An Eventful (Last) Month Continued in My New Life
Revised: 06/11/2024 10:35 a.m.
- June 10, 2024, 9 p.m.
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- Public
I hadn’t spoken to my friend A_ for almost two years or so. We had good times in college, but his relationship was borderline smothering, and controlling at times. We had good times, but there were times I feared I had invited a horror story character into my life. His sign is Pisces, and he would admit back then when we were roommates that he had two conflicting souls within him. As it seems, those conflicting souls have become somewhat split personalities. One personality is someone whom I enjoy the company of. He is also an intellectual who reads good literature, a classical pianist who taught me a lot on the keys, and an expert on good films. His other side is controlling, psychotic, paranoid, a leech or psychic vampire he would call it himself, and a dirty gameplayer with a little-man’s complex. He developed severe alcoholism, and his brother would eventually shoot himself in the head. This traumatic experience fueled with alcoholism has manifested his negative attributes to a head, and there were points that I would call my friend, and “my friend” wasn’t the one speaking on his phone.
A few weeks ago, he emailed me and he sounded like he was doing better, holding down a job, and playing piano again, and so I invited him over to catch up like old college friends.
This is a problem I am facing more and more as I grow older. Folks who did not make good decisions with their lives, and health are buzzing around my abode and gazing into my life. While he was drinking heavily throughout his 20s, chain smoking, eating poorly and maybe he was exercising but it was not not anywhere to the extent of my own dedication to a healthy balanced life. I used to party too, and still do occasionally, but this has come with a lot of practice of balancing out a life.
What I am experiencing now (at 35) is folks who I am forced to cross paths with occasionally and who I used to commune with are floundering in their health, worklives, peace of mind, etc. etc. They look into my life, and see what I have built, and they cannot accept where I actually am in life, psychologically, physically, and so on. I began studying yogic texts around age 21. Yoga is a Life Science. Those words hit me and a light came on. There is a science to living life well. And now, folks in my network are all fucked up due to their choices in their 20s, and they look in on me, and cannot not accept that someone isn’t suffering the same fate as them. And they will begin to attempt to traumatize you, or me to “level a playing field” or at least that is how their minds work. I have had traumatizing things happen to me in my life, but I have found peace with it, let it go, and continued on the journey. One may be able to take my comfort away for a day or so, but it can never undo the 1,001 hours I have spent in yoga and meditation. It can never make me unread 500-600 novels, books, self-help manuals and so on. It can’t be taken away.
My friend A_ is struggling in life and I wish him the best, however, if brought in close he will insist that everyone else is struggling along with him. He cannot accept the consequences of the decisions he made and that other folks made better choices. It fucks with his brain. He is better than everyone else, remember?
Last updated June 11, 2024
TL ⋅ June 11, 2024
It is okay to outgrow people. I was around your age, closer to 30, when I walked away from people like that to make room for more elevated people. Still have nothing but vacancies, lol.
Self-sabotage is a hallmark of Pisces. The 12H contains my North Node, which is an area of focus for me.
I still want to see your chart. I'm looking for Gemini. The communicator. Scorpio and Sagittarius wouldn't surprise me for a second. They're great for philosophy and growth (the hard way).
Zampano TL ⋅ June 11, 2024
That is exceptionally pleasant to read. Yes, our relationship, even back in the college dorms has been a series of me walking away from him. The first time was Sophomore year. He wouldn't give me, and my girlfriend time away from him. He was always negative, and bitter about his teachers. Controlling, and I found myself sneaking out down the hall to play music with another pianist. Upon my return, he was in the doorway of my room grilling me with questions on where I had been. I felt like a cheating spouse sneaking back in my room. At that point I knew I had to make some friend changes. I transferred to other friends gradually. What I would find out years later was how hard he took the rejection. It ate him up with malice, and competition. Normal folks tend accept when life takes people in different directions. I always hoped he would just go off, and live his life, but eventually I would find out he wasn't normal. He is actually one of the reasons why I went into Mental Health Work. The "I love you, I hate you" type. He's better than me, but I wasn't allowed to leave: Narcissistic personality thing.
He does have a side that I do care to be friends with. He respects me (but to the point of obsession), and his competitive nature is to the point of insanity. If we are competing then why would I invite him over? So, if it's a competition, I better not speak to him. But, that makes his rejection even worse. He just doesn't know how to be a house guest.
Taurus. 5-18-1989
TL Zampano ⋅ June 11, 2024
Frenemy, that dynamic. Sounds like he has narcissistic personality disorder indeed. BDP? Which is a failed narcissist. You cut off his supply which is what you should do. I hope he finds peace.
Booya! What city you born in? Do you know the time? Within a 10 minute window. The time gives me the horoscope. You read for the sign rising in the east at the time you were born. I can still get a lot without it. But only half.