5/30/24 in 2024

2nd Essex Pride is Saturday!

Honestly, I’m upset and have a lot to process and grieve if this is my new normal…I really loved perfecting my handwriting, journaling and coloring and I can’t do any of that now. I also love photography, but am too shaky currently, unless I have an anchor. I loved wandering in nature, driving, beaches, dancing…I can’t do any of that. I’ll have to look up accessible nature paths, but most aren’t. Walking into the water or on a beach in general is very hard with my lack of stability, and I often fall…it’s also really hard for me to get OUT of the water. People who are wheelchair-bound don’t even get the OPTION to go to the beach, or at least very rarely. I literally know of ONE beach that’s been made accessible, it’s the one everyone goes to so it’s always busy, and I haven’t TRIED their accommodations (because I never go there), so I don’t even know if they’re ideal or just theory.

Much of my life was spent in chorus, girls’ groups, college choirs, etc. for singing and I’ve always enjoyed singing along with songs. I’ll likely never be able to sing again. I’m intelligent a think and respond in my head at normal speed, but it takes me so goddamn long to talk.

I used to walk everywhere and take the bus, but I can’t even make it to the bus station anymore, and it’s very dangerous for me to bring my own walker down the stairs, but I might be able to walk to some closer places with practice.

It’s really hard having my friends and father so far away, and I’m sick of relying on my mother for all my rides (that’s a lot of pressure for her too and she can’t drive me around forever…)
Uber/Lyft costs money and can be unreliable and SSTA is generally not ideal and can often be unreliable as well. My counselor was telling me they’ve tried out micro transport in other areas of the state with great results and Essex would be another great chapter, but I’m basically looking for something like that.

I have so much to think about, but honestly, it’s also not fair that I have to do all of this.