up many times along the way.

Maybe it was the subconscious stress of worrying about being woken up by the storm, but unlike every other storm I’ve experienced here that’s either all thunder and no rain or a mix of both, this was 95% rain. I was definitely right to believe this would be a wetter summer because it’s never rained that much that long so far since being here. It went on and on all night long without much of a break. It was nice and soothing to hear the sound of the rain. It’s also amazing just how much the ground can absorb here. If it rained like this in Arizona or even California or Oregon, we would be flooded to hell and back. We did get flooded a few times during monsoon storms in Arizona.

The good thing is that I was surprised to hear from Adonis from his account in his real name, even though he’ll always be Adonis to me. I sent him a message a while back telling him that Facebook wouldn’t let me add him, and when I didn’t get a reply, I figured he got sick of me and ghosted. But then I got a message saying that the same thing happened with his niece and that Facebook was weird. It still wouldn’t let me add him, but I replied to his message and allowed for friend requests. He’s following me, and he liked one of my comments in a public group, which was a little strange. I know Facebook is anti-privacy even though they claim otherwise, but I wish all groups were private. It shouldn’t be anybody’s business but the group members’ what I’m sharing in groups. Nothing I do or that anyone else does should be anyone’s business unless we choose to make it their business.

A little worried to find I only got one shitty-paying job available to me today. Also, I expected my pending jobs to pay up, but they haven’t. Let me guess, since all good things have to come to an end, this is when I start making less and less money, right? Yet he’s getting tons of jobs, which he says is only because he’s old and that they seem to have a lot of studies for old people. Yeah, and I’ve always seemed to have a no-making-money rule on me. 🙁

Apparently, the ants of Florida are invincible. The hurricane rains rinsed off the ant spray Tom sprayed outside the kitchen window, which is where they’re getting in, and now they’re back. One was in the sink, and I scalded it with hot water. A few minutes later, there it was climbing out of the sink drain. I sprayed it with ant spray, and it was still running to climb the walls of the sink, so I finally hosed it back down and sprayed the area some more, including around the inside of the window.

I had tons of dreams last night, even though I only remember bits and pieces of them. I was discussing multi-dimensions and space-time with Tom and telling him I didn’t get how space-time worked, and then I was unable to find my purse, which seems to be a popular dream I have.

Then I dreamed I was dancing again and quickly had to quit because of my schedule and sleep issues. I really liked the extra money and was really depressed at the thought of quitting, knowing I couldn’t explain why to anyone at the club or my parents, who seemed to be alive in the dream because I knew they either wouldn’t get it or wouldn’t believe me.

So I draped a light jacket over my shoulders and began to walk home to wherever I lived, but before I got very far, I realized I had forgotten my purse and hurried back nearly in a panic. What is it with me and purse dreams? Used to be being naked in public, and now it’s the purse.

I then had a dream that the economy was going downhill, and the possibility of another serious recession loomed around the corner. When I told Tom about that dream, he said it wouldn’t affect us since he’s not working. That much would be great! No doubt about it.

The most worrisome but far from surprising dream was having to increase my thyroid medication. I’m going to do everything I can, however, to keep that from becoming a dream premonition and not just a dream. I just wonder how much of this fatigue is connected to that. Another fear I have is that it’s either going to be taking enough meds to have energy but be anxious, or take just enough to keep from being anxious but be exhausted instead. I just can’t win no matter what I do.

I also can’t shake that dismal feeling that my life is over. Not that I’m going to die anytime soon, of course, which I kind of have mixed emotions about, but I do worry that due to a lack of money and energy, we’ve basically lived our lives. He doesn’t feel that way, but that’s because he worked for decades. I told him he may feel that way in another decade or so, but he doesn’t think so. I hope not, for his sake.