December 2019 in 2010s

MONDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2019
Want to lose weight? Just stop exercising, LOL. In the three days I’ve taken off from exercising I’ve lost 2 lbs, as I usually do when I take a break. But I value the benefits of keeping active so I’m going to work out in a bit and gain more muscle that I don’t need and not lose the fat I do need to lose, haha.

Been getting “neck knockers” again lately and I don’t know why. That’s usually a blood pressure thing but my blood pressure hasn’t been any higher than usual. It’s actually not that bad. I’ve also been having some palpitations which get a little scary at times. I’m not talking about a racing HR so much as that fluttery feeling that lasts for a few seconds.

The commercial planes have gone from horrible to quiet to back to being horrible. Last night I couldn’t even hear the freeway, so except for a few helicopters and small planes, it was relatively quiet. When I awoke in the early evening and turned off the sound machine, I could hear the freeway which told me I would likely hear the planes, and sure enough, we’re back to half a dozen or so an hour. They’ve been flying later and starting earlier and we easily get around 100 a day, not counting small planes and helicopters.

It’s absolutely horrible here and I can’t believe others aren’t just as annoyed. Emergencies are one thing but it’s totally ridiculous how so many businesses are all about making money and to hell with who gets put out by it. I can’t wait to get out of this fucking place someday. It’s hard to get a quiet place anywhere, but I just want to get off the street and out of a flight path!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2019
Nice to be able to understand Love’s mother’s German on YOU and yes, achieving orgasm at her age definitely does get harder, if you can ever get in the mood to begin with. Sometimes I wonder if a younger hottie could even do it for me these days, but I doubt it. As for being “dry as a desert” down there, I don’t know about that, but things certainly aren’t like the Amazon rainforest either.

Thanks to the fucking garbage truck waking me up, I’m a little tired today. I’m sure the wine I also treated myself to didn’t help either.

I’ve noticed that when I take a few days off from working out, my weight drops. All I do when I work out is gain more muscle. I don’t lose any fat. Well, I definitely don’t need any more muscle weighing me down any more than I need more fat, but it’s true, LOL. I build muscle so easily that all I do is pack on more whenever I work out. I wouldn’t want to because super muscular men are gross and it’s even grosser on a woman, but I could train as a bodybuilder so easily!

After unfriending and blocking the drama queen on Goodreads (I forgot that because I joined through Facebook it would automatically connect me with my Facebook friends) I decided to leave the same comment I left to the same person that bashed one of my books on Amazon. I also flagged them, but I don’t know if anything will be done about them. If they don’t do anything at least they’ll have my reply which is the paragraph below.

Hello! I am the author of this book, and you left the exact same dramatic message on Amazon which they removed. First, I’m very sorry you didn’t enjoy the book. Secondly, never did I try to hide the genre of this book. I never said in the synopsis that it was a “bad relationship” nor did I list it in such categories as romance, drama or relationships. If you’re this sensitive, then perhaps you should seek actual romances and or comedies. And may I suggest in the future simply moving on to something else when you happen upon a book you dislike rather than bashing the book/author? Just a suggestion. :) Have a nice day!

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2019
I may skip entering expiring sweeps this month because all it does these days is invite spam and win notifications for other people. I’m sorry, but I just don’t need to be congratulated on some stranger’s win in whatever city and state they live in.

I decided I missed writing publicly on MD after all, and the guy was kind enough to restore the account I deleted. I don’t give a shit anymore if Tammy and her brood find me. I can ignore them. I did change my username, however, not wanting to make it that easy for them. So, if they look up my name, they’ll be out of luck. They’ll have to stumble upon me accidentally or find some other means of looking me up.

I am going to discontinue Dreamwidth, though, because there is a tool to make all the entries public, so I learned, but it’s a paid feature. So, screw them.

The people we bought the guinea pigs’ hay from are sending a free hay mobile for the pigs in exchange for leaving a product review on Amazon. I even included a picture. I also gave them additional pictures of the pigs and one of Fuzzy for their featured cuties, as they call it.

The pigs aren’t as dumb as I thought they were. They know exactly where all their things are kept. When I go to the refrigerator, they follow me to the corner of their pen closest to it because they know that’s where their lettuce is kept. They also beg by the counter that’s by the entryway because they know that’s where their tomatoes are. Also, I went into the kitchen last night and saw they were out of hay. I started fixing myself something to eat and told myself I would get their hay once I preheated the oven. Then they walked over to the counter where the hay is and started squealing, so they know where it’s kept.

I woke up today thinking it was quite a miracle that I slept through the trash and green waste trucks, but it turns out there’s a simple reason why. They didn’t come today. I guess that due to the holidays they’re backed up, so they’re coming tomorrow instead.

I’m a little perplexed as to why Aly won’t point out typos in my journal entries that I either discover later or put in her entries deliberately as a test. Does she feel like it’s too much to ask for? I wouldn’t think that would be asking for much in exchange for me taking the time to send her the entries, but I guess it’s just a pain in the ass for her for some reason. Aly’s always been known to notice things but not say anything, as she herself once tweeted.

Time to go trim my bangs now.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2019
So, SO grateful to my bestie for upvoting 3 of the books she’s read on Goodreads! As I told her, I owe her one!

It was my turn to be pissed at Netflix. S2 of YOU was just released there, even though Hulu still has enough stuff. For now, anyway. It’s just my luck that as soon as I find an American movie that looks good, it turns out I’ve already seen it.

Anyway, I realized we actually have Netflix until January 8th, so that gives me plenty of time to watch the second season of YOU, even if as always, race and color have to be mentioned and it must be implied that life is a bowl of cherries for whites wow insinuating that a woman at the motor vehicles didn’t get proper attention simply because she was Muslim. Really, really getting sick of all these exaggerated and unfair portrayals of non-whites as victims and whites having everything come easy to them.

All the conservatives that hate gays must be a million more times more annoyed than I am because just as many shows depicting all these non-whites that are supposedly picked on by the evil yet “privileged” white man have gay and lesbian characters, too. It’s about time, too! Yes, every group has been shit on in some form or another, but no groups have been victimized nearly as much as gays and Jews. So while I’m irritated by how bad TV makes white people look these days, I’m ten times more thrilled to see those lesbian weddings! :-)

So much for getting any peace from commercial planes after midnight. Two of them roared overhead one right after the other after 1am. The night before they waited till just after midnight, while the day before it was all day and all night. So they’re just as unpredictable as they are predictable.

Thanks, God, for ensuring that every single fucking place I ever live in is noisy. Thanks. Seriously, I clench my fists and say to any possible God up there through gritted teeth, “You WILL compensate me for all this noise in the next place. You WILL!”

But of course it won’t. Just like some people are meant to be alone or broke, I’m meant to live with noise.

The mama’s boy came and went yesterday and might have woken me up. I’m not sure, though. I’m not sure if I woke up and then heard it or if it woke me up first but, one of the times I definitely heard it.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2019
Not surprisingly, Christmas Eve begins with the loud car coming and then going. Hoping it will disappear after the holidays, but it seems that at least one of the times it became a regular problem was right after the new year began.

At least I’m finally getting some peace from above tonight. It’s wonderful. Last night was just awful! You couldn’t even go 10 to 15 minutes without hearing commercials, small planes, or low-flying helicopters. It really sucked. Had the air cleaner running on high and could still hear the fuckers.

I’ve already begun my healthier eating but not dieting in the traditional sense. My goals are simple… Eat right, keep active, and let the rest take care of itself and be whatever it’s meant to be.

However, I’m still getting hit with random bouts of fatigue that really annoys me. There doesn’t seem to be much of a pattern to it. Sometimes I can work out for an hour and still have energy, and other times I can slave over the animals like we did for about a half-hour and feel drained as if I’d been going and going for hours. Since I’m not in perimenopause anymore and since I don’t believe I have PV, it probably is low thyroid. I’ll begin swapping in fatigue for anxiety in February before my March blood drawing.

I wonder how much of it could be age. I’ve heard conflicting reports as far as aging and fatigue. Some say it goes with the territory and others say you shouldn’t be tired just because you’re older and that if you are, something’s wrong. If it is normal with age, is 54 really old enough to feel this way?

I hope Dixie was able to get the help that she expected from Pat and her husband. Pat is the black woman that lives next to her. I’ve exchanged waves and hellos with her before, but thanks to the sickos in Arizona putting a complex on me, I’m hesitant to get too close even though this is certainly no welfare bum on C8. The last thing I need is to have her get pissed off at me for whatever and find out the hard way that she has a corrupt cop friend she can use to race-card me into trouble. Again, it may be highly unlikely, but it happened once. Their stories kept changing, though. I guess first the bitch told the media I threatened just her, and then it was her whole family. I’m not trusting in general no matter who it is or where they’re from, but there are certain cases where I’m even more hesitant to take chances.

A couple of days ago I noticed that the shower pressure was back down again. We’re not sure what it is but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was on the park somehow.

Someone in the UK downloaded 8 pages of Renting Ginny. Let me guess… They hated it and can’t wait to bash it on Goodreads, right? I asked Aly, and she’s going to be kind enough to give it a good rating. Hopefully, it will go through.

Found an easier way to double-check and edit entries on Blogger, MD, PB and Dreamwidth/LJ, but it’s still a big job and LJ is giving me shit tonight. They’re saying I exceeded the login failure rate and that my IP has been temporarily banned. Yet when I go to the site directly, I’m able to do things there. Tom thinks it’s a bandwidth issue.

Last night I dreamed of beaches and other things, but I can’t remember the other things.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2019
I was looking forward to doing another exercise video today, but I don’t know. I’m kind of tired today. Maybe I’ll just walk on the treadmill. I even wanted to go out and get a walk in the fresh air, but I just don’t have the energy. I don’t know why. I didn’t think I slept that badly.

I Googled my name to see how easy it is to pull up my Blogger blog, and it isn’t. Not since Google+ went away. In doing so, I found the same shitty review on Renting Ginny on Goodreads that the person left on Amazon before the drama queen’s review, which was removed. Someone else I don’t seem to know also gave it a 1-star rating.

So they love it when it’s free but hate it when it’s not? Anyone who’s ever read it for free said it was a really good book. And why are people quick to review books they don’t like as opposed to those they do like?

I also discovered someone gave Evil Amongst the Evergreens a 3-star rating and gave Kinky Katrina a 4-star rating on a Dutch site.

Since Aly is a Goodreads member, and Goodreads is mostly for rating books and keeping track of what you read, I asked her to see if she could rate any of them. Ginny could certainly use a boost over there!

All is fairly quiet in the park today, but the sky is a totally different story.

I woke up with a slight headache and it’s not going away on its own, so time to hit the ibuprofen.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2019
The planes weren’t as bad as I expected them to be last night or so far today, but the car stereos around here are getting worse. Don’t most things eventually, though? I’m hearing them more when I’m out in public and even in the park. I’m guessing most of the park ones aren’t residents but delivery people or visitors.

Lots of wind and rain today as we made a quick run to Walgreens. This should be it for the rest of the year, though.

At the store, they had some items discounted and one of them was a collection of bergamot and vanilla-scented body wash, lotion, body butter, and cologne for just $5. It’s nice smelling. Not great, but good and definitely a good deal.

Tom agrees that I don’t have polycythemia vera and that they likely just use that term for someone who’s slightly high when it comes to red blood cells and hematocrit counts.

The way so many doctors screw up, not just with me but with people in general, is rather alarming. It seems to happen way more often than it should. They can’t get everything right 100% of the time, but I think they fuck up a little too often.

My PCP told me that high blood pressure couldn’t cause anxiety, but anxiety could cause high blood pressure. That’s not what I recently read online, though.

Then there was that time they were going to start me on the same blood pressure medicine he was on that made him cough a lot when I saw the nurse and asked her to ask Doc A if it could be losartan or something like that instead. Then the doctor later tells me that my morning readings are good so it’s best not to take anything because it might make me dizzy, and I was like, NOW she tells me this? How dizzy might I have gotten if I’d gone ahead and taken what the nurse first recommended?

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2019
Tom and I racked our brains trying to figure out why I couldn’t tap a word on the phone when voice typing and have a drop-down menu with other options appear. Then he did some research and found that we needed to turn off Samsung’s speech-to-text and activate Google’s, which I feel is the most accurate and has the best features. So now I once again have that option and won’t be going back to my old phone like I might have had we not been able to fix that.

As heavy and as bulky as this phone is in comparison, I definitely like it much better. It’s much faster and the graphics look great. I also love unlocking it with my fingerprint.

I can tell it’s going to be a bad plane night. If you can hear them tearing overhead at this time, then they’re likely to be bad until after midnight.

Anyway, I was thinking about how I’ve been less public for a while now not just because I don’t want people in my past to know what’s going on with me but possible future park managers or rental managers not being able to glimpse into who I am, and I wonder if I should worry about that so much. Maybe I’m worrying about that more than I should, so sooner or later I’m going to say “fuck it” just like I stopped being too nice and too forgiving. If a potential management company looks in on me before deciding whether or not to sell or rent to us and they decide they don’t like me because I’m liberal or something, then maybe they’re not the ones to be doing business with in the first place. As for those in my past, fuck what they know or don’t know because they’re in my past to stay. They won’t be getting a brand-new pass into my life in a decade or so from now because of biology, something people take way too seriously and put way too much stock in.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2019
Damn you, Sarah. Yeah, I should have figured the little shit would go through my followers and reach out to Tom on Pinterest as she did three weeks ago. Well, the turd has been blocked with its message completely unread and ignored. I also changed our usernames and profile links.

It’s kind of funny that they think Tom is the answer to their problem with me and that he’s going to fix everything and side with them as opposed to his “mentally ill” wife. Yeah, everyone that pisses them off automatically becomes mentally ill. However, she and her sisters and mother are as meaningless to us as strangers on the other side of the world babbling at us in some totally foreign language. They always will be, too.

We were laughing the other day when I realized that his workplace is right in front of Tammy’s face only she doesn’t know it, of course. Well, the old name of his workplace is. It isn’t called that anymore but I’m pretty sure one of the pictures I took in Florida shows him wearing a company shirt.

I love my new phone but speech-to-text, which is the most important thing for me with all the writing I do, isn’t as easy to use, which is a bit surprising. If my other one didn’t write out swears it would at least star them but now it gives me incorrect words altogether in place of swears. “Shit” is “ship.”

Worst of all is that I can’t touch a word I want to change and get a drop-down menu with other alternatives.

I still have a lot of setting up to do. The phone is so long that it’s hard to see everything clearly without moving my eyeballs, lol. It might actually be a little skinnier than my cheap Android but it’s definitely longer and images are sharper. It came with a stunning image of a forest in autumn with colorful trees for wallpaper.

I first consider playing music on this phone when out walking but it’s a bit heavy and bulky. I have to remember not to hold it too low in my small hand otherwise it could topple over the back of my hand. If you want something compact and lightweight, the Samsung Galaxy isn’t the way to go. I had to laugh when I thought of Aly because she’d probably hate it.

I love the way I can unlock it with my thumbprint. I think that’s a lot more secure than pin numbers or passwords. Facial recognition is also an option, but some people do look similar to others whereas no one has our fingerprints.

Anyway, I’m excited about the idea of Aly possibly saving up to come out here in the summer, even if it’s only for a day, or a day and a night. If it’s just her, she can stay on the living room couch if she wants and save on hotels. I’ll even move the animals out of that area for her. It’s unlikely the pigs would start screaming but they do get chatty and the rats get rambunctious at night when they’re playing. I can get her favorite foods for her if we don’t go out to eat. twirls with delight I definitely won’t be in the nude while she’s here like I was in my dream last night, though, lol. I have no idea why, but I was naked as we were chatting. Finally, I thought to ask her if my being naked made her uncomfortable.

I was a little shy and embarrassed by the idea of her seeing just how big and old I’m getting but not only does she not judge her friends by how they look, but everyone gets old and almost everyone gains weight with age. It’s a simple fact of life. Besides, no matter what my age and size, I’m still me. :) The exact age and size I was meant to be. My bigness gives me a sense of confidence and security when out in public, especially when I’m by myself. I don’t have to worry about perverts and shit like that since most people would rather not mess with a nearly 160-pound person even if she doesn’t quite look that heavy because she works out. So, definitely some benefits to being a big girl even though I’d be healthier if I weren’t.

Went for a walk late in the morning after a quick phone call to Dixie. Along the way I heard 2 dogs go off, 2 projects being done, 3 sections being mown and blown, and 2 planes, but it was still a good workout. I’m surprised I only heard a couple of planes.

Did additional research and checked my medical records to see exactly what they say I have, and it’s listed as polycythemia vera which is a rare blood cancer. The red cell blood count and hematocrit are what are most important. The last time I had blood drawn, both were slightly high. Some people don’t have symptoms. The prognosis isn’t nearly as bad as it was years ago, though I still doubt I’ll ever need treatment for it. If I do, I’m probably many years away from that.

Leave it to Santa to put up a snowman balloon that’s taller than his house. It looks cool as do many of the holiday decorations around here. I think he’s the one that’s been sawing so much. With things running and me not in the living room, it’s not so bad, but otherwise it’s a bit annoying as are their dogs, and I hope to hell we never end up next to someone like that who’s always outside doing all kinds of projects like Jesse was.

When Tom got home yesterday, we ran out to Rite Aid for treats. I made sure not to overdo it, and my New Year’s resolution is definitely going to be to give up the glass of wine I often have at the end of my day, and limit my treats to 1 serving, 1 day a week. I know we can make resolutions any time of the year but figure that would be a good time because it’s always harder during the holidays to behave.

Just when we go to kill Netflix, Tom says they added a show he wanted to watch. ROTFL! We still have enough stuff to watch on Hulu, though. I just discovered Criminal Minds: Suspicious Behavior and began watching that. Did I have to hear about race? Well, of course. This time it was more in relation to serial killers not usually changing races along the way as opposed to racism, but still. It’s funny how race/racism always happens to come up in modern shows.

Kind of a lame-looking cast, though. Forest Whitaker is one ugly, creepy-looking guy with that fucked up eye of his. The one who’s partially bald doesn’t look like an actor but more like an ordinary guy you wouldn’t expect to find on TV.

I also had this weird dream of running out of money and not being able to get ahold of Dad, who was still alive. I was living alone and didn’t seem to know Tom. I decided to have some Chinese delivered for dinner and then realized funds were getting low and I probably shouldn’t splurge. Then I began to worry more when I realized Dad never responded to my message about running low on money. I guess I didn’t work or receive any type of benefits.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2019
Part of the fatigue I sometimes have could come from the polycythemia IF their diagnosis is correct and I really do have it. According to my research, it isn’t cancer. It’s a mutant gene that causes the body to produce too many red and white blood cells and for the blood to become thicker and flow slower. What’s weird is that one of the symptoms is a burning sensation in the soles of your feet. I’ve had that from time to time but wrote it off to dry skin. I still disagree with this diagnosis but it’s interesting. They don’t know what causes it but it’s rare and not hereditary. Progression and symptoms can vary, and they can be treated with things like aspirin, removing some blood like they do when you donate blood or medication. If I really do have it, it’s highly unlikely to ever be a serious enough issue for me to need treatment. That would be my guess, anyway, based on my research.

Hanging out in the living room yesterday and listening to all kinds of planes and helicopters was a waste of time because FedEx never came. Instead, Tom picked up my phone on his way home from work. At least he didn’t have to go out of the way. It was right down the street from where he works. The phone is now activated but I’m having trouble setting it up and want to wait till he gets home. Can’t wait to take pictures with this thing. A $350 phone ought to look really nice. I can no longer make calls on my cheap LG phone, but it can still do things like Skype and WhatsApp. I’ll only use it to play music when I’m out walking.

I just got back from a half-hour walk, and as usual, I mixed in some jogging. I didn’t bother to take my old phone and play music, though, because I figured it would be a bit hard to hear over the landscaping and planes. Although it was only 50 degrees, it was nice out. The sky was cloudy and the roads were still wet but the winds were calm.

When I was hanging out in the living room yesterday, I saw the park’s ATVs enter the circle six different times. Once they were pulling a small trailer. I didn’t hear any landscaping at the time, so I wonder what they were doing.

He’s still doing a lot of OT but it’s bringing in an extra 90 bucks a day, which we could always use.

I emailed Dixie, telling her I couldn’t call out just yet and asked if she wanted company today, but I haven’t heard back from her. I reread her email and she said something about not being able to get the timesheets in the “portal,” it’s horrible what they’re doing to them, she wrote and told them so.

Still not really sure what she’s talking about, but I think it has to do with Diane. They’re really starting to pressure Dixie into having Diane put in some kind of home somewhere.

Out of the 10 dolls from the Heart for Hearts collection, I like the ones from Laos, Mexico, Afghanistan, and India, and one from the US the best. But I don’t want to spend $200 on all these dolls so I think I’ll just get the one from Laos and a clothes lot. They have lots of clothes for various types of dolls. In one lot I found, there are 10 outfits for $28, and I like each outfit, so I’ll probably get that eventually. Fuck that I’m in my 50s. I love cute, bright, colorful things and I always will. :-)

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2019
So Trumpty Dumpty is being impeached after all. It’s too bad it’s meaningless, though. Doesn’t mean he’s going to get kicked out of office.

On the treadmill now this cold wet Wednesday, watching a couple of turkeys through the window poking at whatever it is they’re poking at in the middle of the road. We’re gonna have highs in the 50s and 60s and lows in the 40s over the next few days.

So much for thinking the weather and direction of the wind would save me from the planes because I’ve definitely heard plenty of commercials from 5:40 till around 8:30. Now it’s mostly small planes and helicopters.

I still don’t get why I haven’t gotten accustomed to living with noise when it’s all I’ve ever known for most of my life, and each place only gets noisier.

Today I don’t have the luxury of hiding under sound machines because I have to sign for a package. FedEx tried to deliver my new Samsung phone yesterday, but because I just have to live in a noisy neighborhood and am forced to use sound machines to keep from being distracted so much, I never heard anyone come to the door. The rain will probably save me from landscaping sounds today, but I’ll have to deal with the traffic both on the ground and in the sky for now. They said they would attempt to deliver again today between 10:30 and 5:00 and I’m sure that with my shit luck it will be closer to 5:00. Tom said don’t worry if I miss them if they happen to come by when I’m in the bathroom or something because he can always stop by FedEx and pick it up on his way home from work.

Tammy definitely didn’t get the anonymous message I sent shortly after they started shit with me. The bitch is still stuck in my Outlook contacts on my phone and I haven’t figured out how to get rid of her yet. When I noticed this, I realized I input the wrong address. That’s okay, though, because ghosting these assholes is definitely the best way to go. I don’t think they’ll give me any more shit but it’s always best to have all the evidence show that they’re the ones that kept contacting me after I specifically said I didn’t want to go back and forth and not me.

I asked if J could tell me if Stuart, Florida has visited me on one of the writing platforms this month, figuring he’d blow me off or say he couldn’t (wouldn’t) give me that info, but instead I was surprised by him telling me he doesn’t see any such visitor in the last 30 days. If that’s true, it’s a little surprising. I’m also surprised she never emailed me or found a way to obtain our address.

Dixie canceled our plans for me to visit her yesterday because she said something about an opportunity to see a movie and how she really needed a movie at the moment, plus some kind of computer problem. I told her that would be fine because there are other days.

She asked if I wanted to visit later today and I told her today wouldn’t be a good day. Then she said something about asking the people next to her for help because she couldn’t get the “sheets in the portal.” I have no idea what she’s talking about.

My Elula doll arrived yesterday and she’s adorable. The BFI doll clothes do fit but are a little loose in the chest because the BFI’s depict more of a girl in her early teens whereas these dolls are younger and reflect that of a girl between 8-10.

Unfortunately, I had to unpair the new Alexa clock with the remote because the damn thing would make these random ding-dongs every now and then. So far it seems to have helped but it’s only been a day. I like having the clock but hate how it too, has too much bass and sounds muffled just like the last one we got that the drama queen won’t be getting.

Hulu now has an app of its own where we can watch through that instead of a browser and I began watching Cold Squad from the late 90s. Because it’s older, it’s square and grainy but at least back in these days, it wasn’t all about the same old overrated, exaggerated shit you hear relentlessly these days. It’s an okay series so far. They’ve got seven seasons on the site. I’m only on the second episode.

Guess I’ll do a workout vid now. It stopped keeping track of how many of the ones I’d subscribed to that I’ve done, so I’m keeping track by writing them down.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2019
Ordered a 14in all-vinyl doll named Elula for just $8 yesterday. She’ll arrive tomorrow. I want to see if the BFI doll clothes fit this type of doll. If not, I’ll have a cute doll in a cute outfit. This one has straight blonde hair to the shoulders with bright blue eyes. She wears a pink tunic with gray and white tights. She also has gold glitter shoes and a gold glitter hair bow. She’s from the Glitter Girls collection. The Wellie Wishers are too expensive and average $60. Too much for dolls this size. The Glitter Girls are normally $20. There’s another collection that averages $40 that I like that has dolls from different countries. I like the ones from Laos and India best and may eventually get them. They’re supposed to be able to share clothes.

The cases for the new phone came yesterday and while the glitter one is gorgeous, the beach scene isn’t as sharp and clear as it looked online because it’s actually textured. It’s still nice, though.

We replaced all 10 fluorescent bulbs in the kitchen with LEDs that say they last 44 years. They’re skinnier and super bright. If it wasn’t for the frosted panels in the drop-down ceiling, there would be no way I could stand it.

I might have had a productive weekend, but I sure had a rough night last night. I don’t know if it’s because I overate or if I ate something bad, but I really need to stop the weekend binge eating. I always do it with the idea of getting rid of it all, but I never do because it’s still such a gross thought and bad for the throat.

I felt horrible all night and I’m still a little queasy. Lots of heartburn and nausea. My heartburn is gone now but I’m kind of surprised I didn’t throw up. A part of me wished I would, too.

Because it just had to happen so close to bedtime, I woke up several times and again, there’s no doubt that something up there is cursing my sleep. If it isn’t noise waking me up, it’s shit like this, or I wake up just because. Why is it so important to whatever’s up there that I don’t sleep well? I’ll never be able to answer that one any more than why anything up there might not want me getting all the medication I need.

Two nights ago was my fault. I was dumb enough to turn off the brown noise when I woke up at 7:30. Then at 9, something loud roared by and woke me up.

The planes are back to being horribly annoying as well. The winds have to be heading south in order to shut them up and that just doesn’t happen very often. Later in the week, they should head south again because we’re going to get more rain. For now, it looks like we just hit freezing for the first time this year. Just going out in the 36-degree temperatures yesterday morning to the store was agonizing enough. It’s horribly cold. The thirties are torture for me.

We got rid of Netflix figuring that Hulu, HBO and Prime TV are enough. Netflix was getting really bad with foreign shit. I don’t know why they would think Americans want to sit and watch movies in Japan, Turkey or wherever. The rise in foreign movies is everywhere but at least Hulu has some American crime docs I don’t mind watching. Right now I’m watching Your Worst Nightmare and it’s pretty intense. Watching these things can be depressing and infuriating but it’s also a reminder of just how lucky I am in many ways.

Tom cleaned the hair out of the Roomba’s brush since I noticed it wasn’t picking up much when it would vacuum.

We also set up the new Echo clock and I paired the remote to it.

He was going to unclog the shower screen to up the water pressure since the fucking park clogs it up whenever they play water games with us, but it fixed itself on its own somehow.

When I stepped in the shower yesterday, I noticed it right away and figured he fixed it, but he said that when he was in the middle of showering, all of a sudden, it went back to full pressure. So if it wasn’t the park that fixed it, which I doubt that early in the morning, then whatever was blocking the screen slipped out of the way.

Anyway, due to being both tired and queasy, I told Dixie I would prefer to take it easy today and asked if tomorrow would be a good day to visit, and she said that would be fine.

Although I don’t know what good it will do me, I’ve been praying for both the Florida and Arizona scum not to give me any trouble, but not too hard because I still don’t know that I believe in prayer and I never really had a bad vibe warning me that trouble was ahead to begin with. I don’t even know if the bitch in Arizona even got the message or read it if she did. If she did, she’s already gone to the police, even though it was nothing illegal.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2019
Just a quick update saying that I’m excited about our new Samsung Galaxy phones with their much faster processors and other features that will be better than this cheap Android. I can’t wait to see how well pictures turn out since it has more pixels and all that and will be a little bigger.

I also picked out a couple of cases for it. One has glitter that moves about as you tilt the phone and the other is of a beautiful beach dotted with palm trees.

We went to Sam’s yesterday which was more crowded than usual because they’re having these holiday deals where they let everyone in all day long. We have a membership that allows us to shop earlier than most people but thanks to the holidays, they’re kind of screwing everything up and we’ve had to sometimes change when we shop. His stopping on the way home from work last Friday wasn’t an option because he worked so damn late. It actually wasn’t as bad as expected but OMG! The fucking beeping from the forklifts was really annoying. We do most of our shopping in the back corner where the produce and frozen stuff are kept, but most people were up front. It seems they were mostly after giant TVs and storage bins.

In a few hours, we’re going to Walmart as we normally do on Sundays.

I had this weird dream where we were living with Miss Perfect and the queen was still alive, too. Of course, there was Dave as well. Then there was also this guy that was there temporarily, and I couldn’t wait for him to leave because he had a scary Rottweiler. Nonetheless, they all seemed to accept my sleep disorder without question and let me sleep when I needed to.

Aly is a reminder that so many doctors out there don’t know what they’re doing, and it’s scary, too. One doctor told her she simply had indigestion, but she knew something was wrong. So she got a second opinion and they found that she had a bowel obstruction which likely needed surgery but since the worst of it was over and had left her with a mild infection that an antibiotic should clear up, she should be okay from here on out.

She’s likely going to report the other doctor but as I told her, don’t be surprised if it doesn’t do her any good. They’re practically as invincible as cops are.

I thought about not so much as bashing but maybe leaving a 3-star review on Yelp for my GYN in regards to her not doing a biopsy and properly diagnosing and treating me, leaving me to suffer a lot of burning and itching until Amy could diagnose and treat me properly. But that $900 complaint really put a complex on me, and again, what good would it do?

Aly’s moved in with those gay guys again. It’s nice of them to be there for her when she’s between boyfriends but if I said that to her, I know she would be offended and take it the wrong way. I think it’s gotten harder for her, and perhaps embarrassing, to admit she can’t hold a relationship for long and to admit that she moves on rather quickly. I don’t think she’ll move in with someone new in just a month or two, but I’m sure that within a week or two, she’ll at least start having sex with someone that she’ll say she’s taking it slow with. But hey, she’s a grown adult. She has the right to do what she wants. I do wonder, however, if a permanent relationship is meant to be for her. I don’t think it’s her so much as what she’s going for. As I said, if I read Cam’s bio on a dating site, I’d run fast as hell. I think she’s going for guys who want to take a little too much control, but I can’t say for sure without having ever met them and seeing them interact together. She’s got to be doing something wrong somewhere, though, unless it really truly just isn’t meant to be or somewhere in her subconscious, she wants it this way.

Oh, the ease of being straight, though. Had guys been my cup of tea prior to meeting Tom, I can imagine all the fun I might’ve had. But that could also lead to more problems, too.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2019
I said I was taking full doses of my meds 4 times a week, but it was actually 3. I skipped today and will go back to 3 times a week and stick to that as long as I don’t feel anxious again. If I do, I’ll drop it to twice a week.

Had a very tired day and didn’t work out at all. I don’t think it’s just low thyroid, though, or else I would have fatigue every single day. I think I’m just having one of those days, especially with my sleep getting broken up. I woke up just a few hours after crashing and had trouble falling back asleep. I even took a nap about an hour after I got up the second time, not that it refreshed me in any way.

In case I didn’t say so before, the wrist weights are to wear when I’m doing workout videos.

My new fleece nightie in size medium fits me well and is very comfortable.

Once again, Aly is not living with Cam full-time. She says it’s just better if she doesn’t. I don’t know why her relationships don’t last even if they’re not exactly enemies or anything like that. I don’t know if it’s her or the types of people she’s going for but sometimes I wonder it’s the poor girl is ever meant to be with anyone permanently.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2019
I’ve been up for over 10 hours and I’m just now able to relax and enjoy some free time after a very busy but productive night. I worked out, took care of the animals, did some cleaning, and did various odds and ends around the house. Now it’s me-time.

Found that I was down half a pound even though I only ended up walking for about 45 minutes yesterday. I’m not really that surprised because even I can lose a few pounds when I either up my exercise or lower my calories.

I would love to be able to eat like I have been and still maintain my weight only somewhere between 110-120 pounds. But that’s not the way it works, of course. The less we weigh, the fewer calories it takes to maintain that weight. At least I shouldn’t be seeing the 160s anytime soon with all I’ve been doing. Besides, I’m in my comfort zone, what I’m used to, and where my body feels it needs to be.

I made myself a delicious home-cooked meal of a super lean beef patty, home fries, and broccoli with chopped green onions sprinkled on the meat and potatoes. It took about a half-hour to throw it all together, but it was relaxing, and the pigs loved having me hang out in the kitchen with them.

Got a pair of wrist weights that fit perfectly. Not too tight, not too loose. I hated the light blue stretchy ones I got from Denise Austin back in Arizona because they started off too tight and then became too loose. The weights are a pound each and are pink with black trim.

I didn’t do any walking on the treadmill today, but I did a 35-minute low-impact HIIT routine that left me surprisingly sweaty, out of breath and a little fatigued. The instructors kept saying that was normal and they were feeling it too, but it seemed that I shouldn’t be sweating in my bra and panties when the house was 71° and the fan was going. I’m starting to believe I’m never going to stop hot flashing. It’s still not as bad as last year but I’m getting them in bed and when I do physical activity. Unfortunately, I also felt a little anxious earlier tonight and last night, so it’s time to scale back the medication. I think I’m just going to skip altogether tomorrow and just drop back to 3 full doses a week instead of 4. Even though I’ve improved immensely, I’m beginning to think I’m going to experience intermittent anxiety all my life. Especially if I’m right about most of it being connected to this drug which I’m going to need forever.

HASfit has 33 low-impact video routines I’m subscribed to and I love how it keeps track of how many I’ve done. I’ve done the first two so far and it says 2/33.

Got the newest Alexa with the digital clock in it and I love how I never have to set it. If you like it as pitch black as I do when I sleep, it’s only slightly bright but not blinding like the other clock we put layers of cellophane over that I still had to block with a pillow or something. Obviously, when I’m sleeping in the daytime it won’t matter, but if it bugs me at night, all I have to do is rest a spare pillow against it.

I always have her play brown noise at volume 5. I usually have the stereo doing its white noise at 24 decibels in the daytime and 26 at night. I decided to take a chance and drop it to 26 and I slept fine. Not too thrilling in the way of dreams but I’ll get to that in a minute.

I also got the oolong tea I ordered and I’m glad I only got 20 bags because this particular brand tastes kind of weird. I still have some honey so even though that’s a bit fattening, I’ll add some to it.

My new nightgown comes today. It’s a pink floral fleece nightgown similar to the one I got at Goodwill.

When I sat and thought about it, I realized that Jessie is now my longest-running friend. Pretty sure we were both 10 when we met. We’re very different in many ways. She doesn’t agree with abortion. She’s much more mild-mannered and soft-spoken compare to me in some ways. She’s more likely to get scared in situations that would get me pissed off. But she’s never been the selfish judgmental person Andy was, and I do appreciate that much. The only thing I don’t like is the same thing I can complain about with most people I’ve dealt with, and that’s that it was me doing the reconnecting. It was me that looked her up when we lost touch with each other for about a decade or so.

Ah, but things are changing. I’m no longer forgiving compared to most people and I’m not, for example, ever going to contact Christiane again. I have nothing against her personally, but our friendship was just too one-sided. I would only hear from her if I messaged her first. Well, no more of that!

Anyway, Jessie thanked me for her friendship yesterday after I told her I was here for her if she ever needed to chat. She said she wasn’t really sure how she felt at the moment but was going to try to return to work. I guess she still works as an accountant. We don’t talk much given the distance, but Sarah was wrong when she said I no longer had any family. Family, to me, means much more than biology and I can assure you that she and Aly are a lot more like family than my sister and her fucked up brats will ever be.

I swapped emails with Dixie yesterday as well and she told me to recommend one of my books for her to buy. Knowing she’s a bit of a prude, I felt I should warn her that most of my books contain some degree of violence. I suspected that might bother her as well and when I asked her how she felt about it, she said she’s “sick” of violence. Therefore, I told her I didn’t think my books were for her. That’s okay, though, because no one can be everyone’s cup of tea, weird-tasting oolong or not. ;-)

The winds are southerly and again I’m getting a wonderful break from the commercial planes. They were pretty annoying the night before, and I even heard one for the first time just after 4 in the morning. As I may have mentioned before, they’re only a few thousand feet up. It’s sad that some people just don’t give a shit about others, but what can you do?

From the looks of it, I should be able to enjoy tonight and tomorrow morning as well. It’s after 8 now so I expect traffic and landscaping to start up any second.

The dream I had was basically about us going from one rental to another, each one getting noisier. Hopefully, nothing up there is trying to say, “You can move around all you want but you’ll never get any peace.”

I don’t know where we were, but the first place we rented was actually not that bad. It was just a very small, old house. We wanted more space and something newer. The second place was noisy and the third was like OMG! But it’s like it wasn’t even a house or an apartment. Instead, it was almost like we had a room or suite in a building, and we were even on a point system too, like Valleyhead.

I went to bed in the evening. but was woken up by someone blasting their stereo a few hours later. A road of all things ran through the place and one of the staff members told me that it would be repaved between 1 a.m. and 6 a.m., so I knew I wouldn’t be getting any real sleep that night.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2019
Good news! Well, anyone that knows me knows that I hate dieting but love working out. Especially walking. I hate stationary bikes, but most forms of exercise make me feel good and I actually enjoy doing them. The exciting thing is that I started keeping track of what I’ve been eating just out of curiosity to see what the calories happened to total when I’m not actively counting them. In doing so I’ve learned that I can have close to 2,000 calories and not gain weight as long as I keep active. :-) It still would be nice if I could stick to 1200 a day AND get results from it if I ever wanted to lose weight, but neither of these things will happen so it’s good that I can at least eat a comfortable amount which is usually between 1500-2000 calories based on my own specific needs and not gain as long as I keep my butt moving. There are many other health benefits besides just how it affects weight.

Because I’ve been slaving myself so hard and my muscles are still a bit sore, I may end up taking the day off except for dusting the place which I just finished doing.

Despite being fat, I love how prominent my shoulder and arm muscles are as well as my upper abs and parts of my legs. When I’m fully clothed you can’t tell because I still do have a decent amount of fat on me, but seeing it in the mirror when I’m not wearing much is a proud reminder of how hard I’ve worked. I don’t look fantastic, but I’ve definitely seen a lot worse for one my age. :-)

Bananas and blueberries are supposed to be best for boosting energy levels, but I’ve never found them to give me more energy. I think OJ does a much better job of perking me up.

In other good news, I finished my book, The Seduction of Suki, and now the proofreading and editing part begins. This is the part that’s harder than writing the book itself.

The only negative thing to report is that apparently, the winds don’t have to just be flowing to the north for the fucking planes to annoy me. They’ve been heading east all night and I can hear the bastards loud and clear. They have to be heading south and possibly west before they go fly over other people’s heads instead of mine.

I just hope the dream I had doesn’t mean anything. I woke up early in the evening after taking a nap. It was dark and Tom wasn’t home. First the electricity was out and when it came on, I stepped into the master bathroom and found the entire ceiling flooded.

Tom said if that happened that would mean there was a big storm and insurance would pay for it, but I would rather this not happen. Not even a little tiny leak.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2019
Although this new tracker may be more detailed than Fitbit, for me it was a waste of money. For one, it vibrates at random which wakes me up, and I don’t think the step counter is accurate. So I’m not going to bother with it for now.

Last night I did an exercise video that would have been a hell of a lot easier 20 years ago. I struggled through many exercises that would have been much easier when I was lighter. Carrying all this extra weight really limits my physical abilities and makes me feel partially disabled in a way. I try not to let it get to me because I know it’s pointless to get all bothered by what can’t be changed. It’s like with my ear. When it annoys me, I could bitch about it non-stop, but it won’t change a damn thing. Well, neither will all the exercising and dieting in the world change my weight. Not with this bum thyroid and metabolism.

In doing all the research I was doing when my medication was giving me trouble, I learned that I’m far from alone. Many others thought they would lose weight once they began treatment but that’s not usually how it works, so I’ve learned. Age and genetics are still big factors when it comes to stuff like that.

On the positive side, exercise makes me feel better, gives me more energy, helps my joints, is good for my heart, helps prevent diabetes, gives me more endurance, and makes gaining additional weight harder. So it’s not all bad. :-)

He usually does workouts for seniors and I might do that tonight because I’m a little sore today after struggling with yesterday’s workout.

I’ve been totally loving the break from the commercial planes I’ve been getting. When the winds head north as they do most of the time, that’s when they’re a problem. But due to the clouds and rain we’ve been having on and off, the winds have shifted direction and taken the damn planes with them. Still have some small planes and helicopters, though. Not having to have a sound machine on to drown out noise is the way it should be in every home, especially at night! Still need them in the daytime, though, no matter what if I don’t want to hear the daily landscaping sprees, traffic, and whatever projects are going on at the moment.

Might get woken up tomorrow because it’s bulk trash pick-up day. One of the things he put out was a TV he was using as a monitor. The LEDs started going out, leaving dark spots on the screen. He did a factory reset to wipe out any passwords, assuming someone takes it before the trash collectors get it. He didn’t leave the cord or the remote out, though. The remote also works with his current monitor so he wants to keep it as a backup. He left the cord out figuring if someone was going to get something for free, even if it wasn’t in perfect condition, they ought to work for it a bit.

When he got home, he brought a piece of mail from Social Security over to Bob and Virginia that accidentally got put in our box.

Still nothing from the termite which makes me think she lost the address and couldn’t find it online, especially after the way Sarah said she’d send me 80 bucks if I gave her my address, “but I know you won’t.” Just the way she said that made me think they might have lost the address. Why else would you say something like that?

It could also be that the drama queen knows I sometimes pick up the mail and therefore figures her bullshit to him may be intercepted by me. I’ve mentioned picking up the mail numerous times in my journal and saying how I saw so and so along the way or stopped to chat with whoever. She remembers what she wants to remember.

Book sales are down once again and I don’t know if they’re ever going back up. He thinks they will after the first, but I have my doubts. It’s far enough after Thanksgiving and far enough in advance of Christmas that they should still be getting sales and borrows but they’re not.

Had some strange dream that I checked into a hotel. It was nighttime and I was tired. When I entered my room, I found it was occupied even though no one was in it at the time. I went down to the front desk and they didn’t seem to care. It was then that I remembered some reviews I’d read about the place complaining about hookers and how I thought they meant hanging in the area and not occupying people’s rooms. I began to suspect that my roommate was one of those hookers.

The woman at the desk said something about them slipping in and out throughout the night and I knew I couldn’t sleep with some stranger coming and going like that or trust them around my belongings, but I really needed a place to crash for the night. That’s when I decided I would go back up to the room, throw their stuff out, and hook the chain lock on.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 7, 2019
Jessie’s dad died today. :-( Having met Big Bird a few times at his Connecticut home through my friendship with Jessie, I can say that he was one of the nicest guys you could ever meet. He will be missed by many!

I’ll never forget the three of us ice skating in the winter on one of his ponds, running around his ballroom while being dazzled by the disco ball twirling in the center of the ceiling, and admiring his huge wall a framed portraits of him and many other celebrities. Not everyone got the honor of getting to go to Big Bird’s house. This was just one of his properties, too.

When chatting with him you would never know who he was, but when he started talking in his Big Bird voice, you knew instantly. His wife Debra was a sweetheart as well.

About 30 years ago he gave me a feather from one of his costumes, but someone stole it. I can’t even begin to guess who because I was a lot more sociable in those days and had so many people in and out of my apartment, but I would put my money on either Fran or Brenda. Unfortunately, I no longer have the picture he took of Jessie and me at his place. There are probably other pictures floating around of both of us and the three of us somewhere, but not in my possession.

Gave Jessie my condolences on Facebook who is definitely sad and possibly quite rich now.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 6, 2019
The washer used to play a little song when it would stop or we’d cancel it, but it seems to have stopped doing that for some reason. I still know when a load is done because I can hear the door release pop when it unlocks.

It’s great to know that Ginny’s back to being rented every day, but I’m definitely not going to make the royalties I made last month, thanks to the holidays. Maybe next month.

That’s weird. I looked in on Doc O for the first time in a while and it says she has 11 friends. I’ve got her son blocked but I’m still only seeing 7. Where are the other 3 that I should be able to see?

The fish didn’t bite on the entry I made to see if the termites are reading me. I told people they could ask me questions anonymously on Curious Cat and I may use them whenever I get a writing prompt that doesn’t pertain to me. Next year I’m going to be doing a daily writing prompt challenge, but some of them may not apply to me. I figured that if any of the termites were reading, they would happily let me know it on CC, but I didn’t get a single question, so I deleted the entry.

I was talking with a buddy about how much of an online presence I have and what’s easy to look up and what’s not. Right now I don’t have much of a digital presence other than my books. I can keep from sharing the link but that can’t keep it from being googled. I should have used a pen name but it’s a little late for that. It isn’t just about people getting pissed at me for whatever reason and then running to bash my books, but I also don’t want anyone that we may possibly do business with in the future to be able to learn that much about me personally from my journal. Most of the country supports illegals and believes they should be left alone. ICE is seen as evil as ISIS. I will never understand why what with the proven negative facts of ignoring illegals, and it’s okay if most people disagree with me. That’s not the problem. The problem is if someone learns of my opinion, disagrees with it, and then won’t sell or rent us a place or give him a job because of it. I’m really hoping we can somehow “sample” Florida before we buy a place there to see how it may affect my health in that kind of climate. A few days and even a few weeks may not be enough to tell me. It took six weeks for Simone to get me so I would want to spend a few months there first. If there’s a problem, we’ll likely head back out west to somewhere in New Mexico.

So that’s the basic reason for my becoming more private. What others know may hurt you. If you’re a friend then I don’t care what you learn about me be it through me or because you looked it up, not that everything we look up is accurate.

I swear Aly’s the only one I know that I wouldn’t have to worry about if she lived right next door. Meaning, she could move in one day and decide the next she hated my guts and I’d never have to worry about her messing with me like the termite and its offspring. Thank fucking God we never moved to Stuart!

I’m getting over what I would describe as a very half-assed cold. The day before yesterday I had a scratchy throat and yesterday I was very fatigued. The kind of fatigue associated with a cold. Tom said I felt a bit warm, too. It’s like it barely set in, though. I didn’t have most of the symptoms one usually has with a cold, thanks to my kick-ass immune system.

Today was a beautiful day of 64° but I didn’t get out for a walk. I got up later and had to catch up on things. By then it was windy and threatening to rain. I walked on the treadmill in spurts and did a video. I had no energy to work out yesterday and again I can’t help but feel like something is trying to interfere with me working out though I can’t imagine why if that’s true. I could work out for an hour or two every day, eat next to nothing, and still not lose a pound. It just makes me stronger and gives me more energy and endurance.

As most people do at this time of year, I’ve been eating too much and not nearly as healthy as usual. Although I don’t usually set New Year’s resolutions since very few people can stick to them and these goals can be set any time of the year, and diets don’t do me any good, I am definitely going to make a point of eating more unprocessed foods and less of it, too. Tom isn’t 80 yet. When he hits 80, we’ll only have so many years left and that’s when I’ll just eat whatever whenever. So, 18 more years!

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 4, 2019
Having a cold, wet, rainy birthday and not at all happy to have an unlucky 4 in my age once again. Trying not to think of the endless possibilities of what could go wrong over the next year.

At least book sales are back! Well, I actually got a borrow and was relieved to find it was in the UK, making it less likely the drama queen and her twisted offspring are going to bash me again. They’ve read 71 pages so far but it’s past midnight there, so hopefully they’ll continue tomorrow. I found that if they get over 35 pages, they’re likely to read the whole thing.

Since Termite Tammy slammed me, I realize she lied to me all along. She would claim she had no time for reading, which I always thought was a bit odd since she was always a reader. But she proved she not only has KU, but she could have helped promote me all along, even if she didn’t actually read much of my books.

Noticed my tracker wasn’t counting all my steps when I would be on the treadmill with both hands on the tray or walking with my hands in my pockets or carrying something, so I decided to put it around my ankle. So I didn’t spend the first two days as lazy as I thought I did! After all, I did walk a half-hour yesterday even if I didn’t do much else. I was surprised that it can still tell my HR and oxygen levels from my ankle. I’ll still sleep with it on my wrist but it’s definitely more comfortable around my ankle. Imagine if I went out in public with it there? People would wonder if it was one of those ankle monitors parolees wear, LOL. It’s actually more comfortable around my ankle. It irritates the skin on my wrist for some reason.

I took screenshots of the app to show Aly. Personally, I find it to be much more detailed than Fitbit and it syncs so much easier, too. She said she would switch if the Fitbit community and its challenges weren’t so important to her.

Glad to learn Kamala Harris is dropping out of the presidential race. She was too biased. I liked her at first but quickly came to realize she was mostly focused on fellow blacks and not Americans as a whole.

A cyber-friend was saying how we’d get ahead in life if we paid attention to what was going on right in front of us for once instead of obsessing over other countries, and I agree. If an individual wants to support outsiders rather than those in their own backyard - fine - let them. But our tax dollars should go for our own needs. Not those in other countries. Pretty pathetic that we pay taxes for foreigners, illegals, and those in other countries. Meanwhile, who pays us?

I only remember bits and pieces of last night’s dreams which, for the most part, didn’t make sense. But there was an underlying sense of us getting ready to move even if it didn’t look like we were moving from this house. That and the fact that there was some woman who appeared to work for us doing whatever is also a good sign that things may be better financially, not that they’re bad at the moment.

Oh wow. Tom just got home a little while ago and said I must still be psychic because while he didn’t get a raise, his company was sold to a new company that obviously believes there’s a future in it. Also, his name is now known for having a huge part in some huge projects which certainly can’t hurt. I was a little concerned to learn it was an American company that bought it for fear of him losing his European benefits which are way better than American benefits, but he should be grandfathered in. American benefits will probably apply to newbies only.

We didn’t talk long because he had to jump on his work computer for his Wednesday evening work meeting.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2019
So Monday came and went, the day the drama queen sister promised to call the pigs if we didn’t call her by Sunday. Or make that if he didn’t call by Sunday.

Geez, you crazy bitch, I’d say they weren’t so eager to see me after all… IF you really even called them.

As I had told Tom, legal problems were never my concern. I knew I’d done nothing wrong. My concern was her pulling some crazy shit like calling the cops and saying she heard I was going to harm myself or someone else, insisting they get over here quickly, me being asleep when they came to the door, and then them kicking the door down.

But then he reminded me about swatting and how some innocent people got killed over a prank gone wrong, which has made the cops extra cautious when someone demands they go running to someone’s place for some reason.

Had a dream he came home all excited and told me he got a $1 raise. I have a strong feeling that this means something good, too. :-)

All my current devices now have lock screens. It’s so unlikely they’d ever be stolen but one can never be too cautious.

Went through the flower jewelry box that sits on my dresser, organized it and got rid of old shit I haven’t used in years and likely never will again.

I was deciding whether or not to finish my story, due to the lack of sales causing my motivation to drop, and the fact that it’s going to be pretty short. A little too short. Then an idea hit me. Instead of not bothering to publish the handful of short stories I have, maybe I can publish them as a collection. It’s something I’ll have to think about. Then again, I just checked and Kinky Katrina is published by itself with 30 pages while Suki’s story has already beaten that by two pages and isn’t even done.

My legs are still sore, so no vids for me today either, but I’ll go hit the treadmill now.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2019
OK, maybe I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t resist leaving the following in public on PB. Will sister dearest and her crazy brood see it? Hmm…no clue to be honest.

I didn’t actually listen to them, but I read the transcripts from some pretty vicious voice messages I received, and even with the errors in them, I got the gist of what was being said. There were no transcripts or audio for the restricted calls before I blocked those.

LMAO at the thought of recording some threatening voice messages I still have on my phone and sharing them on Facebook and elsewhere. I’ll leave that as a last resort for now as I prefer to act my age and not go on some vindictive rampage simply because someone said something that pissed me off that I didn’t want to hear. I’ve moved on. If they haven’t, that’s on them. It’s OK to be angry. It’s OK to disagree. It’s not OK to stalk, harass and threaten. These narcissistic, vengeful lunatics I never should have allowed back into my life don’t get that, though.

Unless provoked into action, I prefer to be the mature one and just not have anything to do with those I don’t get along with. But what I actually do depends on them. If they give me peace, they’ll get peace in return.

Kinda funny that they think I’m dumb enough to be convinced that IF they went to the cops, the cops would wait to see if I contact them as they demanded. If I’d broken any laws, they’d tell them to stay out of it, let them take over, and they’d have contacted me by now if they thought they had a case against me. And all because of the record they think I have that I, in fact, don’t what with the prank phone calls from a million years ago in MA being expunged and me being vindicated 20 years ago in AZ.

Furthermore, statements are rarely given over the phone. Occasionally, video statements will be made but that’s usually reserved for minors involved in sex cases. If they thought I would fall for that one, then that shows they’re even dumber than I gave them credit for.

And why the obsession with reaching my husband? Did they think we don’t keep each other informed on what’s going on? Did they think he would believe their lies and side with them?

Funny how they say I didn’t have the balls to call back when the reason I didn’t was that there was nothing more to say. I’d gotten some things off my chest, shared my feelings, said I didn’t want to go back and forth, that this would be it, and I kept my word. What would have been the point in arguing until we were blue in the face when we could never see eye-to-eye? Don’t we all have better things to do?

Yeah, time for them to grow up, wake up, and smarten up, I would think. I’m smarter than any of them will ever be, and when I don’t know something off the top of my head, well, Google’s a wonderful thing. But hey, these are people who can barely even write. Their spelling, grammar and improper use of punctuation are ferocious.

Holding onto so much hate and anger only reflects badly on them and is detrimental to their health and psyche, but again, it’s on them. I knew these people were aggressive, had tempers, and were overly sensitive, emotional and vindictive. Hell, one even tried to enlist us to spite their own kid by finding their workplace to report them for what they believed was an abuse of Worker’s Comp. But I didn’t know they were literally crazy till recently. The sudden and surprise reference to porn told me that. Did they pull that out of thin air in the heat of the moment because they were pissed? Or did they get this idea from someone else?

This should have been a real eye-opener for me as well as what was done to me. How I didn’t see things clearly a long time ago is beyond me. Maybe I just didn’t want to. They have no resources, they have no money, they have no health, and sadly, they have no life.

They lose. I win. None of them will ever contact me again (and if they do any and all contact will be logged as evidence along with the fact that I had to change my number due to the harassment and threats) because they’re not welcomed in my life now or in the future and they will never be mentioned here again. I won’t wish them good luck. I won’t wish them bad luck. Why? Because I’ve become as indifferent to them as I am to some stranger in the next town I don’t even know. I don’t even feel the shame and embarrassment I have felt for them. I’ve gone numb. And now they shall all be filed nice and neatly in the past chapters of my life, stored as nothing but an unpleasant memory and never allowed to re-enter my life ever again.

Tata!

It’s the middle of the afternoon yet it looks like dawn or twilight. It’s been very cold, cloudy and wet these last few days. I’m so tired today even though my tracker says I slept well and for my usual 8 hours.

However, it wasn’t without a nightmare. The nightmare didn’t cause me to be worried about anything going wrong in my life because of the nature of it. I was in a darkened house with some woman when I heard these strange sounds and was terrified. I called out to the woman, but she didn’t answer and I feared the worst. I jumped up and ran to her bedroom and found her lying on her back as still and silent as a log. I screamed her name, whatever that was, and slapped at her, but I knew she was dead.

Like I said, the two most important things are this… I did nothing wrong and I refuse to be anyone’s victim ever again. You can hate me all you want, and you can be pissed as hell and disagree with everything I ever said, thought or believed. But you cannot and will not victimize me.

Tammy knows exactly how I feel about the police and how I’ve come to have little trust and faith in them not just because of what happened to me but because of so many other cases I’ve heard about involving corruption and brutality. She used legal threats as a weapon against me simply because she was pissed off by my group message. The goal was to scare me into calling so she could let me have it or at least cry on his shoulder. Regardless, my message was perfectly legal and I had every right to send it. If we couldn’t say anything anyone perceived as negative, then leaving bad reviews on Yelp would be illegal.

What I don’t get is her obsession to reach Tom. Everyone wants to get a hold of Tom when they get pissed at his wife, LOL. The psycho that sold us the previous round of rats was determined to reach out to him as well. I think it’s just because he’s so easygoing and soft-spoken that he comes across as easy to persuade into siding with them.

When Tom made the mistake of calling Tammy 20 years ago when she sent him a letter threatening legal action against me for threatening her abusive ex, he probably didn’t say much knowing him, thus giving her the wrong idea. All he told me was that he told her we shouldn’t have anything to do with each other. I’m sure he said that, but he probably came off as if he was on her side as opposed to defending me because that’s just the way he is.

Even though she gave me “permission” to be on the line when they spoke (by yesterday as she promised), she probably believes he doesn’t know what’s going on and that when she fills him in, he’ll automatically believe her bullshit version and somehow be turned against me.

Yeah, that’s going to happen really easily after being together for more than a quarter of a century.

But what about her husband? Does he know what’s going on? Does he encourage or at least support her trolling and threatening me if he does? Or does he try to encourage her to move on?

When I was on the treadmill, I forgot to let my left arm dangle while I worked the mouse with my right hand and that may have caused it not to count all my steps. I put it on my ankle during my last walk and it counted them that time. Definitely not going to get 10,000 steps in today any more than I did yesterday. I just don’t have the energy. I’ll walk on my treadmill for a half-hour, but I’m definitely going to skip doing a workout video because the backs of my thighs are sore from yesterday’s video. I’ll just work my core a bit to keep the backaches away.

I’m both cold and tired today. A combination of the weather and low thyroid, I suppose. I’ll take full doses every day just as soon as something up there will let me. Until it gets sick of getting off on the anxiety games and actually wanting me to be low on thyroid, this is the way it has to be. If there’s nothing up there that’s got a hand in this, then I guess all I can do is hope I one day happen to be able to take full doses every day without anxiety. I think it’s unlikely I ever will, though. Tom thinks I will, but I think that if there’s truly something in the medication making me feel anxious, as there certainly seems to be, why would I ever get used to it if I haven’t yet? Not all side effects go away. So whatever is in it that makes me anxious is likely to always do so when the levels get high enough in my system.

Book sales are down. It’s almost as if the drama queen’s review still remains visible to everyone but me. I really hope last month wasn’t just a fluke and that I’m back to sales and borrows real soon.

Been watching The First 48 Hours Presents: Homicide Squad Atlanta and what a scummy city. One thug was dumb enough to commit murder where there were cameras everywhere. He slammed some girl against the wall and started punching her and then you could see her fight back. I don’t know if the guy underestimated her or what but when he realized he was going to lose the fight, he whipped out a gun and shot her dead in cold blood.

I was going to post this a few hours ago but got sidetracked. When he got in, we ran out to Rite Aid. I hadn’t been having much fruit lately and was craving OJ. I have the chills and felt run down in a way that one with a cold does, but I don’t feel like I have a cold. I have a pretty kick-ass immune system and rarely get sick. I think I was just feeling that way due to not eating very healthily over our mini-vacation.

I’m on my third serving of OJ right now. I wouldn’t let myself get any sweets because I don’t want to be sugar crashing, but I got some gum and chips. Baked lentil chips with less sodium are actually pretty good.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 1, 2019
Things are going great and Winnie is now just about completely configured and set up. There are only one or two features I’m missing that I’m unable to have on it. I’m getting the hang of how it works and used to things. There are some features I actually like better.

They said this computer came with Wi-Fi, but it didn’t. We decided it wasn’t worth sending back because we wanted a faster one than what it was supposed to come with anyway, so we ordered one. Some sites naturally run slow and there’s not much you can do about that, but it is much perkier in general. I can now enter tons of sweeps much faster than I could on the Mac. I entered about 50 sweeps last night that was about to expire. Things are definitely much snappier!

Although Netflix has a convenient app on this computer, so you don’t have to watch in a browser, we’re probably going to dump Netflix for a while and just keep Hulu a little longer. Everything is foreign stuff or documentaries/reality shows and it gets old.

Barely two days with an easier setup for working out and just what I feared would happen ended up happening yesterday. Some asshole crashed over the speed bump at 6 in the morning which left me with just 5 hours of sleep and too tired to work out. I would have slept two or three more hours. I slept nearly twice as long last night to make up for it and definitely have more energy today.

Didn’t hear the loud car yesterday but I heard it the day before. On Friday, the fire and water damage people were working on Lawrence’s place again, but it was just one van that day and it was in front of his place. Not between our places. As Tom pointed out and as I should have realized, he doesn’t have a leaky roof otherwise they would replace the roof before fixing the water damage. It was probably a pipe that broke and leaked.

It’s been cold and wet, but I love the sound of the rain and how quiet it keeps things.

Our new fitness trackers came yesterday, and they seem to work well and be quite informative compared to Fitbit except for when it comes to the blood pressure checker. That much is pretty worthless without being able to squeeze the arm or wrist. Trust me, I don’t have perfect blood pressure!

His is a bit defective and has trouble connecting to the mobile app. I tease him about the reason being that there’s a 4 in his device number.

We were laughing because of the different terms for the different weight levels. I’m a plumpy and he’s a fatty. I know some people would get offended by these terms but we’re okay with them because no matter what labels you may put on things, the same shit is always going to be underneath no matter what.

Because I couldn’t lose weight even if you starved me, my only real goal is to not gain anymore and so far I’m holding steady as long as I keep active. I’m at the point in life where weight loss isn’t my goal as opposed to keeping active and as healthy as possible. If I eat healthy at least 80% of the time, that’s good enough for me.

The thing has a step counter and a calorie tracker, but the calorie tracker works differently than Fitbit. This one records what you burn during activity rather than as a whole.

It also has an ECG, oxygen reader and different timers. It looks for sleep apnea as well, which neither of us has. I told it to share my health info with WhatsApp and Facebook, but I don’t see anything there.

Today we worked out together and I was on the treadmill for a while as well. The highest my HR went was 120 but I’ve only done low-impact stuff so far today.

I slept “very good” and deeply for 6 of the 9 hours I slept.

We’re going to wait until Monday to order, just in case there are any deals that day we want to take advantage of, but we’re getting these shoelaces that snap rather than tie. I’m not sure how they work until we actually get them, but they look cool and come with 4 pairs. He can have the gray and black and I’ll take the pink and green laces for my two pairs of running shoes.

I keep forgetting that Prosebox isn’t all or nothing. I can choose to set each individual entry at different security levels. So I decided to keep my old friends updated there from time to time but I can’t allow for comments because there are too many spammers about these days on seemingly every site in the world. Only generic stuff will be mentioned, of course. I coded the entries with trackers to see if it picks up any termites, but just because I can’t see them doesn’t mean they’re not there.

My nails are back to looking shitty and I still can’t figure out why. As my doctor verified, it doesn’t appear to be any kind of fungus or infection, but it does get worse the more I polish my nails. The question is why now? I’ve been obsessed with polishing my nails all my life. I also have one nail that appears to be lifting from the nailbed. He’s had that before, too.