Nothing Burger in Current Events

I’m house-sitting for a friend until Sunday. Rodent-sitting, really. I have her car for the weekend which I’m looking forward to.

It happened again. I know what this pattern is. Male-pattern bitchness… ok, it’s my ADHD. I hate being that guy who says everything is his dopamine deficiency but it is what it is, for now. Dr. Chris Palmer, the Harvard doctor with a heretic/holistic approach to ADHD that I have been meaning to research, keto is his magic cure for all ailments pertaining to the brains metabolism. I’m hoping it’s more nuance than that. I haven’t looked at his body of work yet. I just know the gist. I digress, go figure. I was gassed up, heading toward something and then I ran out of fuel. I’m in puttering mode. What does that look like? It’s all the things I do compulsively. I realized it Tuesday when I was feeling spread to thin. Why? I have plans. Lame! I was working 40 hours a week and going to school 12 hours a week, this is nothing. This burnout is unwarranted. Yet, I know it’s more ADHD garbage. The masking makes us burnout faster and harder. I’m textbook. I’m literally not a person, I’m just this disease.

I’ve trying really hard to stay optimistic. I like the vibes I had last week. My anxiety and depression has not popped up yet. The behaviours are still there. That blind spot in my psyche is not so sly. Trying to self-sabotage. I see you!

I didn’t schedule an appointment with my therapist this week. I’ll do that next week. Every time I think I’m control, I’m not.

I’m writing on here waiting for the CBD oil to knock me out. Laying in my friends living room in my skivvies because I didn’t pack my shorts, oops. I need to feed her pets before I leave for work. Then I don’t have to worry about it until my own supper time. The plan is to race home as soon as my coffee kicks in. Get ready for work there and then go have myself a long ass day at work. Then be free to drive around and do whatever I want.

My supervisor is being a menace again. She was on her best behaviour after I started drama with HR. She’s back from her holiday and is back to her ways. We are all fed up. Nobody in the building can stand her, really. They try. She’s just too inconsistent. She sassed me in our morning meeting while an ASM was present. The store side has been getting involved in understanding what we do. They started this after the drama I started. I was going to clap back but decided to just let the woman have a bad day. A bad week. Her holiday turned into bereavement leave. Her health is in decline. She’s a smoker, which explains everything. It’s 29°C without the humidex and she needs a sweater. She wears a scarf also. Usually. She has a lot going on and it’s not like anything she is currently doing is that egregious. Let a girl have a bad day.

Karlo, our new hire, decided this week that I’m worthy to talk to. Not just that, he will join me. Not on the days Marcello is there, they’re joined at the hip. Aries and Libra, iLike. He was going out of his way to avoid me. I don’t need to get along with a twenty nothing year old but I was curious about it. It started after I read his birth chart. I think I spooked him. Now he follows me around like a lost poppy, and hangs on to every word. This was the script I gave him. This is the effect I usually have. He’s a Scorpio rising, I’m a Taurus rising but top heavy with Scorpio altogether. Small talk? We hate her. I lent him my most sacred book. The Hearthbook. I am trusting him with it.

He is now following that script I gave him in my mind exactly. I’m a big brother figure. He’s still a Scorpio rising so he ain’t trauma dumping, thank god. The person I get is different than who everyone else gets. He’s a bro. This is how it always was when I was running that restaurant. Minus the trauma dumping.

I have been working on keeping my sleep schedule up to par. So today, I was caught off guard when I was too tired to function at work. If I thought about how tired I was I wanted to cry involuntarily. Thus, I’m glad my CBD oil just kicked in lol. I napped hard when I got home. Thought it would affect me tonight. On that note, dueces ✌️