Q & A From Motherfuckerjones! in Tales From Inmate #00JI61500

Would you rather be in jail or in rehab?

Rehab has better food, my own clothes and I could smoke and had access to soda. So rehab.

Even though the accommodations were shitty and you were locked in, did you feel like the structure and being forced to socialize with others put you in a better head space? Like did it get you out of that rut you seemed to be in?

Actually jail made me hate people a lot more. Not just the guards. I’m talking about the people who have a rap sheet longer than my arm. The people who were there because of drugs or theft or domestic violence and were on a buddy buddy basis with the guards because they’ve been locked up so many times before and you know damn well once they’re out they’re gonna look for the next fix, easy money or fight till they get arrested all over again.

Did you use any drugs or drink in jail? Were they readily available? If you stayed clean in there, are you still clean now that you’re out?

I got a new Delta 8 vape and had a cigarette when I walked out the building. But that’s the extent of what I’m allowing myself to do.

Drug use was rampant but I avoided those people and kept to myself mostly. I was making crackhead jokes but apparently that isn’t a thing anymore. The kids love their ice and fent these days.

Did you lose alot of weight in there?

Kinda? I ate both the jail provided food and candy from the commissary. Lost roughly ten pounds.

Did you make any new friends while you were in there?

Yup!

My first cellmate was this mid 50’s guy from Cali. We talked metal, books and cats. My last cell mates were cool especially the El Salvadorian from California. We traded books and talked our favorite films, shows and music and kept each other laughing. When he got moved into the sewing room for me to train I was able to fill him with all my useless trivia facts and we listened to the morning radio show on the rock station.

What are your plans now that you’re out? Are you in a better head space than when you went in? Do you feel rehabilitated? lol Are you out free and clear or did they start you over on another plan where they get to keep tabs on you?

Right now I’m going to see if I have any additional fees. Pay off that joke of a facility Wellstone (that confession I made to the counselor about my relapse was the FIRST fucking thing the liaison told the judge.) Get a job but I’m torn between manufacturing and something different.

Lastly no. Once I was sentenced that was it. I have a DUI on my record and no probation or drug tests

How did your Mom do while you were gone all that time? Did she come and visit you? Was it weird being back home after being gone so long? Are you and your Mom getting along?

She cried a lot. I cried a lot (when alone.) We don’t do physical visits here, it’s over a kiosk system and camera. She put in $50 and we could never get it to work. When she called to get her money back it would have been a $55 charge. Seriously, you can’t make this shit up on how bad people get fucked here.

The worst part for me was sleepless nights. Knowing that at home I could read my own book, play on my phone or video game, watch my own TV. The loneliness sets in and you stare at the ceiling questioning all your life’s choices that lead you to the current predicament. Should I have stayed with her? Why didn’t I do this instead? What would life be like if [blank?]

It’s only weird that I can’t sleep. I’ve only had 2 hours of rest in over the last 52 hours. Though I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep or just how surreal everything still feels right now but I got way into my head a little while ago and Im feeling a bit tense now. Racing thoughts impending sense of dread over the next few days. I have a bunch of errands to catch up on. Plus a very important doctor visit I need to make.

I’m really scared that I might have a blood disease. The last two times I’ve tried to donate there were some irregularities that have shown up now I’m flagged as a no go on the donor list. That has been in the back of my head since before going in. I was going to make a doc app but I got locked up first.

I’m actually terrified of this and what I may find out.

As for mom, she’s been super grateful I’m back home. She kept money on my phone and commissary. I begged her to get my oldest brother to send me a book from online but he never did. I’m still salty about that. I am also super thankful for all she has done and will never again take something as simple as my own deodorant and body wash or not going to bed on an empty stomach for granted again. I am a lot more appreciative of the life I have and what loved ones I have left that are still on my side. (Told ya I’ve been in my head too much tonight )

And do I feel rehabilitated? No, I’m Red from Shawshank and don’t know what that word means.

SPEAKING OF!
The first thing I got to watch the day I was locked up was fucking Shawshank Redemption. 🤦‍♂️

Now that I think about it, there were two more horrible things. The endless nightmares that I’m stuck in jail or have been arrested and going back in for longer that time.

The last being having a nice dream, surrounded by friends and loved ones, you wake up and it takes a few seconds to remember where you are and you get majorly depressed.