On Further Thought in Meeting Mr. Jesus Christ

I was in the final paragraph of a windy, uninteresting to anyone but my ego kind of entry when my mouse pad read my shadow and closed my browser and caused the entry to be lost forever. I need to write my entries in an outside program then import them, but I get lazy. How crazy is that to be too lazy to open a program?

Tomorrow upon the nudge of a wise friend I'm going to meet face-to-face with the pastor of the church I have been recently attending. It's a get to know you thing, but I'm sure will turn out to be a bit deeper than a surface "glad you're coming to our happy little church" chat.

Tonight I attended a mixed group study for the fourth time, led by a deacon as pastor was at a convention. I seem to learn a lot at this study, probably cause I keep my intimidated by mature Christians mouth shut. The potential for me to grow within this group seems great.

I've noticed the men lead, the women have plenty to offer in the classes, but in moderation, and I feel I've stepped back in my life almost 30 years. My independence as a woman took over when I lost the leadership example of the man being head of a family when my grandpa died. Shortly after that I was on my own as a single woman. That lead to having to do whatever a man would do, which doesn't necessarily lead to success, just survival. (I don't wanna hear any comments from feminists who may read this. I believe in a very old time family structure. Period.)

I cherish the structure of a biblical family, but feel incredibly out of place surrounded by them, all the while I glance from family to family with curiosity and admiration. One a family does not make, and my oneness hangs on me like an over-sized granny sweater. Guess that is another defining reason to make Christ the focus of my life, amen?

If I can get used to being surrounded by southerners who live in the north (which incidentally makes no sense what so ever) and speak with southern accents of every type, I'll blend into this church okay I think. I'm taking my time and paying attention. I have some questions, I see some contradictions between their beliefs and scripture (irrelevant though they may be) they do exist. I want to make sure I'm not signing up with a group that in my heart I can't fully be in agreement with. Time will tell.

I was told to pay attention. I listened.

Off to bed with my night shift butt. Morning comes too early and hard for my liking.

Bless all who may pass by this page.