Maine, the Final State in 2020s

Made it to Maine, the final state! I have 123 miles to go.

That was a really quick summer because Toni is already back. Unless she’s letting someone else drive her car, which I doubt, she wasn’t gone long.

I’ve been noticing these itchy “zits” on my vagina that weren’t there before I ran out of Replens and started using Gynotrof. So I discontinued the Gynotrof and will use Kindra next, which Jessie recommended and shouldn’t be a problem. When that runs out, I’ll go back to Replens and stick with it.

I’m still feeling cold a lot of the time, and I have a bad feeling that my TSH is never coming back down under 10 on this dose. I just don’t know if it’s because the gland is dying some more or if I’m having absorption issues. At the end of the year, I’m afraid I’ll have to play the dose titration game again and risk inviting that horrible anxiety back. Yes, it’s great that I know how to control it and have a handle on it, but I still don’t want to go back there, even for just a day. Again, this is something that’s so bad it’s almost unworldly. It isn’t the kind of anxiety one feels when things aren’t going well in their life.

I’m a little tired because I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept waking up and having shitty dreams. In one dream, I didn’t know Tom, and I was homeless and penniless. I was in a car that some woman was driving when it got a flat tire at night on the side of the road. An RV pulled up behind us, and a couple emerged from it. The woman who was driving us got out of the car and talked to them. Then I stepped out, since it was dark, and offered to use my phone as a flashlight because there wasn’t much light spilling out of the RV. I could barely see the faces of the couple. They said it was fine, though, and the woman I was with went into the RV with the couple while I sat and waited in the car.

A horrible feeling suddenly came over me, and I felt a sense of desperation and hopelessness. I was afraid the couple was up to no good and that I wasn’t going to make it. I even contemplated ways of ending it all.

A split second later, I was in some building that may have been a hotel or apartments talking to an Asian woman who suddenly filled me with a sense of hope as we discussed exchanging favors for each other. I was going to clean for her for money and other things. As I closed the door to go to sleep, I thought to myself how interesting it was that we sometimes meet people who seem like they’re such a small part of our lives, only to later learn that they actually play a major part and are a huge influence on us in various ways.